Perimenopause anxiety – it’s really affecting my marriage

[TheGiddyLimeOP]

Hi all,

I think I’m in perimenopause — my periods are all over the place, not sleeping properly etc — but the hardest part is the anxiety. I feel constantly on edge and it’s spilling over into my marriage.

I can’t seem to relax around my DH anymore. I find myself feeling paranoid that he doesn’t want to be with me, or even worrying he’s having an affair — even though he has never given me any reason to doubt him. He’s been nothing but loyal and supportive, but I can’t switch off the thoughts. It’s exhausting and unfair on both of us, and I hate that I’m starting to second-guess a relationship that has always been solid.

It feels like my brain has been hijacked. I know hormones can do all sorts of things, but the anxiety is overwhelming and it’s starting to chip away at the trust and ease we’ve always had. I miss feeling like “me” in my marriage.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of paranoia and insecurity during perimenopause? Did HRT or anything else help ease it? I’d really love to hear from others who’ve been through this — I feel like I’m losing myself and my marriage is suffering because of it.

Thanks in advance

I had sleep problems and depression (as well as the hot flushes night sweats etc)when I was peri-menopausal. Id go and see your GP and try as low a dose as you can on hrt. Transdermal has less risks than oral tablets. You can cut patches up so you could even try half or a 3rd of a patch initially.
Don't worry, anxiety to that level is quite normal. 🙄

I felt like I was losing my mind before HRT. Hard recommend. Why suffer? The risks with patches are negligible and there are physiological benefits beyond hormonal stabilisation. It was an easy choice for me as I could barely function due to peri at the time

I probably should have mentioned I am taking HRT, I’m on my second month. I feel as though the anxiety has got worse if that’s even possible

Social media doesn’t help.
Your body is changing often peri hits at a very busy time of life.
Certainly try HRT, but don’t fuel your anxiety doom scrolling.

I felt my anxiety got worse on HRT as well. ChatGPT suggested it could have been the progesterone part of the HRT that was making my anxiety worse, although it did say this is rare and in sensitive individuals only. I’ve got panic disorder anyway so I am very sensitive to certain things. Just thought I’d mention this in case you need to talk to your doctor about it.

What form of HRT are you using? Some people are better on some than others. Patches/gel/tablets

HRT can take up to 12 weeks to settle down so stick with it. It was a good 8 weeks for me but I'm feeling like myself again

I am feeling exactly this, I have been with my husband for 22 years, married for 16 and all of a sudden I am paranoid. I am adamant I see him looking at women but we've not had this issue before perimenopause so now I'm doubting myself also. Now the doubt is stuck in my head and I can't see past it and I'm acusing him all the time that it is affecting our marriage. He wants his easy going wife back but I don't know how to get back there as I don't trust him. Is this all really hormones. I'm on HRT second month in also and my paranoia has not changed. If anything helps or changes please let me know.

@SHoss1416 I feel for you. Gp's normally say to give it at least three months. You could try taking some evening primrose capsules alongside the hrt. It really helped me for pmt, but you need to almost overdose for about 3 weeks and then reduce.

Thanks, I'll try this, taking so much already but willing to try anything. Just taken a hormone test and waiting for the results. Keep us posted. Hoping this three month milestone is a miracle.

It’s been really difficult. I actually ended up crying in Zara because I was convinced my husband was looking at another woman. The thing is, he has never shown any interest in other women, nor has he had many past relationships before me, so I don’t understand why I’ve been feeling this way.

I decided to stop taking HRT because I’d rather cope with the other symptoms than deal with this particular side effect. I also started therapy, which has made a big difference. Therapy has helped me learn how to calm and manage my intrusive thoughts, instead of projecting them onto my husband

Same with my husband. Every outing ends up in misery to the point we hardly go out as a family now which is so sad because we did absolutely everything together. I'm tempted to go private to get help from someone that can really evaluate my hormones.