mmc at 10 weeks, absolutely devastated.

[kat2504]

Had private scan with babybond this morning, which revealed no growth and the heartbeat has gone. Wish I had never seen the heartbeat two weeks ago. I had an alive baby inside me and now it is a dead one. I haven't broken the news to my boyfriend yet (we don't live together) and am dreading this. We'd even told our parents. I know the rest of you on here will understand what I mean when I say I had no idea this could hurt me so much. I still have my dead embryo inside me with no sign of any bleeding.

I'm hoping to have surgery rather than go through this naturally. Anyone have any advice on whether this is the best choice?

My sympathy to everyone on here, I'm sure if you are reading this topic you are/have been in the same boat. It is the worst feeling.

No advice for you but just wanted to say how terribly sorry I am for you .
Sending hugs.

Kat, I'm so sorry. Something similar happened to me earlier in the year. It's so sad and awful, especially if unexpected like this.

I did it naturally, which was fine, but it did take a few weeks to start and a few to settle. Surgery will get it over with quicker. It's just a personal choice really.

Kat - I am so, so sorry that you are going through this, that is so very sad

I found out at a scan at 16 weeks that my baby had died - like you, I had had previous "normal" healthy scans (3 in my case, the last at 13 weeks) showing a lively baby with a strong heartbeat, I had had no pain or bleeding and had no idea that anything could have gone so badly wrong. It is such a terrible, terrible shock and I also had trouble accepting that that awful image on the screen of that still baby was the same baby that had been wriggling and waving at me 3 weeks earlier. Nothing prepares you for that news.

Take some time to think over your options and discuss them with your boyfriend. Please contact your midwives and/or EPU asap for advice (I'm assuming you are already registered with midwives but if not please call them and they will help). I would have thought they would ask you to go to EPU anyway for a further scan do that they can determine the situation for themselves.

In my case, I did opt for surgery, and although I hated the thought of what was happening to my baby, it was physically fine, and quick, and I've made a good recovery. Emotionally though it's just not something you can get over quickly, but that would have been the same if i had miscarried naturally. In the end, only you know what you are best able to cope with at the minute.

I hope that you manage to speak to your boyfriend and to the midwife soon and are getting the support that you need in RL. I am just so sorry this has happened to you.

Thank you for the messages of support. i popped into the hospital cos i couldn't bear just being here alone (boyfriend and family don't live locally) not knowing what to expect. They were really nice and were not pissed off with me for turning up just for someone to talk to/cry on. I am going in tomorrow for another scan to confirm the diagnosis. I hope i can ask them not to see it on the tv. I know it will confirm the worst so at least I am not going in with any false hope.
I received my maternity exemption card in the post yesterday. Guess I'll have to return that now
This pregnancy was unplanned, and before, I didn't realise how much I wanted to have a baby. I feel guilty for not having being happy at first,as if I didn't deserve it. I was happy underneath, just bewildered and shocked. I would have loved the baby so much if it had of been meant to be.

Kat - just to reassure you, you will not have to see the screen. It was turned away from me from the start and the sonographer asked if I wanted to see it after she had told me the news. In my case, I needed to see it myself to believe it, but I understand that others may feel differently, especially if you have already had one traumatic scan.

Please please do not feel guilty - unplanned does not mean unwanted, or unloved. This is not your fault.

All the best for tomorrow, will be thinking of you x

So sorry you are going through this, Kat.

I found out at my routine 12 week scan that my baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I had no warning signs that anything was wrong. No bleeding, not even spotting, and lots of pregnancy symptoms.

My pregnancy was also unplanned, but once we were over the shock, we were getting quite excited about it & were looking forward to the first scan. Nothing prepared me for the horrible experience that scan turned out to be.

I opted for the ERPC, which was definitely the right choice for me. It was quick & simple & physical recovery was very quick, whereas the natural miscarriage I experienced years before, was a very painful & horrible. I knew I couldn't face going through that again.

I hope you have some support right now.
I don't yet live with my DP either, and found it a struggle being on my own those first few days, so stayed with my mum the first night & then had a friend round the second night.
Do you have someone who can come & sit with you tonight?

I feel so guilty because I didn't tell anyone abotu the private scan. had it done because of a weird sense of worry and foreboding that others told me was normal. Didn't want to make a fuss..... hoped that the scan would show all normal and could feel relieved. I just knew somehow there was something not right.
Feel so insecure about everything. After the bfp, my bf was very supportive. living together, all that, love you, will marry you one day etc. So scared that when I tell him tomorrow he will not feel the same way. Hope he meant it anyway, cos he never talked about that stuff before the baby. He is so excited about it and I feel so guilty and i can't tell him on the phone (tried to ring earlier but couldn't do it) and am dreading tomorrow. I knew he loved me anyway, even if he was not forthcoming with words, but I don't know how we are going to deal with this.
I am foolishly drinking some wine and hoping the epau will see me in the morning not the afternoon as planned. My boyfriend will be devastated I know, but I know he will look after me. wish i had family nearby but no point phoning them at this time of day when they can't get here tonight.
Thanks to all for your support. It's just nice to know that people are sympathetic sometimes

I remember drinking quite a bit of wine in the days following my mmc. It dulled the pain a little. As long as you don't give yourself a hangover and end up feeling worse.

Your bf is going to be very upset, and there is a difficult time ahead, but you may well end up closer as a result. Feeling guilty is a normal reaction, and there's probably no point in me telling you you've nothing to feel guilty for, because you'll feel it anyway. But if your bf is a nice man, he'll just feel concerned for you, and want to look after you.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this by yourself today. Best wishes for tomorrow.

I had that exact same feeling that all would not be well, even though I had no reason to. Was almost like a sixth sense. I remember not being able to focus past the scan day.

Your bf will no doubt be upset, but hopefully he will also be a great support for you. My DP was my absolute rock & I do think it brought us closer, but I have also had moments of insecurity. I think it is normal, as your head is all over the place. I hope you can help each other through this difficult time.

Thinking of you.

So sorry for you and BF and your baby, Kat. I had a MMC followed by and ERPC last month, and I was shocked at how amazing my DH was ? he's not usually great with emotional stuff. Give your BF the chance to support you and you may just be surprised.

I was scared about the ERPC but that was actually the easiest bit ? and I definitely felt more able to cope when I woke up and my pregnancy symptoms were gone. I'm still having the odd cry (usually after a bit to drink!), but it does get better ? I promise! And we're all here to listen? MN was (and still is) a godsend for me.

Sending you hugs.

Hello there.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this, it's really shit.

I had a mmc discovered at my 12 week scan, that the baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I opted for an ERPC, and really it was ok. The procedure itself was fine, i was in very little pain afterwards, just emotionally rather than physical.A little cramping, and some bleeding that was more like a wound bleeding than a period.

If you want, I can tell you in detail about what to expect.

((hugs))

Thanks. Am booked in for the erpc on Monday. Had the most awful two days but starting to come through it a little bit now. Getting a bit of bedrest today. So far no family members have come out with any of the usual cliched lines. Knowing how common it is doesn't make it any easier but at least if other people have been through this and been ok after a while, so will I. It has at least shown me how much I want a baby with my partner. Next time it will be planned and I will be able to enjoy it from the start.
I would appreciate any details about what to expect during and after the surgery. Thanks again for the support