Mid-life madness - does it get better?

[helluvatime]

I just want to run away but I can't. Is this menopause related? Honestly, I just want to pack it all in, get a van and head for the hills. Things I don’t want to do: work, spend time with dh, parent teenagers snd yet it seems I have to. I've always been caring, responsible and now I just daydream about running away! Is this normal? Will it get better? I can't really afford a mid-life crisis!

In my experience it is normal. After a lifetime of hormones driving you to care for others they drop away and you start to look around and think what next, what about me?

When I got to that stage I changed jobs (to something I'd always wanted to do), downsized my house and moved to the seaside. What seemed like a mid life crisis was the making of me. 20 years on I'm so glad it happened.

I think it’s a very normal response to many women’s day to day lives. How much time in your life do you get to just do what you want and think your own thoughts? How much is spent thinking about others needs? I’m utterly fed up of parenting - not of my children as such (although teen behaviour is not fun) but more of the act of thinking about other peoples needs and lives. I calculated once how much I do for others and then how much others do for me and it was certainly a stark imbalance - and I’m definitely not martyr like.

What can change and when? What do you want life to look like?

God, yes.
I'm now actually on a lose dose of ADs.
I care for an elderly family member, dh works away a lot, older dd just finishing a postgraduate she has hated and dd just finished gcses.
I'm just...done.
And its going to be a long summer...:(

Totally normal.

Ton of HRT makes it bearable. Recently tried to reduce the HRT and literally wanted to kick my teens/20 something dc out of the house!

I don't seem to be very good at imagining a life I want that is within my means. I don't earn much and have prioritized family over career. I feel like I've screwed up everything.

I'm not on HRT and can't take it.

Just don’t copy me. I lost my shit alienated everyone, divorced my husband and left my job - a year later I though hmmm
maybe that was me but at the time I literally hated everyone and had not an ounce of patience. Permanent rage.
every sympathy and get hrt and remember this too shall pass and don’t trust your own decisions.

I have been feeling like this lately, I recently left my office job it had bronco unbearable and the thought of another job in an office with all it’s ridiculous shit makes me want to cry but I don’t have any other experience. My 12 year old can be a nightmare at times. Im definitely peri just waiting for HRT if it doesn’t help I am running away.

OMG I am definitely on a path to copying you! I'm sorry it didn't work out though - any positives?

can I come too? I'm not even sure HRT is helping as much any more (although I've just agreed with the nurse to increase my dose). I'm so over work, aging parents, brain fog, aching all the time, fuckwits in society......

I'm being assessed for CFS / ME at present but wonder if some if it is a way of my body just shutting down and protecting itself, I am also struggling with menopause symptoms.

Combination of DH's work issues, teenage children, elderly parents and in laws all seeming to need me. I have taken to my bed.

As well / instead of the holiday idea, a place nearby to escape to in peace might help, I have a corner of the nearby park I go to or even a nice pool 'gym could be helpful.

Yep, it’s menopause. HRT can get a lot of it under control but I’d still love to run away. I also prioritised kids over career and now they’re nearly off my hands I think I might’ve made an error. I’m focused on getting my ducks in a row so I can do something for me when they’re off to uni. Maybe a pt degree, but I’d need to increase my earnings first, and get some experience in the right field. It’s hard to get the wheels in motion when I’m so damn tired!

Can you take some time out to think about what you want for this next phase of your life? I find I have to leave the house (and ideally leave my local area) to be able to clear my head and think a bit beyond my current life.

Oh, also, I hated my DH when I was in the thick of it with peri, but we’ve come through it now and I’m glad I didn’t divorce him!

If you can’t take HRT then some lifestyle changes could help - healthy diet/exercise incl. lifting weights/get outside every day/ get enough sleep etc.

I'd love to run away and can honestly say it dominates my every day thoughts.

52, still neck deep in peri, stressed to the hilt caring for a parent with dementia and teens with all their angst and drama, and exacerbation of chronic health issues which are probably brought on by the daily stress. I just want to lay in bed and not converse with anyone.

I spend all my spare time watching Til Toks of women who have purchased an old campervan and buggered off into the sunset with their dog (I can't even do that cause my dog is a mad, angst ridden rescue who hates change!!).

Omg I logged on to make a post like this 😭😭😭 I am really annnoyed and frustrated by everyone especially DH. I am so over being a support human. GP won’t give me HRT as I’m still a couple of years off being 45.

I am signed off sick and don’t know how/whether to return

I think I've done all I can re: healthy living!

@helluvatime Have you had an appt with a menopause specialist to confirm that?
Only asking as there are so many posts here where women have been misinformed by a GP or misunderstand their own risk factors.

The only absolute reasons are recent breast cancer or a recent blood clot/ heart attack.

Most other medical issues are not a contraindication as there are so many types of HRT.

@JinglingSpringbells It's more a question of accessing it as I live in a country where it's not widely available. I did try but after a year, I gave up. I might have to try again as things are getting worse.

You didn't mention not being in the UK.
That makes a difference to everything.

It's always a case of trial and error, getting the type and dose right.

One option is if you ever come back to the UK you could see a private meno specialist and be given 6 months HRT at a time. It usually only needs an annual review.

I prioritised family over career but I was never a ‘support human’ so I think that helps. My DH and my DC are all fully functioning and I’m able to have my own space and my own life. I’m still menopausal with its 99 problems but my family ain’t one.