dealing with miscarriage

[k1r5t1e]

Hi all i have to post something somewhere as i need advice or should i say reassurance.....i had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks baby died at 8 and half weeks, i have just had the procedure to remove the baby and i feel so much grief after trying for 3 years to conceive this is what happens. I feel no body understands and am unsure who i can talk to please help

I have no experience of this, but really really don't want you to go unanswered. There are others who are wiser and more eloquent than me, who will be along later.

Be kind to yourself. So sorry for the loss of your child

I'm so sorry for your loss. Its such an awful thing to go through.

I also had an mmc, discovered at 14 weeks, baby died at 8. This was nearly 6 months ago, so I can tell you that you will feel better in time. Right now though you need to face and deal with your grief, you have lost something very precious to you and its common to have a mixed bag of emotions, including sadness, guilt,anger, fear and worry. Try to get support from as many places as possible. I found talking to people who had been in a similar situation in real life and on MN very helpful.

You can also call the miscarriage association, they offer a very good counselling service.

Above all dont try and "cope" with it, because this can turn so easily into burying your emotions and then it takes a lot longer to deal with. Having a bloody good cry is definitely allowed!

Please dont feel that you have lost your one chance at having a baby, in time when you are ready you can try again. Many many women go on to have healthy babies after miscarriage, and you will discover on MN that there is a lot of advice and support to help you with that when you are ready.

Like Norma said, look after yourself, lots of rest and treats. Dont underestimate the effect of the crashing hormones either, you need a bit of fussing over!

xxxx

I am so very sorry for your loss. I too had a MMC, found out at 10 weeks, let nature take its course and I think after 3 weeks of bleeding and clots that it might finally be a complete MC.

It is devastating I know, we have been trying since spring 2008. This is my second MC so am feeling particularly shattered and drained. After the first (dec 2009) I was desperate to get back to trying, this time less so as the thought of MC again is so crushing.

Give yourself time to grieve (as in don't expect to get over it in a couple of weeks, or that when you feel better you won't suddenly have sad days), as MummyAbroad has said you will probably go through a range of emotions, I certainly did last time and expect to this time too.

I have cried a lot, wanted to be on my own a lot, found seeing my friends hard (they mostly don't know and even the ones that do I assume that I must be over it by now). I have also had a good drink too, I am giving myself til October to eat and drink crap and then I am going to start looking after myself - I have the incentive of a holiday booked and I don't want to look too crap in my bikini! We booked the holiday after the MMC too as something to look forward to.

Just be led by how you feel and be kind to yourself. I have just read Miscarriage - what every woman needs to know by Dr Lesley Regan and that has helped me understand better why I might have had 2 MCs.

I am so very sorry that you are going through this and I wish you all the very best for the furture xx

Sorry for your loss. I had 4 MMC. I don't have any advice about dealing with it but I do have 3 DCs now and I hope that gives you hope for the future. Don't give up.

Hi k1rSt1e, I'm sorry to hear about your loss and grief. It's true, it's very hard to find any empathy outside of forums like mumsnet. Very few people have any understanding of MC, unless they've been through it. I certainly didn't when I was TTC and superstitiously avoiding this part of the MN Talk area. It's just something where people don't know what to say and don't understand.

I had my MMC at the same stage as you, 11 weeks with baby having died at 8 + 6 and having tried for quite a while to get pregnant. Here's a thread I started on my experience, which might be helpful for you as there are lots of hopeful stories on there from others here who have had MMC or multiple MC and still gone on to have children.

Thread

Please do stay on mumsnet and keep in touch with everyone here as there are so many of us dealing with the post-MMC feelings. It's hard to deal with, like any grief and goes in stages, I'm finding. You go through all the same upheaval of denial, guilt, anger etc. Is there any counselling available for you through your GP? The EPU at my local hospital has a counsellor for pregnancy loss / bereavement.

Thank you all for your reply i am still finding it very hard to come to terms with....does anyone know when i will roughly get a negative pregnancy test as i have done one today and it is still VERY positive :( i dont understand whats going on as i have not been told who i can turn to for advise i thought i would hav been offered some sort of help through epu but i wasnt....

it took me 2 weeks to get a negative test after my erpc. If i were you I'd try to stay away from them for two weeks if you can. I didn't, and every positive test just broke my heart. The only good thing was that on the conception indicator, I saw the level go right down to 1-2 weeks, but seeing the word pregnant when I clearly wasn't was very very hard. Test in two weeks time and it will probably be negative.

Hi k1r5t1e
I really do understand what you are/went through. This happend to me last week and i just empty and really let down by the NHS. We ended up having to pay for a private scan as they couldnt fit a emergancy scan in for us.

I wish i knew what the right thing to feel is. Truth be known I dont even know if we shud try again as its so painful. xx