On friday at 10weeks pregnant I found out that despite there being a heartbeat 2 weeks ago, my baby had died. I decided to wait to naturally miscarry as this is what happened at xmas when I was 9 weeks pregnant.
I don't feel the anger and frustration and utter devastation I did last time, this time I just feel so very, very sad.
I am lucky I have a DC who is just over 3. We have been trying for just shy of 2.5 years to conceive DC#2. I got pregnant first time really easily, had an easy pregnancy (mainly), a not so good birth and terrible pain for about 9 weeks after the birth due to back issues. I naively thought getting pregnant and staying pregnant would be easy. But it has sadly not been the case.
I have an unusual medical condition that was only diagnosed 14months ago that means I don't ovulate and have to take drugs to do so. Consequently it takes me ages for my body to get to a state where pregnancy is possible after each pregnancy.
Last MC I felt angry that another obstacle had been put in the way of us getting DC#2, this time I feel like there will be no more children for us.
So here I am waiting for the process to start, sort of in limbo, but also sure that this is the last time my body will carry a baby.
To make matters slightly more complicated we are due to go on holiday next week (in the UK), we are trying to decide whether this is a good or bad idea - I am undecided and I suppose it will depend on when the bleeding starts.
I have lurked on this board since my last MC in december and wanted to say how very strong I think you all are and that reading your stories has helped me come to terms with my situation.
I am not strong enough to go through this process again so for me I am going to put all my energies into my DC and my DH. I know I am lucky to have them.
Many thanks for reading this, it has helped to put this down for me.