Body dysmorphia due to menopause?

[SENDMumma]

I'm 52, 8 years postmenopausal.
Been on HRT 8 years.

I absolutely hate how I look.
I do all the recommended things like exercise, size 10, eat well, drink loads of water, dont smoke, only occasionally drink a glass of wine, keep my hair done, nails etc.

But when I see pictures of myself I cringe at my face, shape etc.
To the point I avoid pictures at all costs.

I hate how I look. I went from being confident, strong and proud of what my body achieved to literally self hatred.

Anyone else relate?
Or is this just aging and disliking my change in appearance?
Will it pass?

Anyone?

i saw your message and half typed a response, but did not feel qualified to post it.
i m still in my 40s, and only can really see a main difference in hiw my face looks - my turmoil is mostly with the aches, pains, and little dysfunctions that cumulatively make life harder, chiefly, anxiety which i find crippling (better than it was now on HRT, but still bad).

do you socialise with people who, consciously or not, reinforce the way you feel?

@RelocatingtoFrance
Thanks for responding.
No not at all. My friends are all very easy going, bigger, curvy ladies.
I'm one of the oldest so I think they look great as they aren't aging unlike me.
I've never discussed this with anyone. They have no idea how I feel about myself.

My DC know I dislike my photo, I have very few photos of myself that I like.

You could seek some Cbt or even hypnotherapy, or a combo of the two.

I try and concentrate on health and exercise, it helps me to think I'm fittest I've probably ever been. It makes my physical appearance less important somehow.

Although perimenopause has changed something's that make me upset. Mainly my hair has thinned out and become like straw and no matter how much weight I lose my waist is still much larger then it used to be.

Body dysmorphia is similar to OCD.
When you say you avoid photos at all costs, yes this could be compulsive behaviour motivated by obsessive worry about how you look, but what it comes down to really is: how severe is the anxiety? Does it interfere with how you function/ live your daily life? Have you tried to stop thinking about it/ avoiding but been unable to? How much time/ energy goes into worrying about it/ planning how to manage the anxiety by avoiding the trigger (being photographed/ having to look at photos of yourself)?
Body dysmorphia is a specific disorder with clear symptoms and patterns of behaviour, not just anxiety about appearance/ distorted body image.
You will likely know which it is.
Either way therapy might help.
CBT/ exposure response prevention therapy is usually the go to for body dysmorphic disorder. People who suffer often need meds too.

I am not sure I would diagnose it as such but menopause has made me feel as uncertain as a teenager again when it comes to my appearance. I have never liked the way I look but I had grown to acceptance until menopause hit.

I'm not anxious about it.
I avoid all pictures. At my son's wedding, I was in 2.
Generally I avoid looking at myself or pictures.

I was out last night and avoided all the pics etc as I just hate them. I generally just avoid looking at myself as much as possible.

I only thought of body dysmorphia as I realised I hate my picture and appearance regardless of what I do to myself.

I have never thought of seeing or speaking to someone about it. I've been like this for about 6 or 7 years.

Well, I do this too, but I was diagnosed with body dysmorphia in my 20s.
It’s hard to say if it is that for you or not. A psychologist or psychiatrist diagnoses it using a questionnaire.
It doesn’t sound good for you to be that down on how you look anyway. It sounds like your self esteem is quite low.

This might sound flippant, but it's not meant to be - it's meant to be a thinking point.
Why would you want to look beautiful? How would it benefit you in your life? Who does it affect if you don't look like a model?

You'd probably think I look atrocious, but it would make zero difference to my life

Being blunt - have you changed a lot (your shape) or are you simply thinking you have?

It's not clear from your posts what you don't like about yourself.

what exactly are you seeing now that is so different from say 10 years ago? Is it lines (wrinkles), hair colour, your weight?

I think there are very few people who like how they look in photos so that's absolutely normal.

The thing is, a photo captures you for one second. They aren't necessarily how you look all of the time, when you're talking to someone.

I think of true body dysmorphia as being very different to that tbh. In my mid fifties and I’ve found it helpful to focus on strength, mobility and fitness rather than appearance. I want the next 30 years to be as good as they can be so wasting time worrying about how I look is not helpful. Take care of your skin and hair but acknowledge they’re not going to look like they did when you were 25 and nothing you can do will change that. Eat reasonably healthily, exercise and do things that make you happy. Be kind to yourself but don’t dwell on things you can’t change. I think we go through a confidence crisis in menopause similar to puberty.

Accepting the ageing process is challenging. We spend our 20s and 30s flapping ove the odd spot or tiny bit of cellulite then over 40 and beyond it's all systems go with skin and body changes, and it can be difficult.

All you can do is optimise your looks. Teeth lightening if they are stained, good moisturiser and maybe the odd tweak. Ensure lots of sleep and rest so we don't look drained.

I think many women struggle with their appearance as they get older so your feelings are valid and normal. Sounds a bit boring bit brisk walking is good for getting a glow and keeping the pounds off.

Oh god, it didn’t occur to me this might menopause related…I obsess over my weight and figure in a way I never used to, which is ironic considering I’m thinner than I was pre-kids.

