MMC at 16w+4, so many questions...any help welcomed

[BackOnceAgain]

Hello to anyone who has looked at this, I am namechanged but an old mn'er who hasn't been on the boards for a couple of years.

So my first miscarriage happened last monday night I was dealt with absolute respect and dignity at local hospital. I opted for the ERPC, it seemed like the best idea for me, personally.
I am ranging from grief to anger to absolute denial to calm as I am sure is 'normal'. I am so lucky to have 2 dc's and a great dh to cuddle.

On the second confirmation scan I asked if they could tell us how old the baby was and the reply was, "12weeks2days, but they start to curl up so it is not an accurate measurement" what does THAT mean? Does it mean the baby could've been 15/16 weeks when it died?

I had started to spot (which is why I went in) so I may have miscarried naturally anyway. So if it wasn't a first trimester MMC but a 2nd trimester miscarriage then are there more serious implications to this?

Also, if you have had a ERPC and had blood tests done how long does it take to get the PM results and do they post this to you or do you see your GP?

Sorry for rambling hope that makes sense, any help appreciated, I don't know anyone in RL who miscarried so late...

BackonceAgain,

I am so sorry for your loss, you sound like you are coping very well, but it really is an awful thing to go through and it might take some time before it all really sinks in.

Sorry that I dont have a lot of answers for you, but I can tell you my miscarriage was discovered at 14.5 weeks (light spotting too) but the baby measured 8 weeks. I just mention this to show that its entirely possible for a baby to stop growing and there be no sign at all of whats happened for a good few weeks. (I even stopped spotting and there was no sign that I was going to miscarry naturally so I had medically managed mc)

I have seen a lot of posts recommending the miscarriage association. I've got no personal experience talking to them because I am not in the UK, but have heard the service is very good. Perhaps they can answer some more questions.
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
look after yourself, and just take each day as it comes for now.

hugs,

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

so sorry for your loss x

Thanks to you both for your replies. It is amazing that I was so calm when I wrote that post but couldn't get out of the shower 10 mins later as I was crying so hard and didn't want ds to see me The emotions are intense and unpredictable and the thought of leaving the house scares me to death...I am lucky my Mum is taking the dc out as my husband has to work all weekend to catch up on the time he's missed (self-employed.)

Mummy abroad, thanks for sharing your story and sorry for your loss too, I hadn't even heard of a MMC until they told me that's what I had had.

I think I will definitely get in touch with the miscarriage association. The doctors and nurses were fab and although I had a few questions answered I just wanted to get out of hospital and forgot so many...

Hi I am very sorry for your loss :(
I have had 2 1st trimester and 2 second tri losses and they did do more testing etc after the 2nd tri losses as the causes are often different (incompetent cervix, hughes syndrome) but of course they can also be the same as 1st tri losses (genetic disorders etc).

I did read that 2nd tri MC are more likely to recurr, it said this in my hospital report after loosing DD at 20 wks. This is as the same cause may recurr (in my case incompetent cervix and hughes) but when it is known about it can be monitored and prevented (I had an emergency stitch with my next preg and DS was born at term). However most cases could well be a one off and I know alot of people who have lost in the 2nd tri (through support groups) and most of their next pregnancies were fine.

It must be really hard not knowing when exactly you lost the baby. I found it really hard accepting that my baby was totally healthy but my body just MC. Still, in time things get alot easier than the raw grief of the early days.

take care and get some rest if you can.

jellybeans, thanks so very much for your reply, and so sorry for you too I know I am more worried about the PM results coming back as 'normal', its like I want there to be something wrong (how twisted is that?) then I can imagine my body is good at detecting abnormalities and not that it was my fault I had that glass of wine, went to the gym, swam in a warm pool,tried that bit of pate, basically anything I had done. So yes I know exactly what you mean when you say that. I am in limbo at the moment waiting for answers I don't really want. Weird.

I'm guessing you had 12 week scans too? I struggle with the image of a wriggly jiggly baby on the screen who I'll never meet. I'm sure its the same for everyone who's been through that and much much worse for those who lost later than I.

Thanks for all your help

I am so sorry for your loss.

