My friend just lost her 4th baby - what can I do/say to help her?

[nikki1978]

My lovely friend has just told me that her 4th pregnancy is now over at 24 weeks I am so gutted for her and wish there was something I could do. Her first three pregnancies ended at either 16 weeks or 18 weeks (one due to abnormalities and premature rupture of membranes, the second due to an infection in the placenta and premature rupture of membranes, the third the baby was fine and a stitch was put in but the membranes went again. This time she has been so desperately worried about her cervix opening early but in the end the baby hadn't grown between the 22 and 24 week scans and when she went in for monitoring the next day there was no heatbeat.

I am so sad and worried about her. Will she be ok? Will she ever be able to have children? A while ago I offered to be a surrogate for her but with the problems the babies have had I don't know if this is still an option.

Life is damn unfair sometimes

your poor friend, i have no answers but couldn't read and run...

you sound like a wonderful friend though, (offering to be a surrogate)

just be there for her i guess, give her a shoulder to cry on

How very sad for her.

Poor girl. Does she live anywhere near London? If so, can she ask her GP for referral to St Mary's Paddington who have a brilliant unit for treatment of recurrent miscarriage - a friend of mine had 5 mcs then with her last PG was looked after by St marys and now has a lovely DS.

I know she was already referred to a unit in London for this. She never told me the name but I presume this was the same one. I have a feeling she may give up after this. Her sister suffered several miscarriages and eventually ended up adopting and has two beautiful children so she has mentioned before maybe going down this route.

I think having going throough the whole labour process and holding her babies but not being able to take them home was too much for her 3 times and this one may prove too much for her and her DH

hi nikki this is just AWFUL and puts into perspective a lot of what the rest of us have been through. (i have had four miscarriages but all first trimester.) i simply can't imagine how she managed to keep going through such late stage losses; she must be phenomenally strong. it is amazing of you to offer to be a surrogate and definitely worth repeating the offer at the right moment even if it's no longer possible or she doesn't want it. i think it's one of the most incredible things a woman can do for another woman and she will know what a true friend you are for offering.