Mental & emotional issues, Perimenopause

[coralroses]

Changed my name as this is personal and distressing.

45 and mum of 2, married and suffering through peri.
As soon as I stopped breastfeeding my youngest 2 years ago, symptoms started in earnest. Looking back though, I can see some were there before that pregnancy.

After battling my (female) GP for months, I was finally prescribed evorel 50 May this year. I already had the Mirena coil and I added testogel (Superdrug) mid Sept to help with fatigue, zero sex drive etc (haven’t noticed marked improvement)

I also have adhd and take elvanse 50. A lesser dose didn’t touch the sides.
Even though this dose worked for a while, it gave me tremors. So I also take Guanfacine 1mg to help with that. But the tremors remain, it numbs me somewhat emotionally but I feel more stable with it for what it’s worth.

All of the above seemed to work a little bit, till it didn’t.

Finally got an appt after a referral to a menopause clinic 2 weeks ago, where they increased me to evorel 75 for 6 weeks.
If symptoms didn’t go away I was adviced to go up to 100.

So today I’m asking if anyone might be going thru something similar.
i have requested an urgent appt with the referral clinic after only 2 weeks on evorel 75 as I have been struggling mentally and emotionally.

I have, what it feels like, every symptom going.
Horrendous brain fog, I’m exhausted 24/7, confusion, terrible fitful sleep, night sweats, aches and pains, dry skin, dry eyes, and the list goes on but what is ultimately leaving me incapacitated is the mental and emotional aspects.

Btw had full bloods inc full thyroid panel, all good

I feel so confused, I don’t know where I am or what is happening. Literally feel like I’m walking thru fog and I cannot see landmarks or faces. I feel utterly hopeless about my future, constant negative brain chatter, anxiety is stopping me doing everyday things, including looking after my kids properly (my husband has to help me), executive function is simply non existent so I cannot do my side of household jobs etc

My husband and I have a great relationship luckily and have always done everything equally as much as possible. These days he’s had to take over the household, kids and work completely cos I am not coping.
There’s almost nothing that I do that we as a family can rely on anymore. I’m living day to day in regards to what I can cope with, and being self employed, this is having major financial implications.

I know hormonal fluctuations affect adhd and the specialist clinic are known for understanding this. I’ve asked for a new appt asap cos I cannot wait another 4 weeks on 75 before going up to 100

What upsets me is that I was once fun not too long ago, I had drive and passion for my job and marriage, I was a playful, involved, fun, caring mother, a good friend. And what I am today is such a contrast, now my kids don’t know who they are getting for a mum day to day. My husband has to look after me. I am unable to hold tears back, whether at work, family trips, I can tell it worries my oldest.

the mental impact of peri symptoms is something else, there’s been dark thoughts of what’s the point. No thoughts of doing something to myself I should emphasise but just wanting to disappear, to not feel like this anymore.

Ive worked so hard on my career to get to where I am and I love my husband and kids so so much and I'm so scared of losing it all cos i cannot function.

I am thankfully, as mentioned before, getting help with the specialist clinic but i feel so alone going through this in the meantime.
I read a lot of about physical symptoms, but would like know others’ experience and journeys with the mental aspects of peri.

In peri my only symptoms at first were what you describe, although later I discovered I did have physical symptoms ( gum disease, itchy ears, tingling hands and feet) that I didn't realise were related.

I'm so glad you are getting help I tried to get through with natural supplements. Big mistake.

When I finally went on HRT my symptoms didn't fully go until I was on 100 patch- the highest dose. Also testosterone has no hope of working until your oestrogen levels are optimised. They say it takes 3 months for the dose to kick in but I always felt a change almost immediately.

You have my sympathy and empathy because what you are going through is hell. So I would try to go up a dose sooner rather than later.

Eg on a 75 patch my clumsiness was off the scale- bashing my head every 5 minutes, feeling I was going to fall over all the time. On 100 it completely stopped with 2 weeks. Testosterone took a bit longer- maybe 3 months but I got my libido back.

