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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Am I weird for feeling this way - early miscarriage

17 replies

Secondtimelucky · 04/08/2010 16:01

I had a miscarriage at the weekend. I was 8 weeks. However, looking back, I am almost certain that things never really 'got off the ground' with this one. I had none of the symptoms (funny sense of smell, some foods tasting wrong, even a sip of wine for a toast tasting rank) that I had in my previous pregnancy (DD now 15 months).

I feel very sad about what happened, and I cried buckets Sunday and Monday, but I don't really feel I need to grieve as such. I am at work, no one knows, I don't feel like I'm about to cry.

I feel very sad for what might have been, and gripped by irrational panic that I have secondary infertility and will struggle to have more children, but I don't feel devasted the way many women seem to.

Is this normal? I don't think I'm in the 'denial' stage of grief (although maybe I'm in denial that I'm in denial). Has anyone else felt like this? Or am I just heartless?

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 04/08/2010 16:04

Nope, you're not weird. I had the same just before Christmas - never really felt pg, wasn't at all surprised when I started to bleed at 8w, and have been pretty pragmatic about it since.

I am actually getting a bit more emotional about it now, several months on, but that is primarily because I am not falling pg again as easily as I had hoped. And also we have just passed the 'would-have-been EDD', so that was a bit of a sad day.

Very sorry to hear your news though.

Original poster

Secondtimelucky · 04/08/2010 16:11

Thank you thumbwitch.

Yes, I think I will get sadder if I haven't conceived again quite quickly. If I am not pregnant by the EDD I know I will find that really hard. I have my fingers crossed because it happened for us first/second month the first two times, so I am hoping I won't have to cross that hurdle.

Sorry to hear your situation, but thank you for sharing it with me. Makes me feel less odd.

I hope things work out for you soon.

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 04/08/2010 16:13

Thank you - me too! Hope you manage it quickly too - but not too quickly, apparently if you get pg again within 3m of a MC, there is a higher chance of having twins! Unless of course you want twins...

Original poster

Secondtimelucky · 04/08/2010 16:18

eek, no. Twins souds terrifying (having just had one who didn't sleep through the night until she was 11 months, and still wakes up at 5am).

OP posts:

BooKangaWonders · 04/08/2010 16:19

I had a mc at 11.5 weeks. Just like OP, the pg symptons seemed to go away as the weeks went on, not get worse, but I didn't really worry about it, as I had 2 dc already and was busy! So, missed mc, then pg 3 months later.

I think that any feelings you have are valid, so I don't think you're in denial or heartless or anything like that. You're getting by in the way that is best for you.

Good luck.

teameric · 04/08/2010 16:22

I am kind of going through this atm, although I haven't "officially" miscarried yet. I am about 5 weeks pg but have no symptoms at all and never felt things were "right" at all, started to bleed on fri was very but can't say I was very surprised iykwim. Been for a scan but they couldn't see a heartbeat or anything because it is too early, I have to go back next Mon, but in my heart of hearts I know I have lost the baby as today I have bled much more and have had awful cramps. I will be more shocked if on Mon they tell me that anything is there as I have resigned myself to the fact that the baby has gone. I actually feel rather ditactched from it all and really just want it over and done with, maybe it is defence mechanism?

teameric · 04/08/2010 16:23

and I am very sorry for all your losses.

Original poster

Secondtimelucky · 04/08/2010 16:25

Yours too (if it is confirmed).

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 04/08/2010 16:26

I don't know, teameric - could be. I wasn't completely without tears when it happened - was very upset in fact but resigned to it, like you say. But as Secondtimelucky says, just not devastated by the loss. I suppose part of it is a prosaic feeling that there was probably something wrong for it to have terminated in the first place - it's not like getting to being 16 or 20 weeks pg and then losing it, which must be just horrendous.

DuelingFanjo · 04/08/2010 16:27

I think 'normal' id different for different people. I miscarried a much wanted baby after months of trying and fertility investigations. I was devastated. Had I not really been trying maybe I would have felt differently.

hopefully this is your way of coping and you will conceive again

zazen · 04/08/2010 16:38

I don't think that's abnormal in any way .

After ttcing for three years we had a 50 day pause. What I called my AF arrived with bad pain and a lot of clots.

Looking back I think I was pg (50 days) but all I felt was relief that we had actually got pg at all, even as I was passing clots.

We conceived DD 5 mos later, and I had very strong symptoms after 14 days, so I don't know if I really got off the ground with the other one. I just felt relief that we wouldn't have to go down the ICSI route, as we had a false start ourselves (without intervention) it gave me hope of our natural fertility IYSIM after three years of no signs at all.

Not sure of that makes sense..
Good luck, and take your folic acid!

tingelingle · 04/08/2010 16:40

I kept saying to people I didn't feel pregnant and sure enough, it turned out that the fetus stopped growing at 6ish weeks and I miscarried just after 8 weeks. Day 1 in a haze, day 2 'I'm fine, really', whilst panicking about ever being able to conceive again, Day 3 utter despair, Day 4 just felt perfectly normal. In fact a few days later I described my feeling as euphoric to a friend. I think my body dealt with the whole thing really well, including my emotions.

Got pregnant again the next month, thankfully. And, that thing about twins that thumbwitch mentioned - seems it's true!

I hope things go well for you too.

thumbwitch · 04/08/2010 16:48

tingelingle - are you pg with twins then?
Congratulations!

I had been ttc for a longish time too - 18 months at least - and DH was the same as you, Zazen, happy to know that I could still at least get pg. But the longer it goes again now without any positive outcome, the more despondent I am getting (as well as older, which is adding to the pressure).

Original poster

Secondtimelucky · 04/08/2010 16:58

Tingelingle - oh goodness. I really don't want twins. Scares the living daylights out of me! Perhaps we should wait a few months...

I wonder if it's like the way that they sometimes give women the pill before IVF now. There is a 'bounce back' from the hormones.

Thanks everyone. I've got fingers crossed for all of you.

OP posts:

teameric · 04/08/2010 17:12

tingelingle, congrats!

saintlydamemrsturnip · 04/08/2010 17:16

I felt the same after an 8 week mc. It was my 2nd pregnancy - may have felt differently had it been my first.

banana87 · 04/08/2010 21:23

It feels strange admitting it, but I didn't even cry with my most recent mmc. I just felt like the pregnancy was never 'normal' and felt 'wrong' so was not at all suprised when at 7 weeks there was no hb. It was actually a few weeks later when I started miscarrying (after the ERPC) some retained stuff that I very nearly burst into tears but held it together.

I think its normal to feel as you are. Like you, I got pregnant very quickly three times (2 m/c), I think that has something to do with it.

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