My miscarriage

[littlewish]

I lost my baby 7 weeks ago, I was 20 weeks pregnant. I shouldn't of been pregnant as my DH had a vasectomy 4 years ago! The doctor said he was a late failure! Anyway, after explaining all this to our DS16 and DS10, friends and family we all got really excited and we were very happy. "It was meant to be" everyone said.

We went for our 20 week scan on 1st of July,it was pouring with rain and dark....turned out to be one of the worst days of my life. The sonographer's words will stay in my head for ever "Things dont seem to be going to plan, I'm sorry but I can't find a heartbeat I've really tried". From that moment on I will never be the same again.

Our baby was born on the 5th of July, a beautiful summers day. I was told we wouldn't be able to tell the sex as the baby had only grown to 15 weeks in size, although I heard the heartbeat at 18 weeks. I was also told it might be best not to see the baby so I said ok but that is a decision myself and husband regret. The hospital took care of the burial but have never informed us of when it had happened, not sure if they are supposed to.

I have stopped crying a little. No one sees me cry anymore. I cry when everyone is out or when I'm in bed or the bath!

I'll never forget our baby and will light a candle on the due date. I'm going to buy a forget-me-not necklace and wear it as much as I can. I loved my baby.

Thanks for reading my story. It is a lot more than this short version but I felt I was ready to post a bit here as I have read many stories and feel so sad for everyone and their individual circumstances.

A stranger asked me today how many children I had. I said 3. I'll never see her again so I won't need to explain.

How very softly you tiptoed into our world almost silenly,
Only a moment you stayed,
But what an imprint your footsteps have left upon our hearts.

[MamaPower]

littlewish, my thoughts are with you. After my first mc I mum bought me a charm for my bracelet that I wear as much as possible and we also planted a rose in memory in our garden. I hope with time and love from your family you will get though this. x

[Muser]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[randomimposter]

I'm so sorry. I know all losses are terrible, but I always find those after 12 weeks even more upsetting; it's all supposed to be "safe" then.

I hope you find some solace in the days and weeks to come.

[MummyAbroad]

Littlewish.

I'm sorry for you loss. Thank you for posting your story for us. Those are such beautiful words at the end, and I really like the idea of lighting a candle on the due date, I think I will do that too. I am trying to decide whether to give my baby a name.

best wishes for you xxxxx

[PrettyVacant1]

I'm so sorry for your loss Littlewish
Love to you and your family xx

[Tallybear]

Littlewish I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I was crying reading your story.

I found out about my mmc at the 12 week scan (not as bad I imagine as at the 20 week scan) and I too remember hearing the news like it was yesterday: 'It's not good news I'm afraid, I can't find a heartbeat'. Although I couldn't tell you anything she said after that point, I don't think I even heard anything else. Something about 9 weeks....

My heart goes out to you.

[LouMacca]

So very sorry to read your heartbreaking story.

I don't know if anyone has mentioned SANDS to you? They have been a great comfort to my friend since her baby girl was born sleeping 3 years ago. They have an on-line forum and message board and people who will understand what you have been through.

Take Care x