Emotional numbness at 45: perimenopause,or something else?

[Starmarshmallow123]

Please help - i am 45 and I have emotional numbness that has been building for years
I feel flat a lot of the time, which to be honest has benefitted me in so many ways. I used to be a really anxious driver and now can do motorways etc with no worries. I don't sweat the small stuff (or much at all really) and watch other people suffering over things and can't help but feel glad I don't have the same worries.
The other side of course is that I haven't felt that kid at christmas feeling in years. We plan nice things, holidays etc and I enjoy relaxing or seeing new things but there is no depth of emotion. I do my job ok, sort the kids needs etc but am less caring - they need me less as older - but I don't feel besotted like I used to. I love them of course, but I am more selfish. I get everything done and get in bed with netflix and I don't waste time worrying about much.
I know it frustrates my husband. When the kids were little he worked away and didn't show much emotion. Now, when I don't have a lot to give he is overflowing with it. My libido is definitely affected.
5 years ago I was diagnosed with low iron from terrible periods, I went on iron and hrt and felt a lot better and I now have mirena in too. A month ago I forgot my hrt on holiday and it didn't make much difference so I decided just to stay off it and see if this numbness is actually maybe caused by hrt I don't need? In the last month not a lot has changed.
I have this sadness sometimes that maybe I won't experience true joy again. I also feel sometimes I can sense there is a deep well of emotion hidden under this fog and it is a lid I can't lift (and would I want to??)
I think for quality of life i need to feel things a bit more to get the good out of life, to be a better mum and wife. But I wouldn't know how to change it. I have questioned if I am depressed - but I dont think so. I have had a few difficult things happen in my life that are painful to reflect on and it feels good that I can't very well when feeling like this
But it is just normal.life stuff really that have happened, tough marriage when the kids were smaller at times, parts of my childhood were tricky, but nothing that many people don't go through.
Is this a perimenopause thing? Is it a mental health thing? And is there anything I can do about it

Sounds like anhedonia. An inability or reduced ability to take pleasure in things, particularly ordinary everyday things you used to take pleasure in. Can definitely be part of peri and HRT alone may not fix it. Lots of women in peri are prescribed low doses of antidepressants for this reason.

Hi Kindess, What you say resonates massively with me. I do feel it is part of peri/menopause. I've been on HRT for a while and I'm definitely staying on it but every now and then I'm wondering if I should perhaps try a low level anti-depressant to lift my mood (not least for my family's sake to have a happier person in the house). I'm not depressed but I do think this is definitely hormone related and have been on anti-depressants in the past. I had awful side-effects which is why I've hesitated to go back on them. Do you feel small bits of joy anywhere in your life? Or can you think about what gives you the 'most' or 'closest' thing to joy in your life right now. Do you do anything in your life just for you? What would your ideal day look like? I realise I've become a bit more selfish in recent years and SO much better at prioritising my needs where I can and I'm getting more unapologetic about it. I crave alone time and silence with no questions (my kids are 8 and 12) so I seek this in places where I'm almost taken out of the real world (solo cinema trips, days out where I don't have to manage the logistics of others and small people!). Writing this reply has made me realise that I have felt some joy this past 6 months and that has been a bit of a revelation to be honest. But I wanted to say that I hear you on the feeling flat and joyless as I have expressed this to friends previously.

sorry that should be addressed to you @Starmarshmallow123 and not myself!!