Peri-menopause....Losing my mind! HELP!!!

[PanthergirlJo]

Hi all!

I REALLY need some support/advice. I am a 44 year old mum of 13 year old twin girls and I think I am currently navigating the joys of peri-menopause. I have seen a Dr and they've done blood tests etc and said they can't say if I'm in it or not, but I have sooo many symptoms I must be. Massive change in periods (loads heavier but shorter), sweats, but not a massive issue with that one, feel like I've lost a huge piece of myself. Constant mood swings bigger that anything I've ever experienced in my life, sudden urges to want to just sit and cry all day, brain fog where I'm missing simple things at work and getting stuff wrong I would never normally do! The biggest thing for me though.....sudden uncontrollable rage, like something the incredible hulk would run from! Then throwing things around the kitchen, losing my shit and screaming at everyone, then going and crying with guilt for the next hour! I feel so lost and alone. My husband is actually really good and just gives me hugs etc to try and help. If I say I need to time to myself he's like "yep, go for it." I've explained to my girls about it, saying it's like the puberty they've been through/going through, it's just at the other end of it. They do give me hugs and reassure me that it's "not the real me." Even with all of that, I still feel like I'm losing my mind and that I want to just run away! Someone help me!!!!!!

Hello! Sounds a bit like me over the last year or two. Have had personal stresses too so put much of it down to that but I’m now convinced peri menopause has played a part. The issue with blood tests are that your hormones will fluctuate throughout the month so it’s all very inconclusive.

I have a few friends slightly older than me who have been extremely helpful in sharing their experiences of perimenopause so I have an idea what to expect. I recognised the symptoms (anger, low mood, brain fog) and went to see my GP last May, when I was 44. They agreed a HRT trial (patches) and we’ve been fiddling about with the dosage / medium a bit (patches or gel) but I think it’s been great. Long story short, for me, it’s been helpful with brain fog and most importantly, the rage! Definitely see your GP.

Also worth mentioning that if you do proceed you can get a HRT specific pre payment certificate which is £19.80 for the YEAR. Awesome

HRT, before that I was so rage filled I was scaring myself. Don’t take no for an answer.

Hi. I hear you and have been through the same at 45. My doctor was really helpful and said blood tests weren’t reliable, my age and symptoms were enough and he prescribed me HRT.
I feel so much better. It took 3 months to level out and get used to the patches and I did have a few wobbles along the way but they have made a tremendous difference.

You must ask for HRT. Do on on line symptom checker, take it with you and insist. Don't let them fob you off with anti depressants.

I wasted 6 years of life barely living because I didn't ask for HRT and I regret it hugely.

Dr’s are meant to go in symptoms not blood results!!!

HRT saved my life, in supposedly "premature" peri before 40.

I really had to stand my ground and insist they treated the (many, varied, awful and blindingly obvious) symptoms...and not piss about wasting time with inconclusive blood tests or trying to fob me off with antidepressants I do not remotely need.

I am genuinely transformed. Wish I'd done it sooner, which is a depressingly common thing I hear from other women in similar straits. Go for it, be insistent, channel that rage to improve your situation. Don't let them fob you off!! HRT reduces risk of dementia, osteoporosis, all sorts.

I have chosen not to go on HRT due to increased cancer risk, but definitely also peri (45) and it can be awful at times. For me my biggest symptom so far is anxiety; I've been a sufferer for years but would say at times it is definitely worse than normal. Weirdly it rears its ugly head most when I am driving - no idea why?!!!
I really hope things improve for you 💐

Properly winds me up when they insist on blood tests. Tells you fuck all.

OP make an appointment with the nurse at your GP. Tell her that your symptoms are driving you batshit and ask for HRT. Don't be fobbed off. You need some estrogen in your life.

You know that research is over 30 years old and based on old style HRT don't you?.

Newer research says different re breast cancer and is going to take ages to trickle down sadly.

Sorry to jump
on this, but i’ve just started evorel
patch myself and about to start the utrogesten part of the cycle. Did you have any negative side affects? Read so
many bad stories on here i’m worried how this will pan out!

This was why I didn't take HRT when I desperately needed it. Please watch Davina McCall's documentary on All4 and do some research of your own because the breast cancer risk is not what you have heard. It has been debunked.

