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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Am so unbelievably scared

20 replies

BrownieGecko · 18/07/2010 19:36

4 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, which don't get me wrong, is fantastic news, and we are both ecstatic, but absolutely petrified.

This is my 5th pregnancy and we are just praying luck is on our side this time round. We were told 4 years ago that we wouldn't be able to conceive naturally (I have PCO and was only having 1 or 2 periods a year) but just after we got married we found out we were pregnant. We were over the moon. We didn't even think about a MC, and then just before our 12wk scan we found out it had stopped growing at 10wks and I had had a MMC. We decided to take the positives out of something very sad that we had been able to conceive naturally.

I then got pregnant again so we were a little cautious this time round, but secretly happy thinking it couldn't happen to us again!?! I then started bleeding at 8 weeks so we went for a scan where they told us I was in the process of miscarrying and to go home and let them know if there was any problems. We were due to go on holiday that week for 2 weeks so we went to try and use it to heal our wounds. I still continued to bleed throughout but nothing major and just put it down to what I had experienced the time before. On the plane on the way back the pain was excrutiating, I spent the whole flight with my nails in my poor DH hand . He took me to straight to the EPU to find out it was an ectopic that had started to rupture as it was now 10 wks. They ended up removing my right tube. It took me months to recover, it really knocked us both for six.

After that we didn't try for a while. The third time we found out we were a little surprised as I wasn't having periods we just didn't think I could get pregnant, we were wrong . I had a scan and found out it too was a MMC at 11 weeks. But again, we were positive that I had got pregnant with one tube and PCO.

I have to say during this time our councellor was absolutely fabulous. It is a lifeline that has kept us sane and made us deal with our grief instead of ignoring it. My DH has got as much out of it as I have.

My 4th miscarriage happened 3 months ago at 6.5 weeks, we didn't really have enough time to get used to the idea before things went wrong. I went back to work 2 weeks later and just continued as normal.

Sitting here now, am feeling far from normal. As much as I try so hard to stay positive I am really struggling to. All I keep thinking is surely it can't happen again. We had a scan 2 weeks ago and saw a gestational sac and yolk so they dated me at about 5.5 wks even though last date of my period should have put me about 8 weeks, we were told to come back in 2 weeks time when we should hopefully see a hb. Both my husband & I absolutely dread scans and we are so scared. I just don't know how I would cope MC 5 times and having to face the thought we may never have children.

Our scan is on Tuesday and I just can't face going to work trying to pretend I am fine .... I am not fine, I am scared and can't think about anything else until Tuesday. Sorry for burbling, I have read mumsnet forums for a while now but have just been lurking. I have never got further than 11.5 weeks, I just wish luck would be on our side for this one.

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FourLittleDucks · 18/07/2010 19:44

What an incredibly hard situation to be in. I bet Tuesday feels like an absolute age away.
It could be that going to work would be good to distract yourself with, but the pressure of trying to 'hold it all together' might be too much.
Do you have any friends at work you could confide in ?
Is there any option to work at home ?

Go easy on yourself. There are an awful lot of scars that have accumulated over the last few years

Do let us know how you get on. I'm sure there's people on MN who have been in similar situations.

LunaticFringe · 18/07/2010 19:47

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BrownieGecko · 18/07/2010 20:57

Thank you for your support, it is so nice to be able to talk to girls who have been through the same stuff.

Tuesday does feel like a age away FourLittleDucks, all this waiting is draining indeed but have tried to keep myself busy. My friends & DH have been great throughout all of this, I just don't want to open up this time until I know what the score is if that makes sense??

I agree with taking tomorrow off LunaticFringe, will be as useful as a chocolate teapot I think I was referred to St Mary's and have been with them about 9 months. Was prescribed Asprin which I have taken with the last 2 pregnancies. They have been very supportive and it is nice to know someone is looking out for you. I am very grateful for that. Our previous experiences weren't great before we were referred to be honest. Are you with St Mary's too?

Will let you know how it goes on Tuesday. Keeping everything crossed.

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Julezboo · 18/07/2010 21:06

Hyai Gecko

I am in a similar position to you. Currently 9 weeks 4 days pregnant and have had 7 mc's, most of them before 6 weeks.

I cannot relax, I had a few small bleeds early on but have had 3 brilliant scans (the last one was wednesday just gone!)and I was admitted to hospital for four days last week with hyperemesis but all the while people are saying it will be worth it, I cant know that for sure and I have my wobbly days (today for eg) where I am thinking I HOPE this is worth it, I dont want to go through weeks of feeling like shite and get nothing at the end.

I will be thinking of you on Tues, although that will only bring a short time of releif its so nice.

I am panicking now and plan to ring my EPU on Monday to see if they can get me in this week, thankfully they are very supportive!

Fingers crossed for you and please come back and update!!!

