Is this peri or am I depressed or going completely mad?

[Peribananas]

2 young children 4 & 6
Today 4yr old has been home all day. It’s hot. Whine whine whine and wanting something every minute. Won’t sit down for 5mins.
I’m so wound up by him.
I completely lost it at dinner time and smashed dinner plates on the floor out of frustration (kids throwing food & not listening). Obviously have apologised for mummy’s “big feelings”. Not proud of myself. Feel awful.
Im usually such a calm person. I’m full of fcking rage and so irritable.
Im 42.

Id say im up and down with my hormones/emotions since 39. Im pretty sure i get this lull pre period and post period and then ok for a few weeks but never properly tracked it. Im in one of these funks today.

I don’t know what to do. I hate the parent I’ve been today and don’t want my kids to be scarred or worse copy me. Wtf.

I'm 48. 5 years ago I got grumpier and snappier over the months and then, wound up by a number of things, I shoved DD1 who was then about 10. I remember it clearly, I deliberately didn't hit her, I knew I didn't want to hurt her, but put my hands gently on her and pushed and shouted at her.

The look on her face and my DHs was enough to horrify me instantly. Read lots of perimenopause books and went onto HRT. I had lots of symptoms (pretty much all of them!) but it was the one that made me do something.

Haven't done it since. I then went through a period of anhedonia but am getting back to normal now. But the rage I felt in those days, I definitely think that could be what you're going through.

Obviously that's mad behaviour but sounds like peri. Looks like it's time to try hrt for everyone's sake.

Sounds like peri, or maybe PMDD. My PMDD got a lot worse when peri started. Try taking a look at the perimenopause symptom list on the NHS website and see how many you’ve got. If it stacks up, head to the GP for HRT, if you can. Track your symptoms first, so you’ve got plenty of evidence for them. If it is more PMDD, one of my friends was prescribed a small dose of antidepressants for one week a month and found it helped reduce the symptoms a bit, so that could be an option.