Menopause, work, confidence - help

[JeannieJo]

Hi, feeling at an all time low and looking for advice, support, suggestions, anything that might help.

I’m perimenopausal and will start by saying HRT is not an option for me. I’ve had a phenomenal amount of stuff to deal with in my personal life over a period of time and I’m absolutely worn out but trying to find joy in life again and do things for myself.

My confidence at work is at an all time low, my memory is terrible and my concentration span is an issue. It doesn’t help that my boss is (I think) becoming very dismissive of me - I’ve had to share some of the challenges. My boss is superficially everyone’s friend but I generally wouldn’t trust them behind my back. I also have a new, superhuman colleague who of course excels at everything who also seems to be overstepping into my area with no need to be doing this. So my confidence is in tatters. I can’t help but feel useless at everything and that I’m doing a rotten job.

I can’t really change jobs (no alternatives / money situation).

Has anyone managed to work themselves back from feeling like this and how you did it without just throwing in the towel and leaving work? How to improve and build confidence again, how to stop feeling beaten down by all this. Any suggestions at all appreciated.

Thanks

I'm sorry you are feeling like this.

When you say HRT is not possible, is that because of a previous or existing medical condition and confirmed by a consultant?

If so, you might want to consider finding a menopause specialist (privately if that's an option) to help you with other options. Or talk to your GP.

The British Menopause Society has a guide (online) for doctors on alternatives to HRT and your GP can access that ( as can you.)

It includes other medications that can help when HRT isn't possible.

If you're suffering not so much with things like flushes and sweats and it's more psychological, it might also be worth thinking about counselling or CBT to help build your confidence. CBT is actually recommended in the NICE guidance.

Does that sound like something to follow up?

Thanks for your reply, really appreciate it- definitely no HRT - both due to medical condition and confirmed by consultant and specialist.

I’m having all the symptoms but the anxiety, self doubt, confidence crisis, overthinking, feeling worthless is the worst. I hadn’t thought of CBT, how do you access this? Thanks

I appreciate you may not want to share, but do existing health issues mean you can't use any other drugs either? No need to explain if you'd rather not.

The absolute no-nos for HRT are recent breast cancer, a blood clot or heart disease. And sometimes, active liver disease or some forms of epilepsy. Migraine is ok- Migraine Trust has info on this.
Most other conditions aren't an issue and some consultants aren't up to date.

Many women come here and say they can't have HRT when it's been incorrect advice, that's the only reason for saying this.

CBT- it is available on the NHS via a GP, but I have no idea of waiting lists.
You can access it yourself privately - google CBT practitioners - but do check out their qualifications because training and experience varies.
There are is also free, online CBT where you work on yourself.

definitely no HRT - both due to medical condition and confirmed by consultant and specialist.

@JeannieJo So your GP has already referred you to a gynaecologist who is experienced in HRT/menopause? How long ago was that?

I remember your earlier posts and you said something like you were hoping for HRT.

The thing is, if you've been referred to a specialist and they have said no to HRT, they ought to be providing alternatives if they are aware of how much you're suffering. They can't just send you away with 'no hrt' as the answer.

It's hard to offer more help without knowing why you can't have HRT (and what would help instead.) For some previous or current health issues, some of the herbal treatments that may work are not suitable either.