When I had a late MC my consultant said that the baby starts to curl up and this could change the dates. I had felt the baby move on the Sunday and had been very unwell felt sure that was when my pregnancy ended. I mention this because he said he would only expect a five day variation. He said that after tests he would know more accurately. But he also said that there were no more serious implications in a 2nd trimester MMC when the mother already had other healthy DCs.

I went back to see the consultant six weeks after, to get the test results and ask any questions I needed to ask. I don't know if this is the same everywhere.

thinking of You

Hi BackOnceAgain,

Just wanted to say that whatever your results the loss of your baby really really wasnt your fault.

Guilt is a common response to this kind of loss, but try not to go there, you are already suffering, and will only add to it by blaming yourself.

I know what you mean about wanting to find something, I think we all want to know the reason WHY, but unfortunately its often just horrible bad luck and very very unfair.

If you do feel guilty reading this might help..

www.pregnancyloss.info/myths.htm

best wishes

xxxx

no problem, I understand totally, I was desperate for my baby to have something wrong to explain it rather than me feel more responsible. I was crushed when the tests came back all normal on her.

Still, after loosing another baby at 23 weeks who did have a chromosome disorder I learned that you often feel guilt no matter what the sitution after a loss, it's part of normal grieving.

I had scans at 6, 8, 10, 13, 16 weeks and she was fine on all those. She was still alive at almost 21 weeks when i went into labour but sadly died during the birth. I had no contractions at all just felt pushing sensations.

Somebody above said that their doctor said there were no more serious implications in a 2nd trimester MMC when the mother already had other healthy DCs, I had 4 healthy older children when I lost DD4, after her I had another MC. My other 2 MC were my 1st and 4th pregnancy. It is possible to develop conditions later, in my case I had had traumatic deliveries and D & Cs after my losses which can weakeen the cervix. The blood clotting antibodies can come and go. My doctor said any 2nd tri MC needed investigations and testing and close monitoring in next pregnancy.

Lynli, thankyou and sorry to hear you went through it too That is interesting as I thought I felt baby move when we were on holiday a couple of weeks ago. Although I distinctly remember getting weird sharp cramping pains at around 12weeks so maybe it did happen then..I hope I do get an appointment and chance to talk things through with a doctor, if the results arrive by post I'll be really pissed off.

Thanks MummyAbroad that link helped a lot,its exactly what I'm feeling, especially about going to the gym. I am even feeling guilty about losing this baby as me and dh had just started trying when we conceived and it took us over 12 months to get ds so I was in shock and worry that the baby knew it wasn't wanted enough (wtf????!!!!)

Gosh Jellybeans I can't imagine what you have been through or how terrible it was, you must be so strong. And yes after saying I almost want there to be something wrong I realise I would still feel guilty as I'd worry that I could create an abnormal foetus and that would worry me through any possible future pregnancies.

Thanks all for sharing your stories, you've all been so helpful to my state of mind.Its getting to the point, a week later that some friends think (as nice as they are) I probably won't need to keep talking about it. Which is fair enough, but is completely not true...

Hi BackOnceAgain,

How are you doing today?

Thats really spooky but I had the exact same guilt you described when I miscarried. I also got pregnant in the first month of ttc (in fact, we only had sex once and hit the mark first time!) I was in shock, it was a big stress on our relationship and stressful for my 2 year old as I felt so sick, my husband and I argued.. so many excuses to feel guilty if I wanted to.

I know what you mean about the reaction of friends too. I was lucky enough to be able to get to see a therapist very soon after finding out the news and it helped enormously, it made me realise what a big trauma a miscarriage is, how difficult it is to work through all the emotions it brings up. Before experiencing it first hand I too would have thought two weeks would be enough to get over it, but it really isnt. Dont succumb to any pressure (even the kind you put on yourself) to "get back to normal" as fast as you can. Take your time and go at your own pace (not theirs)

hugs xxxx

Hi again MummyAbroad, thanks for your message. that IS so weird I have a 2 yr old too and was so sick with this one I had no time or energy for him, it really annoyed me. Isn't it ridiculous how your mind works?

How long ago was yours if you don't mind me asking? Are you trying again? It was the first thing I thought of but now I am thinking I need time to do other things. Getting a job is at the top of my list as I lost mine in Jan, also redecorating. Just need to get my teeth into something. I went out for the first time yesterday for a walk with ds and to the local shop. Felt ok so today I'm going to meet a friend at the park.

