One Year On

[BebeBelge]

Hello All!

One year ago today my litte boy was still born at 16 weeks. He had been diagnosed with severe enancephaly a few weeks earlier. He would have been my second child and I am still struggling with his loss. I am currently 36 weeks pregnant with another boy and in some ways this has been very hard to take in. Noone talks about our first little boy and I want to scream that this baby in my belly is as my third child, not my second as everyone refers to the bump as "no. 2". I know I should be really happy to be pregnant again so soon, and I am of course, but I still miss mt boy and am so sad that he was too sick to be part of our family. In some ways, I am glad that I am still so upste over his loss because then at least I know he is not forgotten by the whole world. I will always remember him and wonder who he would have been.

I'm not expecting replies to this post, but I just wanted to write down what I was feeling as so many people in society around us try to brush misscarriage and baby loss under the carpet , but the pain does not go away easily for the greiving parents, and I for one, think it is ok, more than ok, to still feel sad. How could we not? Even though we may go on to have other children. So if anyone else is feeling sad and feels that they shouldn't becuase society thunks we should be 'over it' by now, please have a good cry and remember your lost one and be happy you had them for a while.

I am sorry for your loss.

I have had two miscarriages and two full term pregnancies. You don't forget but for me it has got easier. It's okay to be sad sometimes and remember.

When my DS was born he was baby number 14. Baby number 13 was a late MC. My emotions where all over the place I can remember sitting with my new baby in my arms tears streaming down by face for my lost baby. The new baby doesn't replace the old one, but cuddling him to me and kissing his soft skin certainly soothed my soul.

It is only when a new baby had arrived that it really hit me what I had lost. But I decided to enjoy every minute of him. And not worry that maybe I would never have had him if I had had the other baby. I loved them both and always will.

Of course it is ok to be sad, I still have a good cry 10 years on. I am sure no one has forgotten about your other baby, it is just a very difficult subject and no one knows what to say.

I do understand how you feel and I am sure lots of people would agree with you.

All the best with your new baby

I also lost my baby boy at 16 weeks (6 weeks ago), he would have been my first child. Although I don't expect people to fawn over me, I also have been upset that people don't even mention it - it's like nothing at all has happened. I work for a very small company, just myself, 2 directors and 1 part-time lady - to date nobody has even enquired as to my health! I know it's because they are walking on eggshells with me and not because they don't care but it makes me want to scream at them!
My dad called me last night, didn't even mention it but then that's par for the course with him! My mum has been excellent, she lost a child after she had me, so she can understand what I'm experiencing. My husband and I booked a holiday for September and all I keep getting from him is to look forward to the holiday and again, it makes me want to scream - hey great lose a child get a holiday, bloody marvellous. It's unfair to complain about him, he's suffering as well but we are now arguing as he gets upset when I refer to our baby as a boy, he doesn't want to think of him as a child - his way of coping I guess.
So all in all not really sure what I'm saying here but I guess the same as Bebe - I just need to vent.

I have also had MC's and have posted on here before about how upset I have been/still am and how DP and I argued terribly about our 2 most recent MC's so Debs3013* I do understand a bit about how you are feeling. We too booked a holiday and actually enjoyed our time away.
Bebebulge I am currently on my 5th pregnancy and I still cry everyday for the babies I've lost. It's bloody hard and I well up when reading other people stories and know we are on similar journies.
I don't really have anything constructive to add and I'm still grieving myself. I just wanted to answer your post and wish everyone well.

Thanks for the replies, girls. It is nice to know that at least some people don't think I'm 'dwelling' on the past and need to move on!

I can understand feeling a bit angry with your partner aswell. My husband said he preferred not to think of our baby as a baby at all as this helped him deal with it. I was furious when he first said this but now I realise that he is not me, and has to deal with his emotions in a differnt way. I know he loves me and he is sad too and that's all that matters.

Also, our whole experience was so traumatic. I had to be induced and was not allowed to give birth at a hospital but had to do it at home, and my poor husband had to clean up all the blood and mess. He didn't even want to look at our boy, whereas I cleaned him up, cut his cord and got him ready for the undertakers so for me, he was definitely a little baby.

Debs, hang in there, despite my post it does get easier. I have also found that sometimes if mention the baby first, people will be reieved to know that it is not an off-limits subject and lots of things that they wanted to say but didn't may come flooding out. With my good friends I told them straight I didn't want them to be afraid to talk about my baby, other people's babies, pregnancies etc., and that even though I couldn't guarantee not to cry, I didn't want them to tread on eggshells. Sometimes even when people say things that make you upset, it's still good to know that they are at least thinking about you.

Take care all xx