Please or to access all these features

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Sadly I find myself back here

14 replies

KTRace · 30/08/2010 11:00

On friday at 10weeks pregnant I found out that despite there being a heartbeat 2 weeks ago, my baby had died. I decided to wait to naturally miscarry as this is what happened at xmas when I was 9 weeks pregnant.

I don't feel the anger and frustration and utter devastation I did last time, this time I just feel so very, very sad.

I am lucky I have a DC who is just over 3. We have been trying for just shy of 2.5 years to conceive DC#2. I got pregnant first time really easily, had an easy pregnancy (mainly), a not so good birth and terrible pain for about 9 weeks after the birth due to back issues. I naively thought getting pregnant and staying pregnant would be easy. But it has sadly not been the case.

I have an unusual medical condition that was only diagnosed 14months ago that means I don't ovulate and have to take drugs to do so. Consequently it takes me ages for my body to get to a state where pregnancy is possible after each pregnancy.

Last MC I felt angry that another obstacle had been put in the way of us getting DC#2, this time I feel like there will be no more children for us.

So here I am waiting for the process to start, sort of in limbo, but also sure that this is the last time my body will carry a baby.

To make matters slightly more complicated we are due to go on holiday next week (in the UK), we are trying to decide whether this is a good or bad idea - I am undecided and I suppose it will depend on when the bleeding starts.

I have lurked on this board since my last MC in december and wanted to say how very strong I think you all are and that reading your stories has helped me come to terms with my situation.

I am not strong enough to go through this process again so for me I am going to put all my energies into my DC and my DH. I know I am lucky to have them.

Many thanks for reading this, it has helped to put this down for me.

OP posts:
BellaBearisWideAwake · 30/08/2010 11:03

I'm so sorry to read what has happened to you Sad

I too have had two mcs and one healthy baby. The mcs are heartbreaking and so so unfair.

poppy34 · 30/08/2010 11:04

Am so sorry to hear about your loss.

poppy34 · 30/08/2010 11:07

And can sympathize about focussing on your dc as had 2 mc and a tx due to severe abnormalities before dd then took nearly a year to conceive before having
Another mc. So the not angry just fed up rings a bell.

I wouldn't dismiss going on holiday- providing you are ok with that as change of scene may help ( I went away for weekend when I found out about mc).

BackOnceAgain · 30/08/2010 11:10

KTRace I'm so very sorry to read your story and hear of your loss. I was going through similar only 2 weeks ago (feels like a lifetime though) Sad

It really helped me to get things out on here too and there are so many kind people who have been through the same.

As you know your emotions are intense and all over the place at this time. You don't have to make decisions about anything just yet, just let them wash over you (but I know that my first instinct was to want to take control of the situation.) Its very important to take things easy though and I hope that your holiday plans work out but if not then can you have a holiday-at-home with your dh and dc instead?

Sending you hugs

KTRace · 30/08/2010 12:51

Thank you everyone for your kind words and I am so very sorry that you have also been through this - it is exhausting.

OP posts:
sotough · 30/08/2010 13:38

hi there
sending huge sympathy. re. the holiday, i remember going on holiday a couple of weeks after my third miscarriage. i think i'd imagined the holiday would be a real help but it wasn't - i cried every morning. changing location doesn't change the reality of what you're going through and all it's ghastly implications.
i wouldn't be worried in terms of bleeding as i can't imagine it will be too heavy, but if you do go away, it might help to be aware that you will probably feel as miserable as you do at home. just try to get through one day at time at the moment, doing whatever it takes to survive.

nickstermum · 30/08/2010 19:07

hey there, sorry you are going thro this - it sucks. Holiday is a great plan, i didnt because of when the severe blood loss (at 12 wks) happened, and i wish i had. 2 wks on the sofa, back and forth to the hosp is not good.Hope you manage to get away to try and get your head straight :) you will find the right time to laugh and smile again. Your DC will help that, mine is my lifeline.

Stay strong

KTRace · 31/08/2010 08:14

Thank you everyone for your advice. I am thinking that the holiday would probably be a good distraction especially as my parents will be coming too so they can look after my daughter when/if it all gets too much.

I have had no pain and my cervix is still high and closed so am thinking that the bleeding might not start for a while.

Thank you everyone for sharing, I am amazed at the strength of you all. My first MC was devastating, this one is terribly sad, I expect I will start to feel worse when the bleeding starts. But I think a 3rd would break me, maybe in 6mths time I will feel different but now the idea of TTC and then being pregnant are too much.

BackOnceAgain - I hope you are ok too, your loss must be very raw still.

I am sorry for everyones losses too.

OP posts:
mamadoc · 02/09/2010 23:19

I understand how you feel about not being sure you could do it again.

I had my 2nd miscarriage last month at 9 weeks having also had one at Christmas at 8 weeks. I have one DD 3 yrs old. It seems to take us about 5-6 months of trying to get pregnant each time so all in all its nearly 2 years of ttc now.

I guess I am a bit of a fatalist and I have started to think that maybe it is just not meant to be for us to have another child. I also think of all the mental and physical energy I waste on ttc that could be spent on the family I already have.

DH feels strongly about trying again so I have said that I will give it one more try for him but we agreed that if I have another mc we won't go for tests and stuff just accept the hand we've been dealt.

After the 1st mc I was just desperate to be pregnant again straight away but now I think I have lost hope for a good outcome.

Just wanted to say you're not alone in not finding the strength to carry on.

KTRace · 03/09/2010 09:17

mamadoc thank you for sharing your experiences with me, in fact you could be me. I too have a DD who is 3, I seem to take the same time as you to get pregnant. I too was desperate to get pregnant again after my first MC but like you I feel like giving up after the 2nd.

I agree with spending the energy we spend on TTC on the family we have. I think I am not going to actively TTC but not use anything contraception either, but I have never got pregnant that way. I don't want tests either or IVF or anything, I want to get on with my life.

Currently I am waiting for this MC to start properly just brown discharge at the moment. Am feeling pretty crap, exhausted and drained. Need to snap myself out of it really but just want to sleep.

Thanks again for sharing.

OP posts:
mummytopebs · 20/09/2010 20:24

Kt race i just wanted to say please do not lose hope. I had a mc when my dd was 3 and like you started trying for a baby straight away, i fell pregnant quite quick and unfortunatly once again had a mc. After the 2nd mc i was petrified of having another pregnancy and we waited another year before ttc. My 2nd dd was born in January, so just to say really miracles do happen. Please have the courage to try again if that is what you decide. Sending the biggest hug to you and your family at this awful time x

KTRace · 21/09/2010 09:40

Thank you so much mummytopebs that means a lot, am so pleased you have had your second. xx

OP posts:
BuckBuckMcFate · 21/09/2010 09:49

KTRace, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Sad

I had a mc 18 months ago and it was devastating.

Be kind to yourself, there is no right way to feel about your loss or TTC again. For now just concentrate on yourself and your DD.

Sending you a big cwtch, take care x

KTRace · 21/09/2010 10:30

Thank you, I am sorry for you loss too BBMcFate hope you are ok x

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page