The only thing that's messing up my head is I have a friend who's due the same week I was (actually I have 3, can you believe it?) coming to stay for a couple of days tonight. I don't know how I'm going to be.
xxx

Hi Back,

v. spooky. I felt so guilty all through the pregnancy about not being able to look after dd, rushed him out of nappies and into a big bed poor thing. He is so much happier now he has got me all back to himself though.

My miscarriage story is a bit odd, I had a scan on 31 March at 14 weeks and found out the baby had no heartbeat. It measured 8 weeks and the uterus 10 weeks(?) apart from spotting there was no other signs of problems. I opted for medical management but it didnt work so was repeated 7 (yes 7) times throughout April. In May I still had a small amount of tissue left so I had it sucked out with a long tube (not ERPC) and was sent off to a blood specialist, had to wait a month for appointment (results normal). In June went to get checked again and see if it was OK to ttc, and my doc did a scan. Massive amounts of placental tissue had regrown and I was told it looked like molar pregnancy. After a week of total panic and lots of tests and an ERPC in early July I finally got the all clear. It was not molar, but I have no explanation for what it was. Its been 6.5 weeks since ERPC, not supposed to be ttc yet, BUT 2 weeks ago went to docs and he did a scan,all tissue gone, womb lining has been regrowing and I was ovulating!

High on the good news, we celebrated three days in a row and now I am frantically pregnancy testing every day. TBH I will be happy with a period OR BFP (BFP better!) If i dont get one or the other soon I will have to go on progesterone/the pill to bring on my period.

Bit of a nervous wreck at the moment, desperate for info from my body and feeling mixture of excitement and nerves and worry.
Its only been in the last two weeks that I have started to think about ttc, and I am now 4 months on from the start of the miscarriage. My therapist told me its important to grieve for your loss completely and approach any new pregnancy as something different, not a replacement for the first one. I think its really good advice.

My sister in law is 7 months pregnant, its difficult for me too, but getting better. Still not sure if I will go to the baby shower, will you? By the way, the is a good bit in the pregnancy loss link above about dealing with other pregnant ladies, have a read.

Sorry this is SO LONG! Your question came just when I needed to tell someone!

xxxx

MA, gosh that sounds like a really traumatic medical experience (as if the emotional side wasn't enough.) It must be a relief to find out you are ovulating again and do let me know what the results are this month!!

I agree with your therapist that replacing the baby straight away is not the right move, especially not for me. I think in 4 months time I'll prob be ready to try again, maybe sooner but certainly not right now. Must stop eating chocolate biscuits and drinking wine though... this is NOT conducive to a healthy body or mind

Well my friend is staying and its fine! And she's probably more worried than me! I never thought that way, that pregnant friends would think 'shit, this could happen to me' She's carrying twins so its nice being able to chat about the implications of that, but she's letting me talk too, she has had a mc too so knows how I'm feeling.

Thanks for chatting xxx

Hi,

Yeah, it was bloody horrible! But thankfully, I am feeling much better now. I think the long drawn out medical stuff gave me time to do the grieving I needed to.

Still in limbo at the moment waiting for a BFP or AF, but I will keep you posted if anything happens. Wedding anniversary is on Sunday and I am off to a lovely hotel, its a very welcome distraction from all this waiting

Your friend sounds lovely, of course if she has had a mc she can really understand. You made me remember that my sister in law miscarried once too, although I didn't know her then. It hadn't occurred to me that I might be getting her worried.

take care
xxxx

PS If your recovery goes anything like mine, then the chocolates and wine phase is followed by crash diet and then new clothes spending spree. Watch out biscuits, your days are numbered..

Wow, enjoy your hotel break, you certainly deserve a real treat.

After a week of drinking every night i feel disgusting so yes I'll definitely get back to the gym and some vegetables inside me soon...I can sense there'll be a shift soon, maybe after the weekend though

Also going to be brave and phone the docs next week, I've wanted to put my head in the sand this week but I need to know how long the results are going to take to come through. Also been advised to check my rubella vaccination is up to date.

bye for now xx

Glad you've joined us on the other thread. Do let us know how you get on at the docs xxxx

Thank MA I was going to phone docs today before realising its a bank holiday-doh!