Someone took some photos of me the other night when I didn’t know I was being photographed and I was horrified - I looked fat and squat (I’m 5’7, so not short) and my boobs looked so droopy! I was convinced I must have gained at least a stone so the next morning I got out my bathroom scales (which I had put away to stop obsessively weighing myself and was now regretting, because look what had happened , I was now a whale, because I’m so lazy and gluttonous) - and I’ve actually lost a couple of pounds. Couldn’t believe it - still a healthy weight. BMI of 22, so not as thin as I’d like to be , but not the whale I appeared to be in those pictures.

Of course it was a relief, because I’d lain awake half the night worrying about having to restrict my diet even more, and trying to work out how I could fit in more exercise, but I still don’t understand why my body looked so awful. I suppose it’s that change of shape everyone says happens at menopause, that I thought I could keep at bay with diet and exercise.

I didn’t used to feel like this, and I hate that I do now - as much as anything else it’s so boring, having this low-level self-hating monologue droning on in my brain all the time.

As a feminist I know I shouldn’t care; that how I look is literally the least important and interesting thing about me; that I’m clever and funny and a great mum, and I have fantastic kids and a lovely husband and a wonderful group of friends; and more to the point my body actually works properly, it’s healthy, and that’s the most important thing about it…yet I can’t seem to stop agonising over how my body looks. It’s pathetic and I wish I could get over it.

I’m already on HRT, though, so if it is menopause related I’m not sure what to do about it.

The menopause made me care less about how I looked.

My best friend died very young and every day I live seems like a bonus she never had. You are only 52 OP. Fill your life with things you love and stop worrying so much about appearances.

You say you used to be proud of what your body achieved. Well how it looks and what it achieves are different things. At 52 you could still achieve new and wonderful things with your body - start a new sport, run a marathon, climb mountains, swim in the sea. Use your incredible, strong, healthy body to make your life even better than before.

I do.
I exercise regularly, eat better then I ever have done. Yes I'm fitter then ice ever been but look s**t. Old, tired and old.

I didn't say i want to look beautiful but I dont want to look old, tried and wrinkly.
Its all about how I feel, not to impress anyone else. I've been single for years so not about impressing a partner or dh.

I just would like to look in the mirror or at a picture and not cringe at the state of myself.

It's entirely up to you but if you can afford it , splash out!

Another poster mentioned tweaks and if you feel as rubbish as you say, would you consider anything to help? Botox, very subtle fillers, microneedling?

Alice Hart Davis is a journalist who in the interests of research has had a lot done. She's got a website where she discusses all the different options, what works, what's a waste of money etc.

.https://thetweakmentsguide.com/

You could continue this on Style and Beauty here on MN.

Not sure what you mean by splash out?

I have botox every 4 months. I had micro needling but made my skin very red and sensitive.
I have regular treatments and facials.

I have been looking at eye surgery and a neck lift but I recognise I am unlikely to be happy with the results as I still dislike how I look so much, no matter what I do.

My mum died at 52. That keeps me focused on what matters. I think you need to find some other way of valuing yourself. I have some great hobbies (mountaineering) that make me marvel at what my body can do. How about doing something for yourself? Or for others? Do you work?

I’m pretty vain - get Botox, blah blah but my face/body don’t get me down really. If I have a twinge, I give myself a talking to.

I had no idea you were already having those things done (you didn't mention that.)

I said 'splash out' because not everyone can afford those treatments, or they are averse to them, so I wasn't sure how you'd react.

What is it exactly that you don't like about your face?

Jowls, wrinkles, sagging eyelids?

There is surgery for all of those but if you've already decided (quite how is unclear) that you won't like the results, there doesn't seem much point going ahead.

Obviously Botox is for certain things, but it's very limited in what it does, and microneedling can cause redness (that's how it works.)

Have you been to a very good cosmetic doctor to talk about what you don't like and how they can help?
For example https://www.cosmeticskinclinic.com/about-us/
I've seen recommendations here for this clinic.

If you're convinced nothing will help and you hate your appearance, I'd suggest you see someone for CBT as it seems more a mental health issue.

Sorry about your mum.

Yes I work full time. Have hobbies, social life etc.
The reason I posted was 'giving myself a talking to' hasn't helped so I was asking for suggestions or advice.

@JinglingSpringbellsbody dysmorphia is classes as a mental health condition.

I've had a couple of consultations regarding having work done.

It's predominantly my face and neck i dislike

Thanks.I think if I were you, I would focus on the one thing that was particularly bothering me and maybe see about getting something done. Beyond that, I think you should maybe look into counselling or CBT. Because at the end of the day we’re all going downhill! Acceptance and a change of focus is key.

Yes, I know it is. Except it's more to do with hating your body not just an ageing face.

If you are already sure that whatever you have done won't help why bother?

This is nothing to do with menopause IMO.

I guess you need to find a counsellor to help, or CBT, because if you're sure that having 'work done' wont help you could end up like those poor celebrities we see online who have surgery after surgery and end up looking ghastly.

But I also think it's a rite of passage where we all accept we are never going to look the same as did at 22 and be grateful to be healthy and alive (as other posters have said.)