shock

[benandoli]

I was 10 weeks pregnant with dc4. It wasn't planned and was a ahock but we had got to the stage where we were really excited. I had previously had three early miscarriages but i felt sure this one was fine i felt really sick and couldnt stand smells. Then on thursday i felt a little gush and had lost some piinkish fluid so went to a and e they were quite positive and i had no pain so was booked in for a scan the next day just to check everything was ok. Overnight I began to bleed more heavily including some large clots so we feared the worst but thought everything had been lost. We went for the scan and were shocked to see the baby but no heartbeat. The hospital were lovely and gave us the options. I chose to come home and let nature take its course. The bleeding on friday night was horrific. I felt so ill faint, sweating, really scared my husband. Now I feel sad, empty, angry, numb. Everyone has been so nice but they seem to think that because i have three children i should be greatful. I love my children dearly and they are a comfort but everytime i look at them I see my unborn child in their eyes. They know nothing about it but it is their brother or sister we have lost. I was so looking forward to telling them about the pregnancy. I dont know why i am writing this here really just dont know what to do or how to get over this.

So sorry for your loss benandoli.
It doesn't help much to be told to be glad for what you have does it, not in the midst of your shock and grief? Silly people.
I don't know how old your DCs are, I know some people would recommend telling them something as they might know that something is wrong.
What an awful thing to happen, and you had already suffered so much with your other mc.
Don't expect too much from yourself too soon, everything you are feeling sounds just about right to me!

Maybe it is time to ask your doctor about some bereavement counselling, to help you through this? That's a very personal choice of course.

I can relate to how you feel, I have 3 wonderful dc. My dh and I really hoped for 4, but it has not meant to be. I had one m/c before my last dc. Since then I have had another nine. Most of them were early and were ok, but the ones where I thought everything was going to be ok were the toughest. The one where we previously saw the heartbeating was very tough, I had allowed myself to believe it was all going to be ok. The physical pain and difficulty of naturally passing a child you had dreams for, it is hard. But the emotional pain is just as bad and goes on for longer. I hope that you get all the support you need.

My children were too young to understand, they just knew that mummy was not well, but it was hard looking at them and thinking what they had lost in a brother or sister too. I planted a rose bush in memory of the lost baby, that helps me in a way, perhaps there is something that you can do tangibly to remember your lost little one.

I hope that your posting here has helped in some small way. To acknowlegde somewhere your precious lost baby.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I recently had my 2nd MC, we found out at 10 weeks that there was no longer a heartbeat and I naturally MC'd at 12 weeks, it was physically and emotionally horrid.

I too have a DC, she is my world but every time I look at her I also think about the sibling I lost. It is really hard. I am still bleeding and feeling shattered I am hoping when the constant reminder of the MC has gone that I will feel stronger. Sorry I am going on and on but what I am trying to say is that what you are feeling is normal, don't feel guilty and don't listen to what others say, I have struggled to speak to anyone who isn't going through what we are at this moment in time to actually be able to say the right thing, which is nothing really just to hug and listen.

I am so very sorry that you are going through this, be kind to yourself and keep coming back to MN it is great in times like this. xx

unless they have been through it benandoli they just don't understand do they? I have a dd and after a year or so of trying I got pregnant but unfortunately miscarried, numerous people said to me "oh well at least you know you can still get pregnant" er, yeah right, big help. I'm currently going through my 2nd miscarriage and am sure that this time round people will be telling me that "there's plenty of time yet" ...I'm 40 this year and I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet but comments like this don't help although I suppose people are only trying to make things better.

Only this morning dd was lying in bed with me and asked me if I could make her a baby, a girl baby please and also . She has no idea what's going on as she is only 3 and yes I am very very lucky to have her but I so desperately want another child, for me, for her and for our family. Having her doesn't make my loss any less. It is still very early days for all of us here and like any form of grieving it takes time to get to a better place I guess - if only there was an easier way.