Email from my child’s infant school uk? I’m sorry but this all seems wrong?

[Frazzledmomma123]

Dear Families,

I wanted to address a concern that has understandably been raised regarding the use of a ‘safe word’ to move children out of the classroom. On reflection, we recognise that terms such as safe word and evacuation can raise anxiety and concern.

We agree that children should not have to leave their own classroom in order to feel safe. However, there are times, though not daily, when moving the class is the safest option for all children. This has happened a few times, and only when absolutely necessary. We fully accept having to go to such measures is a worry, but it is a system that schools are having to turn to more and more. I appreciate this provides little comfort, but hopefully helps you hear that supporting emotional regulation has become a real focus and factor for schools nationally.

The children themselves were involved in choosing the word, and the purpose was to minimise panic and keep the situation calm if it needed to be used. Our aim is always for every child to feel safe, happy, and able to learn in their classroom, as is their right. We are putting a range of steps and strategies in place to work towards this, and we do not intend this approach to become the “go‑to.”

We also want to reassure you that we are supporting children to understand that behaviour is a communication of feelings, but the way those feelings are shown must still be safe and appropriate. We do not condone unsafe behaviour, and we share parents’ concerns about children seeing this as “normal.” I have spoken with the class to reiterate that message and reminded them that they should always talk to a trusted adult if they feel unsure or worried. In school, children choose five trusted adults; it may be helpful to have a similar conversation at home about who your child feels they can talk to at school.

We are very aware that things are challenging at the moment. We do not want this to continue, and we are actively putting support in place to help all children feel safe and settled in their learning environment.

Thank you for reading, please keep speaking to us about your concerns.

I meant remove from the school altogether. The other children also have a right to education and a right to safety, this should trump the right to education of the violent child.

As a parent it is absolutely terrifying to read some of the comments on here. There are genuinely people here that think it's acceptable for children to be put in danger, experiencing violence from their peers? How have we got to a stage where that's ok, where we're relieving then of any social responsibility? I'm sorry if this isn't a popular opinion, but I don't care WHY another child night be behaving this way. It does not make it OK for other children and adults to be put in danger. It should happen no more than once- then they go elsewhere. The government is forcing innocent children to pay the price for these violent kids who will likely only ever grow up to be dangerous, criminal adults.

If they can’t be controlled then they shouldn’t be at school putting other children at risk.

It's not easy to manage a 4 year old who us fighting, spitting and throwing things without hurting yourself or them either. Just because they're smaller doesn't make it easy.

But these children are often innocent too.
its not their fault.
And they will definitely end up as you say if no one helps them.
i just don’t think a busy mainstream classroom with minimal support is the right place!

exactly. my partner is from a nordic country - where they are big on having an equal society. he was bullied for years by aggressive send or no send - who knows now. they all ended up either in jail or committed suicide. so whatever mainstream school did, was not ‘educate’ them - ceirtanly not those who ended up in jail

You can't physically manhandle infants just because they are smaller. I've done 'restraint training' , there is basically nothing you can do.

The term infants is used in England. There are still some infant schools in some areas of England.

Children are equal in their right to an education. Expelling is very rare.

In my DS class there was a group of 3 boys enacting Tik-Tok challenge videos on themselves and on their classmates during the class. Chairs were flying regularly. Once a boy passed out while he was checking how long he could hold his breath. The other day these boys started to strangle the other classmates during the lesson and the whole class ran out of the classroom into the field.
I know all this only from my DS - the school has never ever told us anything.
This was Year 4. DS didn't learn anything for 4 years he's been there. Thankfully, he is academic, so we got him the books and once he got home, we simply taught him everything he needed to know at home. We can't afford private, unfortunately.
Someone above pointed out that it's often difficult to distinguish between normal childhood development and a disorder when a child is 4-5. I have to agree with this. In England children are required to be able to self-regulate when they are barely 5 (end of Reception). It is a lot to expect of a child that young, but English Early Years education has become increasingly formal - playtime is often ditched in Y1 and kids are expected to sit at their desks and write stories. It is no wonder some will have meltdowns - it's just not an age-appropriate expectation and scientists agree with this. I just has the realisation that in my home country my younger child (who is in Y1 and almost 6) would still be in a nursery playing Lego and learning about shapes. So a lot of problems would simply disappear if we moved the obligatory school age by 1-2 years, just like in most of countries in the world where children start school when they are 6-7.