LunaticFringe · 18/07/2010 21:09

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BrownieGecko · 18/07/2010 21:30

Hi Julezboo, it must of been so devastating to have 7 MC's, you must be a very strong and courageous lady to have been through what you have been through. I know that will be a source of strength to many out there including me!. I will have everything crossed for you too.

You hit the nail on the head for me when you said "I hope this is worth it, I don't want to go through weeks of feeling like shite and get nothing at the end". Every time I get pregnant and my body and emotions trick me into thinking I will one day have a bump that has a nickname and a wonderful baby at the end of it I slam back down to earth with a thud. I am determined to hold onto the dream that one day it will be me and will take each week as it comes. I does have to be worth it. Am happy to hear your EPU are supportive, stay strong.

Good luck too LunaticFringe, and sorry for your losses . It has been very reassuring reading other peoples success stories when prescribed aspirin. It is horrible having to wait for the scan but as you say it is your first hurdle and take each one at a time. It is too much otherwise I find, end up doing my own head in. I think being in denial isn't such a bad thing until armed with more information which unfortunately in the early stages is so difficult to get reassurance. Thinking of you.

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TheDuckSaysMoo · 18/07/2010 21:32

Gecko - thinking of you. I think it is completely acceptable to call in sick tomorrow. Plan something (or a few things)for tomorrow that is as diverting as possible - sorting through photos, cinema, gardening, whatever works for you. Good luck for Tuesday.

SirBoobAlot · 18/07/2010 21:34

I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now, and I will be thinking of you. But I just wanted to say that my mother had a stillbirth and seven miscarriages, but has two children now - there is hope. x

Julezboo · 18/07/2010 21:46

Wanted to add Gecko, that I also have two gorgeous (All be it monkeys) boys who are 8 and 3 years old. The 3 year old came after 5 mc's and clexane and aspiring treatment. This time I am on Clexane, aspirin, higher dose folic acid and progesterone.

I am glad I can bring you strength, as long as you have that you will get there

mumatron · 19/07/2010 09:28

gecko i'm another on aspirin after recurrrent mc. i have had 4 mc and for this pregnancy i was prescribed aspirin (150mg) claxane and a double dose folic acid.

i'm 17 weeks now so hopefully things will be ok this time.

i can understand completely dread before each scan. take time off work if you need to, you have to think of yourself right now.

i really hope it goes well for you this time.

take care.

BrownieGecko · 19/07/2010 22:27

Thanks mumatron, I didn't go into work today, I just tried to distract myself pottering in the garden.

Scan isn't until 5 tomorrow afternoon so just trying to stay sane until then. Since yesterday I have been getting cramps and some brown blood, so am trying to be positive and calm telling myself all is ok

stay strong everyone

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mumatron · 20/07/2010 08:09

good luck for today. will keep my fingers crossed for you.

MrBrownieGecko · 20/07/2010 09:56

Hi, thanks for all your messages of support for my wife.
Unfortunately she started bleeding last night which obviously isn't good news.

We don't really know what to do, but have come in to St Mary's to hopefully see someone who can confirm what is happening.

We both feel pretty scared and angry. And sitting here in a waiting room full of pregnant women isn't the best!

Julezboo · 20/07/2010 10:00

Oh no. Send her my thoughts. I am still keeping everything crossed for you. With my youngest son I bled quite a lot quite heavily from 5 weeks through to 20 weeks.

Thinking of you both x

mumatron · 20/07/2010 10:02

tell her we are thinking of her. take care both x

MrBrownieGecko · 20/07/2010 11:00

Just had a scan, not good news I'm afraid.

mumatron · 20/07/2010 11:03

really sorry for you both.

Julezboo · 20/07/2010 11:22

take care of each other

LunaticFringe · 20/07/2010 20:31

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BrownieGecko · 22/07/2010 07:26

Thank you everyone for your kind words, and sorry for the radio silence. I have stared at this page quite a few times with the intention of writing something but had no idea what words would sum up how I felt right now. All I know is that we have felt numb since we got back from hospital.

I definitely feel angry this morning. Not only is it bad enough to go through this, but you then also get the double tango slap around the chops just to remind you that you are going through this by having to go through days of pain whilst you pass everything. Sorry, just felt like venting.

I just want to try and feel like I am taking control back, but at the moment my body isn't mine and I feel so helpless

A positive out of this however is that whilst I was waiting to see Prof R on Tuesday morning I had the presence of mind to keep what I passed in a specimen bottle whilst I was waiting to be scanned so that they could send it off for testing. She said it would take 4-5 wks so we will go back and see if they found out anything. My last MC happened much earlier and there was nothing they could really investigate at the time. I just need to know if there is something I could be taking other than aspirin to prevent this from happening again.

LunaticFringe I will definitely come and join you all on the Miscarriage Buns thread for a large dose of hope and little despair.

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