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Menopause

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Original poster

Peri menopause and husband issues

31 replies

MumOf3kids85 · 31/01/2025 08:33

I need some urgent advice as my marriage nearly ended 2week ago, I’m at a loss and starting to dislike my husband!!!
I am 39 years old and been struggling this last 14 months mainly with peri menopause symptoms. I saw the GP last year after nearly having a damn breakdown and they started me HRT (fsh levels higher than should be)then three month later a lady doc took me off the HRT due to weight gain (despite this starting before being on hrt) and upped my antidepressant as they put me on these at same time. Yesterday after constant visits and two new fsh levels of 39.7 being abnormal I’ve been put back on the HRT.
The main symptom that’s causing me issues is that my husband blew up the other week because we don’t have sex often around 2-3 times per week, we both work me part time mornings him all day, that I’m not touchy feely anymore. He knows what and how I’m feeling and even sees the issues during sex such as having issues with being dry as a bloody dessert and tired all time, but he said he understands but he misses it CUT A LONG STORY SHORT HE SAID HE DONT GET SEX ENOUGH AND HE CANT HELP IT HE LOVED IT. This caused a massive argument and it literally was a close call to end things. We agreed try do more things just us go walks etc do stuff together but I never once mention sex will increase as I already told him I can’t help how I feel and it’s hard too for my sex drive to drop so low when it was high, had mental impact on me.
so roll on 2 weeks later and all he’s done is make hints at sex!!! It’s really peering me off!!! If he’s tired or not well it’s fine to go sleep but if not he expects sex and if I don’t initiate it I hear it in his voice he is shitty n now it’s started in the morning!!
we use the good old nookie term, so for example alarm goes off at 6 this morning for work and I said it’s that time already and his reply was “what ,time for nookie “(said in a shitty voice) I didn’t even reply as he has said this every day this week and he got up got dressed huffing n puffing. During the day/evening he bangs on hints about sex, don’t get me wrong I engage n touch/feel like cuddles, walk past swipe his ass and kiss him and engage in our jokey comments on sex but he is just constantly talking about it, like I understand completely where he is coming from and it is frustrating for me and it’s making me feel so down and crap because he’s not happy.
we were watching tv last week, think it was 24hours in A&E(felt like I needed go get booked in A&E for a break) and our 16 year old son had his gf stay over and my husband said our son gets more sex than I do! And he was all shitty cause he had his gf staying!! I had ago and said that’s out of order and he said well it’s sad ain’t it.
like wtaf am I supposed to do he’s peeling me off, I honestly am starting to now not want sex with him at all because he’s constantly turning conversations about sex, anything I say it’s turned about sex, constant constant hinting at sex and getting shitty about sex but it’s ok when he’s not feeling it!!! Like am I wrong should I force my self to be awake and have energy(any advice on this too cause I have non and someone stole my mojo).
I’m 39 never expected all this any time soon and it’s going to break my marriage of 13 years!!

please feel free ask any questions

OP posts:
Original poster
MumOf3kids85 · 09/02/2025 08:27

upmost00suport · 08/02/2025 23:48

My missis is going thru this nasty menopause sh1t,, we, before all this started was at it all the time at every opportunity and also lots of innuendos,,,,,the last major session, my woman commented on how her inside jacky danny felt a bit unusual from the norm, Ive read ALL about it previous and knew what was happening and told her, she was a little shocked that I knew

From then about 8 months ago, its been non existent, me being me as still fancying her like f00k is dying to shag her but I understand what shes going thru and if she's lost that urge then I'll just have to wait, its proper frustrating in more ways then one but hopefully with respect and patience there's light at the end of the tunnel, shes worth wait

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Thank you for commenting and thank you as a man commenting means a lot to see from males point of view. Love how you describe things with humour too makes it easier to read. Respect to you for reading up on it all. I completely understand the frustration your side as with my partner, just seems like he can’t do the wait and patient and it is all about what he wants. We nearly ended marriage because of sex alone despite him knowing how bad it’s been for me (as in original post) agree to give it ago and spend more time doing things together try full that gap of closeness but he’s full on everything I say turns it sexual, seems to gone into overdrive and expecting sex every night/day hinting, trying for hole in one opportunity or ago on lotto for a win! Don’t know why he thinks it’s going change this Mother Nature biatch spell, she’s here she ain’t going anywhere unless these patches work.
im just left with frustration and upset as I can’t help how I’m feeling and obviously he hasn’t done his research despite me sending him links to stuff.

greatly appreciate you taking the time to comment

OP posts:
LoyalSwan · 14/02/2025 16:21

MumOf3kids85 · 31/01/2025 09:59

MEN PLEASE COMMENT:opinions, thoughts, point of view from man’s side welcome too!!

Hi, I know this was a couple of weeks ago but thought I’d reply anyway. 50 year old man here. My wife is also 50 and in the last 7 years has been through breast cancer and medically induced menopause, which has left her with zero hormones (and I mean zero) and therefore zero sex drive. She said that she’d be happy to never have sex again! If I’m honest it’s been a constant cause of stress between us. Men are built to reproduce forever unfortunately, but women aren’t of course. I have struggled with the fact that my wife doesn’t want me physically, but I still want her. To me she’s still gorgeous. It’s not her fault of course, but it does feel like a rejection. In your case your H is just used to 3 times a week (which is probably normal at your age), but he’s going to have to get his head around the fact that you may not want to all the time. It really is a difficult thing to get used to as a man and no sex will cause frustration and eventually resentment. It’s really a case of finding some middle ground, that works for both of you and that will mean compromise and that your H may go weeks without anything. It’s just a fact of life unfortunately and as couples we all need to be reasonable and work through it (and I say this having not been reasonable myself at times).

