Sudden change in feelings for husband normal??

[lauriedorie]

I feel like Im going a bit mad. Im 46 and have had a few peri symptoms over the last 18 months or so but nothing drastic. My husband has been away for the last couple of weeks (fairly normal for us with work) but while he was away I feel like my feelings for him have suddenly changed and I now have no idea how I feel. Weve been married for 18 years and have had our ups and downs, but the last few years we've been really strong and things have been good. His work has been stressful for the last year and he definitely has been more grumpy and can be a bit snappy but nothing more than anyone would be, just regular life stuff. I cant figure out why Ive suddenly started feeling this way, whether its peri symptoms or if there's more to it than that. Theres a little voice in my head picking out all the problems weve ever had and telling me Ive never been properly happy even though I cant imagine life without him. Im normally pretty stable emotionally but I just feel totally lost suddenly, crying lots and almost panicky and just overwhelmed. Feel like I cant even handle little things like emails from school which isnt like me at all. I cant figure out if its because Im having some kind of revelation about my marriage or if it might be peri symptoms (honestly really really hoping this is the case!) I work from home but work has been really quiet while DH has been away and I've been home alone a lot so lots of time for overthinking which maybe hasn't helped. I live abroad and women's health is even less understood here than in the UK so I haven't had any kind of test for perimeno at all.
Does any of this sound familiar to anyone??

Yes 100% I’m 48 and seem to have come out the other side (mostly) if the random rage and hatred towards my dp who was totally undeserving of it!

when I could I was honest in acknowledging it & talking it through which helped. Wasn’t always possible tho!!!!

eas definitely peri-m for me & still in the thick of it but was relieved when the irrational hatred & anger went. For a while also just felt very flat & ambiguous to most things.

did start hrt patches which did help but had to stop for other medical reasons. managing ok on sertraline now and life is mostly ok, excercise (I FP Lucy Wyndham-reed) really helps.

you’re not alone!!

he definitely has been more grumpy and can be a bit snappy but nothing more than anyone would be, just regular life stuff.

I cant figure out why Ive suddenly started feeling this way

well given he’s become MORE grumpy…. That probably has something to do with it

OP I think this is very common, and I often feel this way myself. I can understand why so many marriages end during the 40s/perimenopause years. Every so often, as my hormones go up and down, I dream of living alone, and all the changes I would make if DH was no longer in the picture. I almost convince myself that I'm doomed to live in a miserable marriage - until the hormones settle down again and I realise that actually it's all fine.

When oestrogen decreases or fluctuates it's normal to feel irritated or disconnected from partners and other loved ones - and I think men in midlife can struggle too, with work stress and family changes and so on. It's a really shitty time IMHO! But it can help to communicate more and try to (tactfully!) share how you're feeling and share the burden. It sounds like you're feeling emotional/anxious too and that was a flag for me in terms of perimenopause - getting overwhelmed by things which wouldn't normally bother me. It's probably all connected.

Not sure how you'd go about it where you are, but consider HRT, it might help to restore the balance a bit. You shouldn't need a test as these are very unreliable - symptoms should be enough. I started HRT at 46 but that was with a sympathetic GP in the UK.

In short, you're not alone!

Thanks so much for your replies, its so reassuring to hear that its not just me (or him! 😄) I think its been the suddenness which has caught me out. I had some physical symptoms last year but they've settled right down so suddenly feeling this way emotionally has really thrown me. My DH is being really supportive, Ive spoken to him today about feeling a bit wonky, without going into too much of the way its affecting how I feel about him, and hes been really understanding which is helping massively. I think just knowing its possibly all peri linked has calmed me and helped me see through the fog so thank you!

Is it perimenopause or the fact that there is an accumulation of annoyances? 18 years is a long time! Everyone blames it on perimenopause but Im not so sure . Im in the same boat and my friends or kids dont irritate me!

I felt exactly the same, worse in the week before my period I would be on the verge of ending the relationship amd flouncing off)... it has settled now. He still irritates me but the absolute rage I felt seems to have gone now!

When someone is depressed they find themselves dwelling on negative things even from long ago and find it hard to counterbalance that with the positives.

Hi, OP, I was like this two years ago, it was depression, apparently it can be quite common, you can become desensitized / numb to everything.
I went onto fluoxetine and my feelings eventually returned.
They were always there, just hidden.