What can I say or do to comfort my friend? MC after 3yrs IVFand TTC

[melondrama]

I just wondered if there was anything useful or comforting that anyone said or did after MC that helped in anyway.

My dear lovely friend has MC and I'm devastated for her..I can take her flowers, chocolate (but much as she loves choc it'll feel wrong as she was delighted to have shelved the diet due to pregnancy..)
I've told her about the great online support here but not sure if she has/will look.

Any ideas?

Just be there for her, that's all you can do really. You sound like a lovely caring friend, and she is lucky to have you.
I've mc'd several times, and aside from obviously my dh, and my close family, it's my friends that have got me through. It makes a difference to know there is someone there, thinking of you, and believing that you are strong enough to get through this.
In the early days I must say that chocolate and flowers did 'help' (although I'm sure others would disagree with the flowers, but it's down to personal preference). I didn't feel like doing anything except sitting and crying, and talking. To know that I could talk to my friends about what had happened helped, and getting cards from them was lovely too.

Sorry, I'm probably not much help, but just go with your instinct and I'm sure you will be fine. Really hope your friend gets through this, and I will have my fingers crossed that she does eventually have a happy ending.

ps. I do have some appropriate poems that I have read/was given so let me know if you would like to read them - they helped me...

Can I ask how far along she was?

thanks monkeybumsmum. great name! i would love recommendation of poems. i was hoping for something of that sort.
it's such a crap awful thing to happen and so unfair. df and her husband are simply the nicest people you can imagine. i'm just so so sad for them and haven't any positive or comforting words ready.

My friend bought me flowers and I really appreciated it. She was also a really good listener which was really helpful as I really wanted to talk about it all. Especially after the two week mark when the rest of the world thought that I should be "recovered"

You could also recommend this website pregnancyloss.info/ to her or read through it yourself. I found it invaluable. (by the way, this page contains what NOT to say)

If she would like counselling you could recommend she get in touch with the miscarriage association

best wishes xxx

Friend of mine said "I'm hear to listen to you as often as for as long as you want" (via email). And she meant it, and she's probably the only person now I still talk to about it all, part from DH.
Not ignoring it probably most important. And many women (I think) want the chance to tell their mc "story" in the same way women talk about their births. Though of course she may not, don't push it!

I told my friends I was pregnant as soon as I did the test. I was so glad I had after I miscarried at 11 weeks as their sympathy (most cried!) helped me through. So show her you care in small kindnesses. You're a good friend and she's lucky to have you.

Imiscarried my baby (I have a strong feeling the baby would have been a girl) at 7 weeks. I had conceived on the 5th ICSI cycle (I have a wonderful DS from my 2nd cycle).
For the first few weeks all I could do was cry. My DH didn't know what to do and we both shut down from each other.
For those first few weeks it was so lovely to have dear friends who would talk or not talk, listen or not listen. Basically who took their cues from me as to what I needed to happen.
One friend wrote the most beautiful and heartfelt letter that I have put in my memory box (my letter to my daughter, scan photos etc).
The worst part is the rest of the pregnancy months and then the due date. I found I needed help more not less as the due date was approaching.
So in terms of what you can do all you can do is be there if she needs it. She may want to talk about her child (I did).
One friend brought me a tree for my garden and when it flowers every year I think of what might have been and my daughter.
Now (3 years on) I do not think of my daughter every day or even regularly. The intense pain is gone. But a quiet sadness has taken its place. I can cope with that.
I wish your friend peace.