Empty Nest Blues and Menopause kicking my a55

[HK04]

Dropped my only DD at College on Saturday. Excited for her new chapter in the big City. Jeez though. Wasn’t prepared for the absolute gut wrenching grief I now feel. Been in tears most of weekend and feels like an existential crisis. Been thinking of so much (over thinking!) and situation probably exacerbated as almost all our key family members have passed away. Just worry for her (she’d be the first to tell me not to!) and sad that things will never be the same - know that’s life though.
Maybe doesn’t help that peri-menopause already wreaking havoc. Constant (ridiculous) heavy bleeding, fibroids, symptoms like IBS, frequent urination, racing heart… anaemia, insomnia, flushes etc. GP beyond useless. Following CT scan in December hospital said urgent referral to gynie needed but still waiting. Last time chased up last month he said they’ll be dealing with the cancer patients. Understandably but not sure where that leaves those with chronic symptoms.
Anyways, back at work today TF. Thanks for listening.

No, life never stays the same, the wheels keep turning.
The only thing I can recommend is having something to look forward to. Get a holiday booked or something.
I lost my father recently, and I’m struggling with the paperwork etc. It’s made me determined to sort out my shit now, so that my kids don’t have to in the future.

Thanks @PersephoneParlormaid you’re absolutely right. Can’t explain why it’s hitting me so hard. Felt broken this weekend and not like me. Thankfully have a fab break planned for us in October and work will give me the reality check I need meantime.

I’m so sorry for your loss too. Losing a parent can be so profoundly difficult. Sounds a total ‘mare with the paperwork on top. Funnily enough thought the same about wanting affairs in order so the family don’t have that on top.

Maybe doesn’t help that peri-menopause already wreaking havoc. Constant (ridiculous) heavy bleeding, fibroids, symptoms like IBS, frequent urination, racing heart… anaemia, insomnia, flushes etc. GP beyond useless. Following CT scan in December hospital said urgent referral to gynie needed but still waiting.

I'm sorry you're feeling as you are but...

Why on earth has your GP not suggested HRT?

Have you asked for it? The Mirena coil at least should be on offer, to stop your bleeding and then the anaemia would be sorted.

Vaginal estrogen cream for your frequent weeing.

There's no need to suffer with all the above. Do some research into HRT and if you want to consider it, ask your GP.

CT scan seems 'overkill' for all the symptoms linked to hormones.

Has your GP even heard of the menopause?
It sounds as if they've not!
Every single symptom you have can be linked to that.

Hot flushes
Insomnia
Constant weeing
Heavy periods = anaemia and palpitations
(How do you know you have fibroids?)

I'm truly shocked that your GP sent you for a CT scan rather than dealing with your symptoms, which should include (if you want it) HRT, the Mirena coil, local topical estrogen treatments for your bladder, iron tablets in the meanwhile for your anaemia.

Sorry just to repeat my previous post, but your GP is the person to sort this out.

Maybe change your GP if you can?

Sorry I don't have any advice to give but I can totally relate to the empty nest feelings. I'm a few years in and it does eventually get easier. Hang in there!

Thanks @JinglingSpringbells will try again to press for HRT. When mentioned it before GP just said after had explained all the impact he’d write again to gynie. I assumed (sounds wrongly) I would need them to prescribe it? Probably like most of the country hard to get an appt. 4-6 week wait at the practice then when do go in it feels a bit of a rushed conveyor belt. Have impressed each time the marked impact the myriad of symptoms having (like many of us work FT on top and no fun passing clots/flooding in meetings with double protection). Embarrassingly have also soaked through a couple of chairs when out and about even though just changed beforehand. It’s mortifying. DH in spare room as up and down most nights.
Not really sure why coil was deemed not suitable (type of fibroids?) would that be it - not up on medical issues or why the CT scan (they sent me for couple of ultrasound too) but all in have been limping along for months and months. On iron daily still and they got me to do a urination diary (didn’t seem to do anything with it?) twice and poo test. All ok with latter so did think likely just joys of peri.
Will do some more research on HRT though as you saying no need to suffer resonated strongly.

Thanks @BerfyTigot helps to know I’m not alone. Been up since 0400 and just had that heartbroken weepy feelings. The kind where your tummy in knots and feel like something is wrong as well as that profound worry, sadness, guilt (Have I done enough? What about the times I let her down or got it wrong? Thinking back to my folks, loss, worry for her future etc etc). So all in 💯 in eejit mode! Head rational but it’s when heart takes over it’s hard to not just feel what you feel. Glad it gets easier and thanks for taking the time to reply. Kindness when you down really does help. Plus sun is shining and off to work.

I feel really angry on your behalf! What does the GP mean by 'explained all the impact'? Is that referring to HRT? Are you saying he is against it in principle?

You shouldn't need to 'press' for HRT- you have enough symptoms to just say 'I want to try HRT '.

At the very least, GP should prescribe Tranexamic acid tablets to take during your period to stop the heavy bleeding. You need to ask for those. It's horrible you're flooding.

You should be prescribed vaginal estrogen - either a tiny tablet you insert or a cream you insert. This will build up your bladder lining, which thins as estrogen falls= more weeing as it's irritated. You can buy this OTC and online although they may ask your age and if you're post meno.

www.drlouisenewson.co.uk/knowledge/vaginal-hormones-what-you-need-to-know

You do not need to see a specialist to be prescribed HRT.
It is possible your fibroids would make it harder to insert the Mirena but you need a consultation and an expert gynae to decide.
But the simpler issues like HRT (without a Mirena coil) can be done by a GP.

Is there any way you can come out of the NHS for a one-off appt with a private gynae? Cost is about £250. They could ask for your scan results and make decisions on those, re. the Mirena.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much but sadly the only way forwards is to create more of a fuss and insist on some treatment. You will probably find the low mood/empty nest improves too once your hormones are sorted a bit!

@JinglingSpringbells thanks for info - learned more from your post than all these months via GP. Gave me the kick up backside to get this sorted. Just been kinda living with it as best can though not too easy with work, family life etc on top.
Phone appt (!) booked for 10th. Soonest they can do face to face was end September. Be a stretch to go private but if still don’t get anywhere definitely an option.
Didn’t know about the creams, and meant once I told GP (and have repeatedly) the severe impact heavy bleeding constantly and the rest was having he didn’t respond other than to say he’d nudge gynie again. The fibroids they diagnosed after couple of ultrasounds and the CT scan. Had a biopsy at one stage too but all ok thankfully though they did say had a bulky uterus? Not sure if that relevant.
Anyways thank you to everyone who responded today. Felt really really rubbish but you all and joys (!) of work do feel bit better.