Feel like I’m crumbling with overwhelm and fatigue

[NameChangedForThis2025]

I was sure I was perimenopausal. Nearly 45, mum stopped periods by 40, I’m exhausted all the damn time, my sleep is awful, I’ve no sex drive, no energy, I’m snappy and irritable.

But I’ve been on HRT for a month and I’m not sure it’s making any difference.

I’ve just yelled at my 3 yr old. I’m suddenly feeling like I hate being a mum. It’s never ending. I’ve got a stressful job. The to do list never stops. I’m constantly fighting to keep up. I can never be alone, and when I am I can’t really relax anyway.

My social life and hobbies have become non-existent because I just don’t have the energy for anything extra.

And I’ve a brilliant partner who does more than his share. So it’s not because I’m one of the shit partner brigade.

I just want everyone and everything to fuck off and leave me alone for at least a week.

This probably doesn’t even belong in the menopause thread, sorry.

I feel your pain and I’m in a similar place. I can’t take HRT at the moment for medical reasons but I’ve been on and off it and it did help - it took a bit of time. The one thing that helped me was realising some of the rage and feelings were ‘not me’ so I knew if I felt like that, I would likely feel better the next day and I would try not to be too reactive. The other thing about peri-menopause is that I feel it’s opened my eyes about a lot of stuff - lots of stuff I’ve put up with for years that had been wearing me out that I’m no longer willing to tolerate and have either put boundaries in place or stopped. I’m a work in progress but it’s getting better. Hang in there and you’re not alone x

You have a job... and a 3 year old! Of course you feel like this, youre still in the thick of it.

It will get easier as lo gets older

It does sound very much like you are in perimenopause.

HRT didn't work for me, it made no difference to my symptoms and I was gutted. I heard so many stories of women saying it changed their lives but it didn't change mine.

Is this the first HRT you have tried? It may be worth going back to your GP for a review and switching to something else. Don't give up on it until you have tried different kinds. I had exhausted all options before I gave up.

I felt much the same as you a lot of the time. My lovely family started to irritate me, and I wanted at times, to run away from my own life. I would daydream about leaving home, booking into a hotel and just being on my own for a week to just relax and sleep. And I LOVE my DH and DC's to bits, they had always been my World so I was confused by these thoughts and feelings. This then led to feelings of guilt.

I would have periods of real anxiety and massive feelings of overwhelm. Everything overwhelmed me and I also didn't feel I wanted to socialise as it just all felt too much.

What eventually seems to have worked for me was a combination of supplements, a healthier diet, and some exercise. The exercise came a little later because to start with I just didn't have the energy or could be bothered to work out. But I started just taking some walks in the fresh air on my own which massively helped with that feeling of 'wanting to get away'. Then I started doing some You Tube videos at home, just for 20 minutes, a few times a week.

This, teamed with the supplements, have all helped me to feel more relaxed, more in control, less moody, and overall cope much better with this stage of my life. I have stopped feeling irritated and annoyed by everyone and everything and my energy is back and so is my desire for my DH!!

A month in is early days for HRT. Stick with it. It took a good 8 weeks to kick in for me, and up to 12 weeks is normal

If no improvement by then, your dose may need increasing

Take regular early morning or evening walks helps the mood, get out in the nature more as it has calming effects ❤️
Make sure your not deficient in vitamin such as vit D and get your iron levels checked.

Menopause plus young children is a recipe for disaster. You’re bound to be exhausted, throw in your return to work and no wonder you’re feeling below par. It’s a realistic reaction, not some kind of failure on your part. In a few short years life will be easier but in the meantime take care of yourself and do what you have to to get through it.

Hi OP, you have lots going on at once.

A month is too early to know if HRT is working or not. I think you need to give it more time.

In regards to work, is it at all possible that you can reduce to part time? Or your hours, or at the least ask for a Fit Note from your GP? To get some time off.
Sorry if I missed this bit, but is your DC at nursery yet? If not, is this something you can organise. If you are both working then you will get more free hours won’t you.
Good that you have a good partner, what’s their work schedule like, in that can you or do you take it in turn with your DC during the week days for example?
Assuming for a moment that neither of you work at the weekends?
Can you both get some time off, so you can get out, or if you’d prefer to be indoors, that you DP can take your DC out?

Yes yes and yes. And I’m not doing this with a 3 year old! I am not on medication for peri symptoms for various reasons. But I do find when I get to the point where I want to scream o stand or lay down and count and take long deep breaths. It works for me. It sucks.

Yes, I completely feel you. I’m 41 and I’m the fittest / healthiest I’ve ever been, so even that’s not helping my mood (although if I don’t exercise, I’m MUCH worse).

I could easily walk away from everything and everyone, and find food shopping / planning beyond overwhelming. I sometimes cry over it, which is ridiculous, but I’m just so sick of it.

I used to be so excited by Christmas etc, and now it just feels like a chore. I can’t work out if it’s a combination of just years of solo effort on my part along with next to no help (DH is pretty useless annoyingly), or if it’s my hormones making me feel like this.

I was in the supermarket yesterday and I could feel myself muttering “I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore.” I feel like I’m going insane.

It’s occurred to me I’m just at the tail end of my period and I think this might be a pattern where it’s all much worse the week of my period. I will need to keep track.

It's probably 50% peri 50% toddler