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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Husband doesn't want to try after MC and Eptopic

8 replies

loopybear · 06/10/2010 15:46

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks in July. On Friday I was digansosed with an eptopic pregnancy at 8 weeks (I had no idea I was pregnant as I had 2 periods after the MC). I have PCOS, I had a beautiful DD in 2006. I know I would just appreciate what i have but I feel desparate to have another baby but my husband is adament that we don't try anymore.

OP posts:
annbenoli · 06/10/2010 16:02

I know exactly how you feel, I have 3 dc but have just miscarries at 10 1/2 weeks. The pregnancy wasnt planned but now that it has happened I long to try for number 4. Husband is adamant no. I know in my head he is right but my heart is a different matter.

KTRace · 06/10/2010 17:37

I am sorry for your losses.

It is early days. It must be hard for your DH to see you in pain and to feel so helpless. My first reaction to my second MC was never again do I want to go through an MC and if that means never trying again so be it. That was 5 weeks ago, I am coming round to the idea of TTC next year, but who knows.

Perhaps time will change his mind?

MummyAbroad · 07/10/2010 01:48

I'm really sorry you have been through such horrible events loopybear

My DH also didnt want to try again after my MC but did come round after a few months. I think it was a defence mechanism kicking in. At the time of the mc we did go and see a therapist and it was really helpful. It made me see that DH was processing the whole thing in a completely different way from me. Have you considered getting in touch with the miscarriage association and seeing if there is someone you can talk things through with? I think when you have suffered as much as you have getting professional help can really help you heal much quicker.

take care of yourself


leo1978 · 07/10/2010 08:21

I am in the exact same situation. I had a miscarriage/suspected ectopic in July and have just had surgery for an ectopic last week. I have a wonderful son born in 2007 but like you I want another baby desperately and dh is not keen. My plan is this:
From now until New Year have a good time, get pissed, get facials, go to the theatre with dh, take ds to safari park etc. Count my blessings one by one I guess. And not even think about ttc.
Then in Jan see my doc and talk about ttc again and hope dh is feeling more into idea.
Refuse to get obsessed with ttc and listen to my body
Not worry that there will end up being a 25 year age gap (or soemthing less dramatic) between ds and dear child if ever I am lucky enough to have another one.

I think time is important in literally ensuring you heal downstairs. My SIL is a medical person and she says it's all swollen down there for some time following a miscarriage and for as many stories there are of people who get preggers successfully really quickly after a miscarriage/EP there are just as many who have a repeat performance.

I'm sorry for you. It is really really depressing but I remain hopeful that the body has a way of helping you out in the end.


Muser · 07/10/2010 11:39

I really feel for you. I had a miscarriage a the end of last year and an ectopic pregnancy earlier this year. It's such a lot to go through and it takes time to deal with the grief.

I was treated with methotrexate for my ectopic and was advised not to try again for 3 months. Although those 3 months seemed a lifetime at the beginning, they went by really quickly. And that time gave me and my husband time to deal with our pain.

I am now nearly 20 weeks pregnant and we are delighted. Having bad luck in the past doesn't mean it will happen again. I think you and your husband need to take time to grieve, maybe talk to someone professional about what's happened and what it means for the future, and then decide what's best for you both. Good luck.

loopybear · 07/10/2010 16:13

Thank you all xx I just seem to go from being completely numb and being "ok" about everything to beside myself with grieve. We hadn't planned to start TTC after the mscarraige until now but as my lovely consultant pointed out it only takes once in the right conditions. I think Leo your right I'm going to plan some nice days out for half term and have booked facial for next week. have appointment to see GP next week but may look into some counselling as it's been a difficult 4 months.

thank you for all your support

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 07/10/2010 16:19

Sorry for your loss Loopy - I find myself in a similar position but a bit further down the path I think. I had a mp prior to ds - and the 2 mc post ds have been overshadowed with the 'what if' prospect of treatment for it again, this time with a small person added to the mix. I think dh just didn't want to see me go through it all again - which is much the same for your husband I presume.

I think I have about resigned myself to having just one. Its a good job that he's so wonderful really (and indeed, someone commented to me that he's about as labour intensive as actually having three, so perhaps I am better sticking with just him! Grin)

Loopymumsy · 08/10/2010 06:22

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