Lovely husband driving me mad

[letsfaceitwhoisnt]

I know I am peri menopausal although GP's have said I'm not after blood test but all the symptoms are there, night sweats, clotting, skin issues, mood problems etc.

I'm wondering if anyone can offer any advice on how to not be annoyed by my husband.

He is honestly the lovliest kindest man ever, he's not doing anything wrong, he shares the load, he's considerate, labour is divided evenly. I find him attractive and like spending time with him. We both have time with friends and hobbies etc. But he is just irrationally driving me insane.

He is doing absolutely nothing and I am trying to not be a horrible person but I am just getting flashes of rage directed at him that are completely nothing to do with him.

Has anyone else had experience with this and how do I get these horrible urges to be annoyed with him to go away. I am certain this is hormonal, I am not an angry person and these feelings have just come completely out of the blue. I don't want to ruin our lovely relationship because of this. I've told him how I'm feeling and that it is in no way his fault but it's so unfair I am being snappy with him for no fault of his own.

Are the flashes of rage predictable? I mean at the same time each month? If so, you might be able to deal with them more successfully. Otherwise I think you and he will need to weather the storm. Others might suggest HRT. I think you should ask your doctor for a blood test to establish that's the issue.

Oestrogen fluctuates hourly so blood tests are pointless to spot perimenopause.

No harm in trying some HRT and seeing if it makes a difference OP, you can always stop if it's not helping. Look up the NICE prescribing guidelines for HRT and go back to the GP armed with that information, night sweats (and therefore disturbed sleep), hot flushes and irrational rage are entirely reasonable grounds for prescribing HRT.

@LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand I've had blood tests and not showing anything, but believe they are not accurate?

@Richandstrange thank you I didn't know I was able to do this. I will look into it thanks so much.

Blood tests can't diagnose perimenopause, so many doctors get this wrong and it's ridiculous. Menopause YES, but peri is diagnosed by symptoms.

The rage is real and HRT will help a lot if you can take it.

NICE Guidelines on menopause care recommend treatment based on symptoms, not on blood tests. You need to go back, maybe try to see a different GP.

Neither you nor your dh is at fault here. The mood swings of menopause can be overwhelming, and the only things that will help are waiting it out (possibly for years, distressing years) or HRT. Taking therapies such as CBT can help a bit, but it won't prevent the mood swings because they are physical, not thought-driven. It will help you forgive yourself for feeling the way you do, and may help you find strategies to protect yourself and your dh from the emotional consequences of the mood swings.

Get back to doc's and push for HRT. What you're describing are definitely menopause symptoms.

Defo try HRT - calmed my irrational anger right down. I get mine from Boots Online and it gets posted to you. They do an online survey and then do a prescription and my costs £44 for 3 months of tablets. It's a good service.

Are you always in a rage? Or is there a specific time when you feel angry? Maybe you can set a calendar schedule on the fridge. You can put a time when you're not angry and a time you're angry. This way your husband will know how to keep a distance from you. Also, practice breathing techniques and meditation to calm your nerves.

Spoken like someone who has never experienced menopausal rage. There really is no rhyme or reason to it.

My Mum many moons ago, when she was at the same stage as you, had flashes of anger towards my Dad (he hadn't done anything wrong!). It got so bad she had to lay on her hands at night, so she didn't hit him (he was only sleeping!). It was at that point she went to the GP, and he put her on HRT. I suggest making a GP appointment, and seeing if you can start HRT.

I was lying in bed last night and my husband was asleep and he just happened to be facing me.

For some reason this drove me insane and I had to prod him so he turned over.

Like yours, my husband is amazing. He's kind, funny, supportive, good looking. And I sometimes hate myself for feeling so irritated by him

I'm not taking HRT and I'm 53 so I'm well aware this is totally hormonal and that I'm in late perimenopause. I don't rule out HRT but not just yet

As to what I've done about it ... I've told my husband how I feel! I've explained that sometimes I literally want to punch him and we've laughed about it tbh. I try hard not to snap at him because I'm not a slave to my hormones and I can control it , even if I seethe inside. And of course it's not all the time but err maybe half the time

He's understanding and supportive and gives me the space I need and I'm not so bad that I'm making his life a misery or anything but right now, I need him to be understanding as I go through these years and he is.

In sickness and in health remember (not that menopause is a sickness!) and for better and for worse. You'd support him through such a huge life change so don't feel guilty for needing to have some support as you navigate this

The Rage is a meno thing.
It's very hard to stay calm during a Rage because you could go totally mental with anger. And you can't help how you feel. Naught to 60 in two seconds.
Mine is better as Im getting older. But it's a horrible feeling when it hits you just out of the blue for no apparent reason.

Meditation helps me