Being told I'm irrational

SilverDoublet · 2025-07-27T22:20:02+00:00

Myself and husband haven't been getting on very well lately. We are under a lot of stress generally, life, kids, jobs, a house move, but lately he's been telling me I'm irrational. I don't think I'm being irrational at all, I feel like he keeps picking fights with me. I told him I would go to a Dr and ask about trying hrt. He thinks I'm being ridiculous and just need to start 'being nicer' to everyone. I don't think I'm being unpleasant at all. He says I don't need medication. I have zero interest in being intimate with him, or anyone else, so I think that's his main problem. But I don't feel like forcing myself to do something I don't want to do and have no interest in anymore. What should I do?

Fluffyowl00 · 27/07/2025 23:40

Honestly? Get some HRT and then reassess. I thought I was actually going mad. And I’m single. It won’t make your relationship any better. It won’t make work any better. But it will make your judgment much better.

Are you feeling anxious about ridiculous things (mine was remembering
to put the bin out- 20 mins of heart palpitations). Couldn’t sleep or would wake up at 3am for the day. Thought everyone hated me at times. Couldn’t remember the words I wanted to say.

First month:oestrogen fantastic. Progesterone awful. Second month better. Third month- almost myself. Quit my job and got something else. I have perspective now.

Apparently it’s not the lack of hormones, it’s the inconsistency that makes your body compensate. A regular dose has honestly
made me feel pretty much back to normal (but I realised what isn’t working!).

The keyword (according to NICE guidelines) is that you have hot flushes.

Good luck mate

101trees · 28/07/2025 07:00

Fluffyowl00 · 27/07/2025 23:40

Honestly? Get some HRT and then reassess. I thought I was actually going mad. And I’m single. It won’t make your relationship any better. It won’t make work any better. But it will make your judgment much better.

Are you feeling anxious about ridiculous things (mine was remembering
to put the bin out- 20 mins of heart palpitations). Couldn’t sleep or would wake up at 3am for the day. Thought everyone hated me at times. Couldn’t remember the words I wanted to say.

First month:oestrogen fantastic. Progesterone awful. Second month better. Third month- almost myself. Quit my job and got something else. I have perspective now.

Apparently it’s not the lack of hormones, it’s the inconsistency that makes your body compensate. A regular dose has honestly
made me feel pretty much back to normal (but I realised what isn’t working!).

The keyword (according to NICE guidelines) is that you have hot flushes.

Good luck mate

Oh that's so familiar!

I started HRT and had
Month 1: same as yours
Month 2: same as yours
Month 3: same as yours
Month 4: tanked. Back to the way I was before starting.

I've since tried upping the estrogen to see if I can go back to Month 2 again. I felt phenomenal then and so relieved that it was just my hormones and not my brain !

My husband did actually ask in Month 3 whether I'd forgotten to put on my estrogen patch, so he'd obviously noticed the difference too.

It's the anxiety that is the worst. Absolutely kills me.

101trees · 28/07/2025 07:11

Also, OP, I do also think that sounds like at least partially it's your husband. Saying 'just be nicer' implies he's feeling you're not being nice, so likely to be reacting to that and being more snipey.

But I think the potential for HRT in that scenario is for it to improve your own internal robustness and thresholds for irritation tolerance.

My husband said, in a slightly bewildered manner, I don't think I'm more annoying than I used to be... I think I've always been this annoying.

He's right, he has always been exactly this annoying. It was my reaction to it which had changed.

Dozer · 28/07/2025 07:15

Some red flags about your H:

Pressure / change in how he treats you over sex.
Unsolicited opinions about your health and choices (about the HRT).
Assertion that you’re being ‘irrational’.
Assertion that you are the problem.

Would look into menopause stuff for your own sake & take your own decisions without involving him, since he’s not supportive.

Original poster

SilverDoublet · 28/07/2025 07:32

Fluffyowl00 · 27/07/2025 23:40

Honestly? Get some HRT and then reassess. I thought I was actually going mad. And I’m single. It won’t make your relationship any better. It won’t make work any better. But it will make your judgment much better.

Are you feeling anxious about ridiculous things (mine was remembering
to put the bin out- 20 mins of heart palpitations). Couldn’t sleep or would wake up at 3am for the day. Thought everyone hated me at times. Couldn’t remember the words I wanted to say.

First month:oestrogen fantastic. Progesterone awful. Second month better. Third month- almost myself. Quit my job and got something else. I have perspective now.

Apparently it’s not the lack of hormones, it’s the inconsistency that makes your body compensate. A regular dose has honestly
made me feel pretty much back to normal (but I realised what isn’t working!).

The keyword (according to NICE guidelines) is that you have hot flushes.

Good luck mate

Yes, I have major anxiety all the time. I can't stop stressing about everything and feeling overwhelmed, but they are bigger things, like a new job and a house move. I feel really irritable as well and just want to be alone most of the time, which is impossible in a family of six 🙈. I never feel like I can sit down and relax and switch off either.

OP posts:

Fluffyowl00 · 28/07/2025 07:38

101trees · 28/07/2025 07:11

Also, OP, I do also think that sounds like at least partially it's your husband. Saying 'just be nicer' implies he's feeling you're not being nice, so likely to be reacting to that and being more snipey.

