Friendship issues? Anyone else?

[Notsureaboutthatreallyy]

I am wondering if it’s me, them or a bit of both…

All around trips away.

One was quite grumpy when we were away (maybe I was too), another one will not talk about flights to London on a group trip as she wants to think about areas (in the end me and the other woman booked our flights before the cost went up and now she says she’ll get a different flight …really just to push back imo 😬) Another one had said she wanted to come on a climbing trip but needed to check pet sitting - that was a month ago and she hasn’t replied to my two chasers - I’m annoyed and worried - there are two other people I might ask so don’t want up leave it late.

Sad that I feel these friendships are falling away. I am definitely less tolerant so I’m wondering if it’s me. But I really try hard with it. We’re all early to mid 50s.

A lot of people are close friends but don't go on trips away together so I wouldn't take that as a measure of friendship. Do you see each other for coffees, nights out etc? Or do you all live far from each other?

Yes I see the first two for other stuff. The third one not so much but we might occasionally meet for a run/coffee. I’ve known the middle one for 20 years, old friend. And the third one for 30 years. First one is new friend of around 3 years. The first and third —we have a hobby in common. The middle one is a friend from baby days.

I can"t do trips away with many of my friends as they have all become scared of something in their 50s. Flying, trains, dogs...etc.They used to be fearless women.
One of my friends has begun snapping at me for no reason. Though she's well past menopause. Might have to drop her.

Is it usual for women in their 50s to do holidays away?
Are you all single?
Only asking as I don't know any who do as they are all married.
Not saying you're in the wrong, but people's lives get busy at 50+- kids, older parents, grandchildren, work!

I have been married 30 years and doing solo holidays for 30 years. He is not my jailer.

Definitely usual! More so now the kids are older. I did hardly any in my 30s when I had babies and toddlers. We have shared hobbies that we go away for - mountain climbing. I do weekends away, city breaks etc..with other friends. Often it’s the only time I see some friends who live far away.

I continued doing them when I had babies. We took turns.

I don’t think any of my friends wanted to go away at that point. I wasn’t really in the headspace for it either. I had a very full on job at that time. My 4 were very close in age too. Making up for it since they hit teens 💃🏻

I went alone!
Sorry have derailed this thread.

I went alone!
Sorry have derailed this thread.

🤣 sounds bliss!

That's different though. The OP asked about friends of 50+ who weren't so keen now.
It wasn't about being 'allowed' by a spouse.

I really get it OP. It is the flip side of everyone being at that point which you often see on here of people saying things like ‘I just stopped giving a fuck and did what I wanted / said what I thought!’ This is all well and good and I am genuinely pleased for people but when you combine it with natural anxieties, pressures, complexities of late forties and fifties life, it definitely can make group socialising less amenable. Like, a bit of manners and give and take goes a long way amongst friends.

I am sociable and love people, and love my friends, but there is a lot of tiptoeing about at the moment and one person’s ’forthright saying it like it is’ is just sometimes someone being incredibly and unnecessarily really rude making me avoid them like the plague.

There are people I genuinely think about organising to go away with but then I think of various parties going ‘NO that is a BAD IDEA to do it like that.’ and ‘WELL, that just doesn’t SUIT ME and I will SUIT MYSELF.’ then I just think ah fuck it it’s not worth it and like a PP go away on my own!

My mum has had a cracking social life in her sixties and seventies though, so there is hope!

I find we all have different budgets as well because the CoL is hitting different people differently.

Another example: I used to go to the theatre with a friend in the cheap high seats, but she has suddenly become scared of heights in menopause, and now wants to pay £90 per seat. It's all too complicated to sort and go back and forth, so I just go alone.

Thanks for your kind response. I appreciate it. I’ve been upset and second guessing myself. I think you’re totally right about the stages we’re all at. Hopefully it will all work out and good friends will stay the course.

Funnily enough, one of them has just come back to say yes she wants to do the trip and sorry about not replying. So I feel quite a bit better.

I can definitely relate- menopause has made me so less tolerant! I’m much happier in my own company and I have got better at boundaries.

In fairness I think I projected my own current issues on to you there! Mine are less about weekends away and more about some of the smaller events - I am often the organiser and I just can’t be arsed any more, there are a few threads at the moment on the same subject!

@CharlotteRumpling makes a good point about cost too.

Basically, I love the ‘best of’ female group socialising- when people love AND like each other and have that bond where you can relax and laugh and share and relate and have FUN while also being there for each other during the hard times, but it seems to be short on the ground for me right now, and I’m not quite sure whether that’s natural time of life, current global/economic environment making everyone a bit stressed, or what.

This. Since hitting my fifties I don’t people please anymore and if it doesn’t suit me I can’t be bothered. It means my friendship circle is tiny but that’s fine with me.

You sound like a superwoman to me : 4 kids, mountain climbing hobby and a full time job (?) .
Im the same age but look very bleak and weak in comparison. For a start Im barely coping with one child - older teen who has disability, and no hobbies even remotely.
My point is that I have a couple of friends more like you and tbh I don’t feel ok explaining them that this or that is a problem for me because they are coping so well with everything in life. So I wonder if your friends might be in my situation a bit . Just a thought.

SN is a totally different kettle of fish. I should hope most people realise that.
You are not bleak or weak!

That’s such an interesting insight- thank you. I’m not f/t any more. And my kids are age 19 plus. But food for thought. I would just hope my friends could communicate their feelings with me. To be fair two of them also do the mountaineering and I’m usually at the back behind them! I only really got my mojo back after I gave up drinking, went p/t and my kids grew up. You are not weak at all - a child with a disability must be draining. 🌺