late miscarriage 17 weeks-advice needed please

[shellybop81]

Hi all.
Im new to this but could really use advice from others who have been in same situation.
I lost my baby at 17 weeks in May. I was booked in for an amniocentesis due to my blood test coming back with me having a 1:31 high risk of my baby having Edwards Syndrome I went for a detailed scan before amnio, but sadly i noticed straight away that there was no heartbeat. I agreed to full post mortem as my doctor was 99% sure baby had Edwards Syndrome. I had an induced labour, which i think i dealt with pretty well, but then things went wrong and i hemoraged (sorry for spelling!) got rushed to theatre and discovered placenta was well and truly stuck. Very traumatic for me but i think my body is still in shock. I am currently a nervous wreck as D-Day is nearly upon me for results. In 9 hours i shall be with my doctor to find out why my baby died. I have not grieved-something is stopping me from doing so. Is this normal?? I have my memory box but have not yet looked in it. I have photos which i have looked at once or twice, but i just feel sooo empty. Any advice much appreciated x

Hi there shellybop.

I am so sorry to hear about your baby.

I lost one of my twins when I was pregnant, although it was much earlier in my pregnancy, and I didn't have to go through all the surgical things and testing that you have. Even so, it was really hard - especially because I couldn't find anyone who had gone through the same thing.

You say that you are wondering whether feeling empty is normal, and that you think that something is stopping you from grieving. I know that I used to worry about whether I was behaving /feeling appropriately too... I think that it would have helped me if someone had told me that loss and grief are what they are, and there is no "normal".

Have you tried contacting SANDS? I rang their helpline, and found them to be so helpful and understanding - and they also support people who lost their baby in the second trimerster as you did. The contact details are www.uk-sands.org/Contact-Us.html

Hope all goes as well as it possibly can tomorrow...

Thanks Firepile

I did actually get information regarding sands when i left the hospital. I will be honest and say i havent looked through it yet. I just kinda put everything together and left it sitting there. I think its purely because i didnt want to have to admit to myself my baby was gone.

Luckily i have another 3 kids, who have kept me on my toes, they have kept me busy so i havent really had the time to sit and think about things. Still not sure if that has been a good thing or a bad thing... My GP thinks it will be a good few months before it hits me, friends/family think possibly my due date...i just hope that once results are in i may have a little closure on things.
As you can see, sleeping is impossible for me tonight....

Will seriously give sands alot of thought tho x

Hi SB - how did it go yesterday? I am sorry - I had to go to bed sunday night, and was offline yesterday, os I hadn't seen you'd posted.

Hi sb my thoughts r with you, i have been through this too,(17 &5) well yesterday i had to deliver baby and the placenta got stuck also, i didnt want to go to surgery as i knew it would prolong the stay at hospital i have 2 other dc which i wanted to get home too.

eventually after they put a drip up to speed contractions i delivered placenta, such a horrible experience , when i close my eyes all i can see is my wee baby half formed .

i dont know what to say how to get through it, i dont know how it will be on my babys due date which would be xmas day and i think no matter how many kids u have it doesnt matter it makes you think about it even more.

my thoughts r with u xx

So sorry for your loss. Sands have been very helpful to me, they are fab. Thinking of you.