Perimenopause - increased dread and fear

[DiscoHippo]

Hi,

I'm 46 and very much in peri. I've noticed how I've started to feel more fear, dread and panic in situations which used to feel adventurous / fun to me. Everything from having an MRI (had to really fight hard to quash panic for a recent shoulder one, despite having had multiple MRIs in the past and finding them a breeze), to a short flight (again, a greater sense of mortality, panic, vigilance...) - life just seems more frightening. I think there's also a pinch of mid-life ageing pricking at my mind; I have an ageing mum and an ageing dog, so am thinking about death most days.

Does anyone else recognise these symptoms? And if so, any tips would be appreciated.

Thanks

Yes 100% existential dread, thinking every tree will fall on my head on a drive. Less resilient to things. I think it’s due to the way swinging or declining hormones affects adrenaline and neurotransmitters? I’ll have to look up what I saved about it as I am not very articulate at the moment!

Yes, I have feelings like that although they are not really based on anything, more like just the physical feeling. I often wake up feeling anxious even though there's nothing to feel especially anxious about.
I do think about death a lot, but I think that's because everyone is older now, though no one is unwell or even frail.

Yes, this happened to me.
I had a horrible 2 years in early peri, most of my month was PMS. I started HRT at 48 and really feel the difference now. Everything settled and I’m good now. Friends that didn’t take HRT are now really struggling with anxiety, frozen shoulder, plantar fasciitis, vertigo and a host of other symptoms.

I’m glad I stuck with it, hope you can get some relief soon.

I found that reminding myself that I felt anxious because of my brain chemistry, not because there was anything in particular to be more anxious helped. In fact, I used to repeat to myself, 'I'm anxious because I feel anxious,' helped enormously.

It's rotten, but it's physical and a part of a set of physical symptoms.

You've got this!

This is so helpful, thank you

Yes. Its really horrible, but I know now that going for a run gets rid of it and makes it less likely to happen again. That makes it easier to cope with as I know I can do something about it.

Yes, the sudden onset of high levels of anxiety out of nowhere. Or high levels of fear and dread when previously wouldn't have registered much at all. Urgh, it upset me.

I started HRT at 43 and it has made a big difference. I am 18 months along and while the anxiety, when I feel it, is at a higher level than before perimenopause, it is nowhere near where I was just before starting HRT.

I rationalise it in my brain as though someone else's anxiety/dread/fear has been routed to me by accident. So I deep breath, I talk myself down and remind myself it is "just" the hormones making the feelings feel BIG and not me actually feeling that scared or worried.

Annoys me. I felt like I was turning into a scared little mouse woman. Terrified of something, anything happening. But HRT helped get a handle on it enough that I could rationalise it. Being kinder to myself helps a bit too, as in not berating myself for being a terrified little mouse woman, and instead telling myself I am resilient and can deep breath away the panic (that does help).

Sucks though. Properly sucks.

I had this too, still do to a certain extent. Just a low level feeling of impending doom.

HRT wasn't for me long term, I did do it for a while but the changes in my breasts just didn't seem right (my view only - may be right for others).

Anyway, I think lifestyle is the only real way to tackle this properly - clean food, exercise, light, sleep and supplements for anything you are missing (Vit D and Magnesium are definites). I notice when I let things slip, have a few late nights, drinking, eat crap, it is back. So boring life is the best cure for me.

I am so pleased.

It worked well for me when I would wake up with a jump at about 3am feeling as terrified as if I was expecting the police to come with terrible news, or my brain would search my memory banks for something that reminded me of how awful I felt, in an effort to try to process it.

It does get better, but largely because you find that the emotions start in your brain (and you feel them physically) and affect your thoughts, rather than your thoughts causing you to feel a particular way, initially at least. Unfortunately, when you feel rotten it's a vicious circle.

I really hope you feel better soon. It worked for me x

Yes this really helps!! And I know it’s cheesy but I think of it like passing weather, suppose a variation of ‘this too shall pass’ because sometimes it feels so all consuming you need to remind yourself you will feel okay again.

Yes, scared of everything now. Walking after dark, accidentally under cooking food (thank God we are almost 100% veggie now), forgetting to do my universal credit properly and going to prison for fraud, every mole is cancer.
I swear I need diazepam in my tap water.

Honestly, it is so lousy. Your thinking part of the brain can't initially distinguish between what is a genuine concern and what is a pattern of menopausal anxiety. Bizarrely, I also found that early morning and already evening were my worst times for worrying, it was as though there was something in the passing and beginning of the day that filled me with dread that I would make a mistake, or racking my brain to think of anything I had done wrong. Then I would analyse it for hours, regardless of it being minor and use it as evidence that I was unpopular, etc.

I really do think it's to do with the brain's cortisol levels, in fact I'm 99% certain that's the case with the very early morning worrying, but your brain doesn't know that at first and it begins to spiral.

I recommend reminding yourself of this frequently. It saved me from being really unwell, quite a few times. Glad it seems to help a bit.

I was so bad with this over the years, I couldn’t even watch my children on the fair or playground. Driving anxiety. This summer had been just a more generalised sense of impending doom. Scared to look forward to anything in case somehow that jinxed it. Then I gave up gluten for a completely unrelated reason, and started taking iron for my hair loss, and somehow magically the big cloud of doom has sort of lifted. I still feel anxious, but I am able to rationally work through it, and don’t spiral into this big dark vortex. I genuinely believe these two things are linked and if you read up on both low iron and non coeliac gluten intolerance there is evidence for both having “doom” as a side effect. For me it was a real noticeable change and happened quickly, within a week of cutting gluten.

Ah, I can't take supplemental iron as I've got a genetic disorder called haemochromatosis which means my body absorbs too much iron; I've got to give a pint of blood for life, in order to keep my levels in check. I'm glad it's worked for you, thought

Yes, I’m 44 and completely the same. Big increase in intrusive, catastrophising thoughts like ‘what if me leaving 2 minutes early means we have a fatal car crash’ etc. I notice a big ramp up in the 5-7 days before my period is due.

Urgh me too. I work for myself in a professional role and the anxiety that I will mess up and get sued is awful. It’s always worried me to some extent but since being in peril it’s got so much worse.

Yes I recognise this. It’s impacted my ability to work and I don’t enjoy travel anymore. I worry about everything and feel worn out. I’ve actually just resigned from a senior role because of it.

HRT made a big difference. And now I’m mid 50s and can’t take HRT anymore (reasons) it seems to have passed somewhat. Not completely, I’ll sometimes catch myself and think, is that a reasonable fear? Or do I need to have a word with myself?

exercise helps, as does encouraging new situations, also I try and make myself secure and happy, remind myself I’m good at my job and have done a reasonable job of surviving life so far!