Has anyone given up work and how is life now?

[1976a]

I’ve been struggling for two years but I’ve felt dreadful 6 months. I’m 48.
currently undergoing an afhd assessment too as I’ve struggled my whole life. Things have suddenly exploded and I don’t feel fit for work.
anxiety is through the roof, I often feel suicidal and wish I’d just not up but I have two girls so this is 100% not an option.
i cannot carry on with this dread. I’ve been off sick for months and have gone back. Most of the team delightful but I feel like I’m done with it all.
I cannot concentration, have zero motivation and feel in fight or flight mode all
day.
the only thing keeping me there is money and pension contributions. It’s a good job 50k

i really want the stress of it all to go away. I have heard lots of women leave at this stage due to the distress. We could afford it but it would be tight. Am
i fucking up things for my future eg pension? On the other hand won’t be here to get it if I carry on like this with the stress of it all. Can literally feel the cortisol running through my body.

any advice, any real
life experience of this, please be kind, sat here in tears again

I’m so sorry that sounds like it’s a very frightening situation to be in the middle of. That’s good you’re seeking an ADHD assessment. Have you spoken to your GP about other things that might help - in particular whether you should try HRT?

That sounds horrendous. I took a year out. It set our finances back quite a bit. But I found a new job afterwards and have slowly worked my way back. Are you taking HRT?

I’ve been on hrt since October and it hadn’t msde any difference. I’ve tried antidepressants which were awful. I just feel utterly broken x

I didn’t give up work but I’m now late fifties and my mindset has massively shifted

at 51/ 52 I moved jobs because I thought the job I was in was too stressful. Turned out the grass wasn’t greener and unlike you giving up work wasn’t an option.

anyway I came in to say now I seem to be through the worst of the anxiety and I have adjusted. Now I feel more accepting and accepted as a menopausal member of
the team. This allows me to give fewer fucks whilst containing my anxiety. I still suffer but it’s lessened and I still do my job well.

I’m angry as I shouldn’t fuckibg feel like this and I’m put at a huge disadvantage on life/ economically, socially, health wise. Everything just feels like it’s fucking up xx

I changed jobs at 49 - WFH, lower pay, but I was burned out. Giving up work wasn’t an option.

I’ll be honest, giving up work isn’t an option for me. I’m living in cloud cuckoo land. I just really wish I could

If you are not well, could you go back to your GP and ask to be signed off for longer? Lots of people do that.

I was on the same salary as you when I left and I’ve cut my cloth to fit my reduced pay. Don’t make any major life decisions yet - tell the GP you need more time off.

I was exactly like you 1 year ago and I handed in my notice at a senior level role. I wasn't sleeping due to the crushing anxiety and the catastrophisng of every work detail. I was broken.

I took a job on with a huge paycut but then found another at the same level/pay but much less stress, which I am still in.

I have no job security in this role but I'm sleeping peacefully every night and I am rebuilding my mental health. I feel stronger, more capable and calm now and think I could probably take on the old job - but I think I've been blanked out much of it tbh.

I might have an element of adhd too with a potential to overwork, take too much on and burn myself out.

Interestingly, my line manager now is lovely, caring and involved, whereas my old manager was distant, unsupportive and stressed out himself. I feel my work pressures are shared amongst the team.

As someone who has gone through this, my advice would be to stay off sick and apply for new roles. I just wanted to run away so can completely understand how you feel though

I wonder if it’s worth you reviewing the HRT to check that you’re on the optimum doses of everything. I went private for mine and would fully recommend the service I received. My main issue was low mood & bad sleep etc rather than hot flushes etc and my HRT combination has really helped with that. Just a thought in case it was your GP who had prescribed and not a specialist.

I agree - I used to dread waking up at 3 am knowing I wouldn’t sleep until the alarm went off at 6.30 am. I still take too much work on, but I don’t start work until later in the day. It’s made all the difference. @1976a you have options. Give yourself some space to think about your next move.

As above, I tried 3 types of HRT before settling on patches. What are you taking?

@1976a Sorry you're so low but my first reaction to what you've posted is your HRT probably needs reviewing (if it's not happened already.)

There is no way you should be suffering as you are if you're on HRT (and it's not helping.) I know some women don't get on with it, but it worked for me within days (sleep and flushes etc.)

I’ve been on hrt since October and it hadn’t msde any difference.

What dose are you on? Tablets, patches, gel? What type of progesterone?

The guidance is a review after 3 months and then a change to dose or type if it's not helping. And again, after another 3 months etc. It may seem a hill to climb but honestly, it does sound as if this is needed.

I'd agree with a PP that if your GP is struggling to offer this, seeing a specialist is well worth the cost for your health.

I lost most of my 30's and early 40's career years to Chronic migraines, I can't believe I once so ambitious in my career. Honestly now I am in peri I can't imagine going back to work a normal career. The money and old age is a worry although I have a decently earning husband and my NIC are all up to date so I will get a state pension, if it still exists.

I am now focusing on making the most of my life where I can and will try to grow a part time career doing what I my degree and MA is in but I don't think I'll ever work fulltime again.

I hear you! I was like if,this is my life I’d rather be dead ! Due to breast cancer I had to fight for HRT .
I would say you need to see a specialist on women’s health, if you are already on HRT , then you need to see what other HRT is available and you may need to increase dosage. DO NOT GIVE UP and do research.
download Balance app by Dr Louise Newson
this app was and is a game changer for me.
Menopause is different for everyone and just like medication , HRT is a specialist medical treatment, not one size fits all., so to speak you GP or ask if the have a menopause specialist or practice nurse.
Download that App now and start your recovery of this fucking horrendous mind and body shifter even if you have to pay for a private consultation do it and if the different regime works for you then there is NO reason why you cannot get the HRT through your GP!
I wish you well, but please believe when I say they is a better life but you need to put the work in and start making yourself a priority.
Anti depressants are not the Answer and every GP should know this by now, you are lacking vital hormones which effect every part of our well being physically and mentally.

It does take a while to get HRT tweaked. I had to work with a private specialist - monitoring, blood tests etc. Completely worth it. I have also found a huge difference in terms of mood and motivation with testosterone (again levels need to be tested) - it was like the missing piece of the jigsaw for me.

Anyway. Huge sympathies- I felt this way very early on in peri-menopause.There was simply no way I could do my job (and juggle the kids and the house) and I didn’t sleep for years. (Also suspected ADHD which can make everything tumble down at this age). I retrained and lead a peaceful (if boring!) life now. I was lucky to have the option to retrain.

I would take as much time off as you need and definitely review the HRT. Some people don’t absorb it as well. My friend ended up going on pills rather than patches.

I got ill health retirement because of the crushing anxiety, I couldn’t take HRT. I was barely functioning.

I remember visiting London in the middle of it all. And l was too scared to go up the escalators on the tube, I used to live in London! I didn’t know what was happening to me.

It sounds like you're having an existential crisis. Maybe time to re-think things. I'd suggest therapy to give yourself some space to think about what you want to do and look at options. I'm also middle-aged so I'm aware of all the shifts - physical, emotional, interests etc at this age. Some things I used to enjoy, or tolerate are now no go zones, but I'm trying to replace these things, all be in it with some joyful meno health issues...