Then what do you do with those kids ? Do you realise how ableist you come across ? My oldest is autistic and thankfully never violent but I knew many who where . What do you think we should do with the kids ? If there are no schools , no real financial support for parents to stay home , the humans rights of the child are they also deserve a education .
Plus please remeber not all kids are born disabled , my son went to school of it ha 11 year old boy that had a bike accident and had brain damage , he had all sorts of issues including violence from frustration, so maybe remeber even your kids might be in this position one day .

But in effect you are putting the rights of the one/few to be in school causing chaos over the rights of the many to learn.

I think this is just an abeist thread in disguise to be honest.

While I take your point that none of us want our child subjected to violence, I am curious as to what the solution is.

I have 2 children, my oldest who i would hate the thought of being on the receiving end of this behaviour as he would struggle to defend himself and be scared and my youngest who is 6 and autistic. I am called every single week about my youngests violent behaviour in school. I have asked the school how we can keep him and the other children safe. Nothing works consistently as he needs 1:1 at all times to avoid this. He currently does not have an ehcp as the school are adamant they are managing, likely at the expense of other children. And before you come for me and tell me that he just needs discipline/boundaries etc. He has these but unfortunately they do not work!

I am a social worker in front line child protection, if he stays at home I cannot work.

I and many other parents of violent children are equally frustrated but there is nowhere for our children to go. I dont think that it is ok but I dont know what the solution is. He can't cope in mainstream, he needs a very small class but he has no learning disability so isn't considered for special school.

i admire you dealing with this situation I absolutely don’t have hate for any of these kids just concern for mine and how this is going to continue on. Can I ask and again this isn’t a dig just something I’ve seen being banded about ironically on social media, have you ever attempted the screen detox?

What a weird question.

In case you aren’t aware, you can request an EHCNA yourself even if the school are saying it isn’t necessary. With an EHCP, you may have to appeal, but you can get SS placements for DC without an LD. Or there is EOTAS/EOTIS if it is inappropriate for provision to be made in a school. Not that these are a solution in the here and now!

Why? I’m looking for reasons why this difficult behaviour has become so widespread. Lots of studies say screens have a negative impact but is that really just a cop out and actually they don’t make a difference.

You are posting this on multiple platforms and getting the same replies...

Almost sounds like you are putting blame on the poster for the behaviour. Screens actually can act as self regulation for autistic children.

I’d move my child if they were having to witness and deal with that in infant school. My own SEND child was assaulted by another violent SEND child and I told the school I’d call the police if it happened again. It took a lot of complaints from parents for the child to move to a better suited school. It ramped up in years 4 and 5, there’s no way I’d have tolerated that from infant age.

If you’re implying that there’s nothing to worry about with this situation then fine but it’s fair to look for other opinions and points of view, that’s how people learn. If everyone just accepted whatever without question they wouldn’t learn other points of view or ever change their opinions.

There are a whole bunch of reasons why this behaviour has increased and why we're seeing it more.

We have older parents than we used to which increases the rates of children with conditions like Autism. We're also saving far more significantly premature babies who are far more likely to have behavioural issues.

Screen time and/or poor parenting may have an impact too, along with poor nutrition and a bunch of other environmental factors.

But we see it more mainly because schools are, basically, not allowed to get rid of the "difficult" children and we've got rid of the institutions they used to be shut away in.

No-one is implying or stating that there is nothing to worry about. People are not fools. Most on here (and perhaps the other channels I now learn you are posting on) manage to hold three things in their mind simultaneously: the interests of their own child, the challenges presented by some SEND children attending a mainstream school, and the constraints inherent in the current, cash-strapped system.

The role of parents is to take an objective view of what is happening in their child's school, and intervene proportionately when necessary. Rewinding to your original, imprecise question, and leaving aside the poor drafting of the email from your DC's school, it is clear that the school is putting in place systems to manage risk in a way that is appropriate for the children in its care and which show that the school wants to work in partnership with parents. What is missing is clear information about the frequency with which the evacuation process might be used. You may have this. If not, it's a reasonable question to ask.

I would have preferred my DD not to have come home in Y5, 14 years ago, recounting that her class had been held in the classroom because one of their classmates had gone on the rampage with a pair of scissors and had had to be removed. From the way she talked about it, it was clear that she was not scared, and that the school had a process which worked.

Typo

A non verbal kid is forced into mainstream by the local authority against the parents wishes. Nothing is put in place to deal with their communication needs, they become frustrated due to having no idea what is going on around them and being unable to communicate. How do you suggest they are punished? This happens all the time. The system is at fault for much of this problem. It's not always the parents who are at fault. Challenging behaviour is due to unmet needs. Meet those needs and there isnt going to be this problem.