What can I say?

[Swishswish]

DP's SIL just lost her baby I think she wasn't yet 12 weeks but she was admitted to hospital and stayed in overnight. (I don't know much about miscarriage, I haven#t ever been pregnant)

Her pregnancy wasn't yet public knowledge though, so I hadn't even said congratulations :{
However now I have realised she knows that I knew about her pregnancy and of course about the miscarriage. I don't see her very often, should I email to say how sorry I am for her loss, or wait until I see her? Or should I not mention it until she mentions it?

Sorry, I have a lot of questions as you can tell! What are the right things to say to her?

If she knows you knew, you must acknowledge her loss

I would ring her directly and tell her you are sorry, and that you are thinking of her

I don't even have her number, neither does DP (actually she isn't a SIL, but DP's brother's new gf, but I didn't know how to write that all out)

Actually I could get her number by asking a mutual friend.

I don't know why I didn't think of that by myself. Gah.

ah, ok

you are not that close then

an acknowledgement is still in order though

I think an email, in this case, would be ok (am not that keen on them, myself), or a little note throught the post

a call would be ideal, though

If you think a call is best I will do that.
Thanks.

I have to disagree and say a card would be better than a call, specially if you don't know her that well.

When I lost a pregnancy the last thing I wanted was people I didn't know really, really well calling up to commiserate, when I would have felt obliged to talk about it (while trying not to break down in tears). Luckily it was at a stage where I hadn't told many people so I didn't have to cope with that. I really only wanted to talk about it with friends who had gone through similar things. But I had a few cards and messages from other people who knew, and they were appreciated.

she will appreciate it, I promise

the very worst thing that people did when I had my mc's was to ignore it