@Bulbsbulbsbulbs My SIL was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years' back, at the age of 50. She was told immediately to stop taking HRT. My mum also had cancer of the womb in her early 60s and this was worsened by artifical increase of estrogen so this adds to my concerns.

No side effects at all thankfully. I actually sleep better at night during the progesterone phase of the cycle. If you have the tablets for the progesterone make sure you take them in the evening / before bed for this reason - it can make you a bit drowsy apparently.

This was me....I'm not a hot flush menopausal woman, I'm a murdering and divorcing menopausal woman! I had been to see my GP once and mentioned some mild symptoms including brain fog which meant I didn't see red traffic lights a number of times. When the rage symptoms ramped up I just went back and said I can't wait. I felt like a right fruity loop. Thankfully she put me on HRT...gel and tablets. Gynae Dr says this is the gold standard treatment.
Honestly....go back and ask to start on it. It's been amazing for me.

My mum had breast cancer, twice, in her early 50s. Never used HRT or the pill, drank or smoked.
If you have breast cancer the oestrogen could cause it to grow more rapidly, but not cause it to begin with. Otherwise, logically, the rates of breast cancer in woman over the age of 50 would have dramatically decreased in the years after that Women's Health study and they were either refused HRT or refused to take it themselves

I’m 44 and this was exactly how I was feeling before I started on the estrogen patch/ progesterone tablets. I now feel like I did in my early/ mid 30s, in terms of mood stability, sleep, motivation in the gym etc
My surgery has a doctor who runs monthly peri/ menopause clinics though so I was really lucky that I had access to a specialised and knowledgable GP through the NHS/

Oh this is such a shame because you are making a decision based on outdated (and some debunked) information and clinical studies! Of course it is your choice, but I would say you should speak to your doctor.

You need to look at the data. This is presented in the documentary.

You need to weigh up the actual risk with the benefits. The actual risk is much lower than the perception that I had. Obviously if the benefits aren't worth the risk to you then that's part of an informed choice.

For me, I didn't understand the risks and I didn't take HRT which was a huge mistake. My symptoms were severe and massively impacted my quality of life.

Do go on HRT. It changed my life and I was a skeptic and suffered for years. I am 59 and have been on HRT for 3 years now, but started having peri menopause symptoms when I was around 48. I was aware I was peri menopausal but thought I could get through it myself and that it would eventually pass.

I have spoken to women who have been told by their GPs that they are not peri menopausal, that they are depressed and all other manner of things. For some women being prescribed HRT is difficult.

My original dose has some effect but still had symptoms and was not feeling myself, so I contacted a reputable online menopause clinic, had a zoom consultation and had my dose changed.

I honestly now feel wonderful, like my old self.

You don’t have to go through this!

It is terribly difficult at times, and how right you are about how lonely the process is. "Who the hell am I, what have I become' plays large for most women in some way or other.

So, you may be lonely in it, but you are not alone in it.

You can also expect: anxiety in thoughts and ofter a racing heart; interrupted sleep patterns with early waking around 3/4/5 in the morning, often with a racing heart; heat disruption; constant worry about almost everything; an apparent loss of memory; redistribution of fat; strange pains in arms and feet, skin dryness.

I say all of this not to frighten you, but in the belief that if you know some of what is to come, you know where to place it. Waking in the am knowing that it part of a process is different to waking in the am wondering what the hell is going on are two different experiences.

These feelings can also be put to very good use however. I did some things in peri that I was otherwise not good at, and am grateful for it now! (see? light at the end...)

• worry and panic over money - have a look at immediate, medium and longer term finances.
• worry and panic over what will happen to the children of we die - do a Will.
• worry over retirement - recalibrate spending
• worry over health - get on lists and do some checks

And so on.

Your bloods will not show any thing conclusive. The process is too subtle for our technology to pick up on. Your doctor should go by symptoms in this case.

HRT it will not stop the process, but it will help with quality of life as you go through it. That is very important for you, your dh and your girls.

Unlike most, I think we should come off it at a certain point too, but that is a later discussion.

Welcome to the club OP. Once your body has done what it needs to do there is an amazing after life. I am part of a group of incredible women who made friends in our 50s, have an absolute blast, and we would not trade our current feelings of freedom for all the estrogen in the world. The in light at the end of this (long!) tunnel!

Sorry! Very long.