Oh, I wasn’t aware that for testosterone to work your oestrogen has to be balanced! That’s good to know, but I’ll keep taking it to get used to the routine in the meantime. I just know not to expect results on that front for now.

Thank you for replying by the way most of my friends are a bit younger and haven’t started any symptoms. Putting what we’re going through in words is so hard, specially when the person you’re talking to hasn’t got lived in experience.

And when I try to describe what I’m going through it doesn’t come out right I can tell the person listening doesn’t get it and by their responses I can guess they don’t take it seriously or that I’m exaggerating. It really adds to the whole I think I’m going crazy thing

Yes, it's very difficult when people don't understand. I lost a very long standing friend over it.

Just go up to 100. I went up fast, I was on 100 within 4 months as I was practically dissolving from the night sweats.

And even then it took a few months for the worst of them to subside.

Did you have to ask your doctor before going up to 100 from your previous dosage?

I have a handful of old 50s that I could cut in half and wear alongside the 75 but my rule following brain feels I should wait to talk to the specialist.

will they just say go up anyway?

I didn’t have the additional complications of other meds etc., but with that big proviso … I could feel when HRT patches were working for me and knew when I needed to add more estrogen. I started on 50s and went to 75s then 100s within 6-9 months. When I switched to gel, I could tell 4 pumps was too much so dropped down to 3. So I feel able to listen to my body and adjust accordingly but it’s going to vary from person to person and depend on other conditions. In your shoes, I’d probably get estrogen sorted and add testosterone later once because otherwise how do you know what treatment is working for you, especially given the other moving parts.

@coralroses I just wanted to say that your post made me feel less alone. I’ve had an awful day, my relationship is really suffering due to what I think are peri and undiagnosed adhd issues which have come to a head since becoming a mum 4 years ago (I’m nearly 45).

I don’t have the main obvious symptoms, hot flushes or night sweats, but I’m really struggling with cognitive overload, everything feels grey and flat like I’m going through the motions, my sleep is really disrupted, waking at 3am with racing thoughts, I’m horrendously tired all the time, I have zero sex drive, in fact I don’t even really want to cuddle I feel so over stimulated all the time. I feel like I need a week in a sensory deprivation chamber or for time to stop still for a week. Itchy ears, creaking joints, I just feel so old.

And unfortunately my partner and I were only together a few years before having our son so we don’t have years and years of good times and practising problem solving and communication to fall back on.

I’ve been on two pumps of estrogel for 4 months plus cyclical progesterone. The latter really makes a difference with my sleep but there’s not been much of an impact on anything else. Also my bloods have been normal (although my cycles have definitely changed) so I’m not sure my GP really thinks it’s perimenopause.

Anyway. I’m with you. It’s awful. I feel really hopeless right now.

The only thing that gives me hope right now is that after an awful argument today we agreed that we’d pay for me to see a nearby private specialist in menopause and adhd. So fingers crossed.

@coralroses I hear you and sending you a hug. 💐It sounds like you are in a miserable situation but are doing all you can to find the solution.

I have had a hard 6 + months trying to work out why I'm struggling with my lifelong anxiety not responding to medication changes, new medications and the GP has just agreed to put me on HRT - as I'm 41 with, night sweats, brain fog, a fluctuating cycle, tinnitus and my normal anxiety feeling like it's on steroids!!

I am like you, I need the confirmation from a Dr before making changes to my medication - even though I have extra doses of antidepressants at home as I have been going up and down different doses🤦🏼‍♀️ Its so exhausting and demoralising!

I have not been able to work as it feels overwhelming. I can just about take care of my two young kids/ run the house..only with the support of my husband, parents and a couple of half days at nursery

I did a course of CBT and I found it very helpful with my mood and I have less negative days now. But it doesn't always work, some days I just accept are bad days!

I miss my work and feeling normal too. I come on here looking for similar posts - it helps to hear others experiences. You are not alone.