Feeling awful all the time

[GinghamSkirt]

Not sure if this is about menopause because I am also neurodivergent - but I think those around my age might be able to relate.

Late 50s, post menopausal, on HRT and anti depressants, also take medication for ADHD.

I work full time but hybrid 3 days at home, 3 in office.

For a good few months now I’ve been feeling ill/mentally low/irritable.

Been having what I think are migraines or cluster headaches and those are quite debilitating in that I feel unwell, achy and wobbly.

I don’t feel like doing anything, ever. At the end of the working day I am physically hurting and mentally wrung out.

I exercise a bit but am finding it hard to get more into my daily routine.

My job is mildly stressful but I really struggle to focus - I’ve had coaching and will be having more soon, which helps a little. I struggle with social overwhelm and can’t do two consecutive days in the office. This part is getting particularly bad .

I’m also very paranoid that my colleagues think I’m slacking, or not paying attention because I forget things quickly and have to ask others about things - I do write things down and try very hard to have systems to compensate for my terrible memory. So all the time I’m talking to colleagues I’m second guessing what they’re thinking and feeling miserable.

I’m wary of my boss - she doesn’t really get the neurodiverse thing and I feel that her attitude towards me has shifted - she now sees me as a problem. We do get on on a superficial level but I don’t feel that she has my back - or at least no more than she has to legally.

Moving jobs is an obvious fix but it would be so incredibly draining and stressful - I just don’t think I have it in me right now.

I can’t afford to go part time, much as I would like to. I’ll be working till 67 at least.

Everyday I fantasise about being signed off sick for a few months, doing yoga and going for long walks, eating healthily. If my GP would do it of course.
I feel so guilty thinking about it, and how much harder it would make things for my colleagues. My boss would hate it and would not understand. And all the problems would still be there when I went back.

Sorry this has become long and self pitying. I’m hoping someone can relate!

I find it hard to talk to anyone about this because it’s all so vague and there are obvious solutions that I just can’t manage at the moment. It’s not getting any better and I keep wondering when I’m just going to crack. Or maybe I won’t and this will be my life till retirement?

All thoughts welcome 🤣

I wonder if your HRT dose needs increasing. Feeling low and irritable can be a sign of low oestrogen

Thanks @Lottapianos- yes maybe the whole thing needs tweaking. I don’t get on with the new type of Utrogestan but my GP and pharmacist basically said it was in my head. Maybe I could try a different combination/dose.
Probably a good idea to only try and fix one area at a time.

Giving this a little bump in case it resonates with anyone.

They said it was in ‘your head’! That’s just awful.
Sadly a lot of GPs aren’t really clued up on menopause although they should be.
Could you ask to see another GP or if the surgery have a menopause trained practitioner? In my surgery this is the Nurse Practitioner, who is very willing to talk through any issues. I would also read around the subject yourself / listen to some podcasts like on the Balance app to be able to feel more confident when you are in the appointment. Good luck.

As previous post mentioned Tweaking HRT , I do believe migraines you are experiencing could be due to hormone imbalance .
if you haven’t already, I recommend the balance app created by Dr Louise Newson. You can ask the same question on there and I’m sure someone will be able to relate to how your feeling and probably have similar experience . The app is a wealth of knowledge and you can record your symptoms and with that knowledge go to you GP armed with what you feel is or would be acceptable treatment.
myself totally get how you feel, it’s so hard to function sometimes and just bloody exhausting. As for neurodivergent,
Im unable to comment however I feel I have some traits .
please be kind to yourself and research,you're symptoms. I personally think since I hit the menopause and like you I’m post, we are a slave to our hormones.
do you have girlfriends you could discuss how your feeling ? Sometimes off loading our thoughts help to know we are not alone when we feel we are struggling. Also does your work company have a menopause policy ? Might be worth looking into that.
all the best and check out the balance app, you wont be disappointed. 💐 some flowers to cheer you up .

Two things @GinghamSkirt
The first is that there has been no change to Utrogestan. The other brand name is Gepritix. It's cheaper for the NHS by a few pence per tablet. It also filled the shortage there was a year or two back when the situation on was dire. The ingredients are the same.

Secondly, you sound as if you need a review . You haven't said what dose of estrogen you're on and what sort? Patches or gel?
Whichever it is, you could ask for a higher dose and try that for 3 months.

@paperthin I think the 'in your head' was the pharmacist's way of saying (hoping they didn't use those actual words!) that although micronised progesterone has 2 brands now, the tablets are the same.

Have you had blood tests? Thyroid b12 iron vitamin d?

Everyday I fantasise about being signed off sick for a few months, doing yoga and going for long walks, eating healthily.

Now the weather is better and days longer, can you do any of that?
Could you join a yoga class or a walking group and walk at weekends?
Can you plan your own healthy eating menu for the week?

Small steps.

Thank you so much for these replies. I’m thinking about all the suggestions and what I can do first.
I’ll come back with proper replies later on.

Maybe last year? I will check on the NHS app. Ok had a look - end of last year. The only borderline result was MCV (at the high end). Haven’t had Vit D tested but I take a supplement every day.