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Menopause

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Husband seeking advice

30 replies

Wafu · 12/05/2025 06:16

Hi

I hope you don't mind me posting here but there is no good advice on the internet for males

My wife of 12 years is peri menopausal and started hrt in November of last year, she already had the coils fitted but was prescribed patches alongside, for about 2mths after the prescription it was like I had my wife back, she told me she loved me and wanted kisses and cuddles all the time (something we hadn't done for so long). This drifted back after that period and she even started calling me mate. We don't have sex but that I understand and don't care about.

I have educated myself as far as possible on the menopause and the horrible time that a women's body and mind go through and have tried to support my wife as much as possible even though I'm not sure she sees it and I know that's not her fault.

The reason I am here for support and advice is that I am in the military and am a month into a 8mth deployment, I didn't want to leave her when she is in this transition or when our marriage is so fragile. Since I left she hasn't really spoke to me, she has my email and also I have WiFi access so she can message, she doesn't know if she misses me and I'm finding it really hard. If I initiate conversation I may get a reply, sometimes not. I understand that she is busy as we have 2 young children and a house to maintain. She finds time to make posts on social media, however not the time to speak to me.

I'm not trying to be needy, I just don't want to lose the love of my life, she's my whole world, I just want to interact with her and know she still cares, it's hard being away from your loved ones but I'm finding it harder not speaking to the one I care the most about.

I hope this doesn't come across like her world should revolve around me because that is not the case, I just still want to try and be a small part of it.

Thankyou for taking the time to read my post.

OP posts:
upmost00suport · 15/05/2025 23:04

Wafu · 15/05/2025 21:12

Thankyou all for your help and advice but my wife has just left me after 12 years, she has no feelings for me anymore

I feel your pain man, stay strong, let her know that your always there for her but dont be a doormat, dont hassle her or bombard her with text/calls, you never know things could turn around,, dont beat yourself up looking for answers

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 16/05/2025 08:30

Wafu · 15/05/2025 21:12

Thankyou all for your help and advice but my wife has just left me after 12 years, she has no feelings for me anymore

Oh mate I'm sorry to hear that

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 16/05/2025 08:32

upmost00suport · 15/05/2025 23:04

I feel your pain man, stay strong, let her know that your always there for her but dont be a doormat, dont hassle her or bombard her with text/calls, you never know things could turn around,, dont beat yourself up looking for answers

This. She might realise that she is being hormone fuelled and that not having you in her life isn't what she actually wants, not that you should be messed about.

Honestly, perimenopause is such an explosion of things we've kept in for years. She may feel empowered by what she's done but when the dust settles....

Whatever happens I'm sorry that the outcome was this

Wafu · 16/05/2025 10:11

Her words were that she has been trying to find her feelings for years and they haven't come back, she has felt like she was peri for years so I don't know, was hard to speak to her as it was all over text, she started getting mad at my replys aswell so I have just told her that it's her choice and good luck, trying to difuse the situation. I'm gonna work on me and she knows I will be there if she changes her mind and that I love her

OP posts:
MusicMakesItAllBetter · 16/05/2025 12:06

Wafu · 16/05/2025 10:11

Her words were that she has been trying to find her feelings for years and they haven't come back, she has felt like she was peri for years so I don't know, was hard to speak to her as it was all over text, she started getting mad at my replys aswell so I have just told her that it's her choice and good luck, trying to difuse the situation. I'm gonna work on me and she knows I will be there if she changes her mind and that I love her

Ah mate.... Text talk 😔 the worst because there's no tone of voice so things can be taken the wrong way so easily.

When I look back through Facebook memories I can see that I had symptoms way before the year it all imploded but didn't know it was peri. It'll be the same for a lot of women.
I couldn't tolerate my long term boyfriend much longer and we split for a short while.
You kind of just get this sudden urge to not put up with stuff anymore and voice where you usually wouldn't have done.
It's like an inner strength you didn't know you had and for a woman it can be refreshing.

Indulge in self care is all I can advise my friend. Meditate. Cold water therapy. Forest bathing. Have a groom up (not saying you look like shit or anything..... 😉).

Not sure good luck was a good thing to say lol but I understand why you would have said it

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