4 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, which don't get me wrong, is fantastic news, and we are both ecstatic, but absolutely petrified.
This is my 5th pregnancy and we are just praying luck is on our side this time round. We were told 4 years ago that we wouldn't be able to conceive naturally (I have PCO and was only having 1 or 2 periods a year) but just after we got married we found out we were pregnant. We were over the moon. We didn't even think about a MC, and then just before our 12wk scan we found out it had stopped growing at 10wks and I had had a MMC. We decided to take the positives out of something very sad that we had been able to conceive naturally.
I then got pregnant again so we were a little cautious this time round, but secretly happy thinking it couldn't happen to us again!?! I then started bleeding at 8 weeks so we went for a scan where they told us I was in the process of miscarrying and to go home and let them know if there was any problems. We were due to go on holiday that week for 2 weeks so we went to try and use it to heal our wounds. I still continued to bleed throughout but nothing major and just put it down to what I had experienced the time before. On the plane on the way back the pain was excrutiating, I spent the whole flight with my nails in my poor DH hand . He took me to straight to the EPU to find out it was an ectopic that had started to rupture as it was now 10 wks. They ended up removing my right tube. It took me months to recover, it really knocked us both for six.
After that we didn't try for a while. The third time we found out we were a little surprised as I wasn't having periods we just didn't think I could get pregnant, we were wrong . I had a scan and found out it too was a MMC at 11 weeks. But again, we were positive that I had got pregnant with one tube and PCO.
I have to say during this time our councellor was absolutely fabulous. It is a lifeline that has kept us sane and made us deal with our grief instead of ignoring it. My DH has got as much out of it as I have.
My 4th miscarriage happened 3 months ago at 6.5 weeks, we didn't really have enough time to get used to the idea before things went wrong. I went back to work 2 weeks later and just continued as normal.
Sitting here now, am feeling far from normal. As much as I try so hard to stay positive I am really struggling to. All I keep thinking is surely it can't happen again. We had a scan 2 weeks ago and saw a gestational sac and yolk so they dated me at about 5.5 wks even though last date of my period should have put me about 8 weeks, we were told to come back in 2 weeks time when we should hopefully see a hb. Both my husband & I absolutely dread scans and we are so scared. I just don't know how I would cope MC 5 times and having to face the thought we may never have children.
Our scan is on Tuesday and I just can't face going to work trying to pretend I am fine .... I am not fine, I am scared and can't think about anything else until Tuesday. Sorry for burbling, I have read mumsnet forums for a while now but have just been lurking. I have never got further than 11.5 weeks, I just wish luck would be on our side for this one.