But I think the potential for HRT in that scenario is for it to improve your own internal robustness and thresholds for irritation tolerance.

My husband said, in a slightly bewildered manner, I don't think I'm more annoying than I used to be... I think I've always been this annoying.

He's right, he has always been exactly this annoying. It was my reaction to it which had changed.

Haha love the bit about your husband! I think that’s it. HRT not the be all and end all but it’s helped me see what is me and what is hormone driven.

I just felt absolutely paralysed with indecision about everything. I now see I’m going to have to make some changes to take it easier.

Notsurewheretostarthere · 28/07/2025 07:40

OP, when I was 39, my DH sent me to the doctor due to my insane increase in anger. GP did blood tests for meno (I know 😏) which said I was OK for hormones.

By the time I was 42 I was spending half the month in tears with PMT and felt suicidal, absolutely blasting with anger. Then the night sweats started then the prolapses.

Went on HRT. Progesterone made me suicidal. Switched to mirena plus 100mcg oestrogen patch and testosterone. Plus I had a year of therapy/counselling funded privately.

I'm a different woman. Don't react so badly. Much more aware of it when I do. Want to have sex all the time. Never cry except when something is sad.

I would 100% try HRT. the mirena was the key for me - permanent progesterone release. Helped calm me, plus I sleep like a log.

101trees · 28/07/2025 09:04

Fluffyowl00 · 28/07/2025 07:38

Haha love the bit about your husband! I think that’s it. HRT not the be all and end all but it’s helped me see what is me and what is hormone driven.

I just felt absolutely paralysed with indecision about everything. I now see I’m going to have to make some changes to take it easier.

Show quote history

Yeah ! Absolutely on the paralysed with indecision front!

Your description really resonated with me. It's exactly how I was feeling.

I don't think HRT can do it all. I know I still need regular exercise and decent meals to keep my wellbeing up too, and my HRT dose is not quite right.

But I do still feel so much better. Just being able to think and sleep is such a relief.

101trees · 28/07/2025 09:08

This has also reminded me that pre-HRT, my mechanic (lovely guy who I've been going to for 20 years), suggested my car problem might be an oversensitivity issue.

I assumed he meant something on the car was being oversensitive.

No. He was suggesting I was being oversensitive about it.

He's lucky to still be alive... I don't he'll ever suggest that anyone again.

Gettingbysomehow · 28/07/2025 09:47

He's an idiot. It's like saying to someone in a wheelchair, you could walk if you wanted to.
Does he have any clue what the menopause is?

Dozer · 28/07/2025 10:40

Job move and house move are big things to be dealing with at any time.

JinglingSpringbells · 28/07/2025 12:16

I winced when I read that your H says you're being 'irrational'.
That sounds pretty patronising as if he's accusing you of being 'a silly little woman'.

Make it about what you want. If you've got peri/meno symptoms and are struggling, it's perfectly valid to see your GP and talk about HRT.

If it's to please your H who isn't happy, that's a bit different.

TBH house moves and new work will drive most people round the bend as they are stressful. And 4 kids too? That's a lot on your plate.

HRT isn't a magic bullet. It will help symptoms but it won't 'cure' your moving stress or your job stuff.

Is he pulling his weight at home? You should carve out some time for you- do you get any time alone to do hobbies, read, walk do something to recharge your batteries?

Original poster

SilverDoublet · 28/07/2025 12:49

JinglingSpringbells · 28/07/2025 12:16

I winced when I read that your H says you're being 'irrational'.
That sounds pretty patronising as if he's accusing you of being 'a silly little woman'.

Make it about what you want. If you've got peri/meno symptoms and are struggling, it's perfectly valid to see your GP and talk about HRT.

If it's to please your H who isn't happy, that's a bit different.

TBH house moves and new work will drive most people round the bend as they are stressful. And 4 kids too? That's a lot on your plate.

HRT isn't a magic bullet. It will help symptoms but it won't 'cure' your moving stress or your job stuff.

Is he pulling his weight at home? You should carve out some time for you- do you get any time alone to do hobbies, read, walk do something to recharge your batteries?

Edited

Thanks, I do feel like I'm going a bit mad. I can't switch off thinking about the move and all we have to do, it's so overwhelming I'm thinking of pulling out of it all. I can't take time out cos there is no time. It is full on all the time. But any time I have for a few minutes, my mind is racing and catastrophising. Not good at work, my focus is non existent..... Hoping hrt would help.

OP posts:

JinglingSpringbells · 28/07/2025 13:26

SilverDoublet · 28/07/2025 12:49

Thanks, I do feel like I'm going a bit mad. I can't switch off thinking about the move and all we have to do, it's so overwhelming I'm thinking of pulling out of it all. I can't take time out cos there is no time. It is full on all the time. But any time I have for a few minutes, my mind is racing and catastrophising. Not good at work, my focus is non existent..... Hoping hrt would help.

Show quote history

HRT may help but to be honest, these are 'life events' and everyone finds them tough.

I actually think you'd benefit from mindfulness (download your own apps) or CBT, in order to control your runaway thoughts.

Maybe have a look a the MIND website under self help and see what they suggest.https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/self-care/

I'm very pro HRT (been on it over 15 years) but it can't do everything and yours sounds like a case where even if HRT helps you need time and space to yourself.