Original poster
MumOf3kids85 · 14/02/2025 18:35

LoyalSwan · 14/02/2025 16:21

Hi, I know this was a couple of weeks ago but thought I’d reply anyway. 50 year old man here. My wife is also 50 and in the last 7 years has been through breast cancer and medically induced menopause, which has left her with zero hormones (and I mean zero) and therefore zero sex drive. She said that she’d be happy to never have sex again! If I’m honest it’s been a constant cause of stress between us. Men are built to reproduce forever unfortunately, but women aren’t of course. I have struggled with the fact that my wife doesn’t want me physically, but I still want her. To me she’s still gorgeous. It’s not her fault of course, but it does feel like a rejection. In your case your H is just used to 3 times a week (which is probably normal at your age), but he’s going to have to get his head around the fact that you may not want to all the time. It really is a difficult thing to get used to as a man and no sex will cause frustration and eventually resentment. It’s really a case of finding some middle ground, that works for both of you and that will mean compromise and that your H may go weeks without anything. It’s just a fact of life unfortunately and as couples we all need to be reasonable and work through it (and I say this having not been reasonable myself at times).

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Hi thank you so much for commenting I greatly appreciate you giving your thoughts from male perspective. I can see and understand it must be hard situation (no pun intended at all, before someone says it) and must take its toll on u both especially going to zero.
my husband never had issue with 2-3 times a week and to be honest it’s minimum of twice my issue mainly is I’ve come to realise that since he knows how I feel and how I’ve been feeling physically he’s gone into some over drive of wanting sex, like I’ve actually looked back and it’s not changed as such except for I’m exhausted and not feeling the want as much as I use too, when I mean this last two weeks now are constantly I can not have a single conversation without him bringing some sec comment into it then makes out he’s joking, I am not exaggerating it either!! Unfortunately that time of the month this week (I’m not being bitchy ) and again constantly making comment and even trying it on then for a quick bj lol god help me when it does stop completely. It’s like he’s gone to the opposite and overdrive mode, no matter what I say he’s just not listening or understanding.

OP posts:
LoyalSwan · 14/02/2025 20:45

MumOf3kids85 · 14/02/2025 18:35

Hi thank you so much for commenting I greatly appreciate you giving your thoughts from male perspective. I can see and understand it must be hard situation (no pun intended at all, before someone says it) and must take its toll on u both especially going to zero.
my husband never had issue with 2-3 times a week and to be honest it’s minimum of twice my issue mainly is I’ve come to realise that since he knows how I feel and how I’ve been feeling physically he’s gone into some over drive of wanting sex, like I’ve actually looked back and it’s not changed as such except for I’m exhausted and not feeling the want as much as I use too, when I mean this last two weeks now are constantly I can not have a single conversation without him bringing some sec comment into it then makes out he’s joking, I am not exaggerating it either!! Unfortunately that time of the month this week (I’m not being bitchy ) and again constantly making comment and even trying it on then for a quick bj lol god help me when it does stop completely. It’s like he’s gone to the opposite and overdrive mode, no matter what I say he’s just not listening or understanding.

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I can honestly see that coming to a head at some point i.e. you will need to feel more valued than just someone to meet his every need! I could justify his behaviour on his behalf… it’s the way we’re made etc but it honestly sounds like he’s being a bit unfair on you. He’s in for a shock when you get to full blown menopause! The problem with having sex (especially for a man), is that the more you have, the more you want! I wish you all the best x

Original poster
MumOf3kids85 · 14/02/2025 21:38

LoyalSwan · 14/02/2025 20:45

I can honestly see that coming to a head at some point i.e. you will need to feel more valued than just someone to meet his every need! I could justify his behaviour on his behalf… it’s the way we’re made etc but it honestly sounds like he’s being a bit unfair on you. He’s in for a shock when you get to full blown menopause! The problem with having sex (especially for a man), is that the more you have, the more you want! I wish you all the best x

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Do men not get the alternative of menopause lol I’m hoping with HRT it helps. I’m 39 too young for this crap. Yes it’s going come to a head if he can’t help and deal with it, it’s frustrating too cause when he’s unwell, tired or exhausted it’s fine he goes sleep no issue but opposite it’s different! I get it he wants sec finds me attractive n all that, he always compliments me but lacks empathy and understanding.
thank you for your time though really is appreciated. Good luck yourself.

OP posts:
LoyalSwan · 15/02/2025 22:45

Yes 39 is young to start all this.

Do men not get the alternative of menopause… we do of sorts actually (declining testosterone, memory loss, mood swings)… to what extent really depends on the person, general health etc. In my case I’ve got the memory loss and wife would definitely say I’m pain in the arse at times lol, but no unfortunately sex drive is literally no different to what it was 20 years ago! I sort of wish mine matched my wife’s, but unfortunately not!

But seriously no we don’t go through anything like what you lovely ladies have to go through. My wife has been to hell and back with a catalogue of things and I wish I knew 10 years ago what I know now. I was quite ignorant tbh in relation to all of it and probably not supportive enough at times. I like to think I’m a bit more understanding now though, but you’d have to ask the wife lol

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