Is it normal to feel so angry all the time?

[Brownbearwhitebear]

I’m 52 so likely to be bang in the middle of menopause - I’m on the pill so not 100% sure. I’ve had some symptoms but mood swings are the worst, I’m just so irritable and at times so angry it scares me.

I’ve got some stuff going on but I used to be better at dealing with it, now I seem to have lost all tolerance. I’m sick of the unfairness of life and people who get away with things and I’m tired of keeping quiet about it.

I’ve read that ‘giving no fucks’ is common but that doesn’t translate to real life where you have to be professional and polite or be seen as a deranged middle-aged woman.

Is anyone else this angry and if so how did/do you deal with it?

I feel like this too (I’m 54) and it’s horrible. My DS called me ‘toxic’ the other day as a joke but really I am. I feel so vengeful towards ever and everything that irritates me. I don’t know what the answer is. I’m on HRT patches (50). All I can think is maybe I need to up the patches? Also, people genuinely ARE annoying! 😂 Exercise, which I detest, does seem to help temporarily but it’s not a cure.

Completely agree with everything you say, I'm sorry that you feel like this too. It annoys me that I cant express it without being seen as unhinged - it's just one more way to shut women up.

Yes... I also felt like this, also quite specifically that it was men who were incredibly irritating and to blame.

I still think they're irritating, but much less so since starting HRT. The thoughts are still there, but less driven by feelings. I can also now see that it's detracting from my happiness to feel like that so have kind of been able to let it go a bit since the hrt kicked in.

I'm only 40, but going through menopause early, as the rest of my family did. So I think it is pretty directly related to hormones.

I actually found it quite unsettling to find that my thoughts and feelings had been so driven by my hormones that I could just stop them by adding some more estrogen in. It's disconcerting really.

I think your description of having some stuff going on but used to be better at dealing with it sounds bang on the money. Its like an extended version of when you got pms and the same situation occurring on different days you were more or less able to deal with depending on whether you had your period or not. My internal ability to cope with it increased when my hormones settled with hrt.

I did actually Google 'how do you know if your husband is really annoying or if you're in perimenopause' before starting hrt.

Google suggested the end of my sentence for me and I realised maaaaany other women had googled that before me.

Im in a great dilemma about this to be honest. On the one hand life is such that we should be angry about it and some issues at home are also I feel worthy of being angry and not standing for stuff any more

But then Im always wondering 'have I over reacted'

I think I do need HRT and now Im wondering how to get the right mixture/dose, not sure i understand enough about it.

The rage I felt when I was went into perimenopause at 41 was possibly one of the scariest aspects of menopause.

Literally road rage, screaming, shouting at strangers even my dc.
I have never ever been a 'shouty' person.

I'm deeply ashamed of some of things I did.

HRT has helped but when I take the progesterone, I literally engage as little as possible with other people as I know I'm prone to getting angry.

I have tried to stop HRT now that vimto postmenopausal but the rage returns and honestly? I could really hurt someone or myself.

HRT has prevented me from throttling many, many people. So that’s hormonal. However at 54 I am ALSO acutely aware that life contains a massive amount of cunts. I think we need a good double blind randomised control experiment, with it written up in an esteemed journal, demonstrating whether HRT enables women to cope better with fucking arseholes, or conversely, enables them to identify them more accurately.

I’m 57, my life is constant giving to others. I work full time, have neurodiverse young adults at home that I look after and a husband that appears to want my very soul. Women have been shafted for centuries and we get a drop in oestrogen and realise we don’t want to live our lives for everyone else we want something for ourselves.

Why the fuck would we not be angry?

Yes to all of the above! I'm really unsure whether it's just hormones or if I've finally realised how crap life/people can be and dont want to put up with it any more. Trouble is we dont have a choice do we?

I really dont want to go down the HRT road - I've heard so many stories about side effects, multiple efforts to find the right format/dose and all that - I really cba to deal with it but I need to do something and a herbal tea/yoga class/mindfulness journal is just not going to cut it.

That’s exactly why I went private for HRT (I am not remotely wealthy). I could not be arsed with fighting my idiot, sexist, male GP. If you go to a specialist it doesn’t take that long to get on the right combo for you, and it’s so worth it. My DH still thinks I’m horrible to live with at times, but I feel less “out of control” with my anger, if that makes sense.

Not that I'm trying to convince you to try hrt when you don't want to.

But just to give you the full picture - I put off trying it for that exact reason.

Happy to report, aside from a week of feeling very queasy, absolutely zero side effects, no changing or altering any dosing. Just felt better, for now at least.

I don't think people talk about it when it's working out fine.

'I’m sick of the unfairness of life and people who get away with things and I’m tired of keeping quiet about it.'

That would irritate me at any time of life (I am 53). Guessing it's work stuff?

@VirginaGirl a bit of work, a bit of personal and a bit of how the world is these days which I think a lot of people feel, menopausal or not. But yes, in regard to work it does make it harder to put on that professional front.

It really is worth trying HRT - you can always stop it if it really doesn't suit you, but it can be amazing.

I was getting very bad, suicidal thoughts and absolute rage with PMT - HRT completely transformed me and I wish I had gone on it sooner.

I was lucky that I had no negative side effects that I remember, and it took a couple of months to settle on the right doses etc. I am lucky that there is a menopause specialist at my GP surgery, but my normal GP is totally clued up and positive about HRT anyway.

I do worry that sometimes when people suggest women’s anger is menopause related it’s a great way to gaslight.

However, I also know I have been an utterly irrational hormonal rage queen at times.

I’m not allowed HRT but doctor suggested sertraline and I’ve been on it a few years now and I feel much better on it.
controversial opinion but for me it’s been positive