Perimenopausal lonely 50 year old

[Heidiandwillow321]

I’ve just turned 50 and my daughters are 28 and 23 , no longer live at home.
my DH works lots of hours so I find myself alone a lot and on my own.
Ive tried joining social groups locally but there are waiting lists (which I’m on).

it’s like I suddenly found myself on my own and now I actually have time to socialise I’ve no one to do it with. It feels very depressing.

my insomnia doesn’t help as if I have a bad night I struggle to get up next day or like a zombie and that would take a very understanding friend if I was cancelling every 2 minutes.

Does anyone else feel like this?

I'm surprised that the social groups have a waiting list? What sort of groups are you looking to join?

U3A and Meet-Up are really good social groups with loads of different sections - something for everyone.

Can you tackle your insomnia? See your GP about medication? Join a gym and doing some gentle exercise 3 x a week?

Lastly, don't cancel a night out with a friend just because you're tired. Go and have a 30 minute lie down to re-charge your batteries and then go. It'll at least help you sleep that night - as you'll be even more tired.

No-one likes someone who cancels all the time - is that whats been happening?

Hi, I totally get how you feel. Starting to have some time to be able to socialise, but have noone to actually socialise with. Have lost all confidence, so feel too anxious to try groups. It’s lonely.

I just wanted to say that I was in exactly this situation about 3 years ago after being widowed. I signed up to a couple of groups that met in real life. Then I totally lost the nerve to go to any meet-ups. But my daughter convinced me to go along, and I’m so glad I did. I now have a couple of separate groups of friends to go out with and have fun. Honestly, it’s scary, but please make the effort. It’s so worthwhile. Good luck.

Yes. Sometimes I actually have no sleep at all for up to 2 nights then struggle to function.
I’ve been to the GP endless times over the past 5 years but there is little they can do to help and I’ve tried everything.

The problem is also, we relocated about 4 years ago but I’ve not really made new friends to go out with, only acquaintances. It’s a small town and the groups are very popular so there are waiting lists and some are expensive.
I am going to try to find a group somewhere though.

I think I’ve also list confidence too which worsens the situation. I feel like I’m outside of the window looking in on other people living their lives, and I feel sad.
thanks so much for answering my message x

You poor thing. I had insomnia sometimes when younger and it was awful. I sleep better than ever these days (late 50s) and the very rare bad night reminds me of how bad it was.

Do keep trying with groups or a gym or some volunteering (I've made friends through both in my 50s) or something that you like - you will rebuild your confidence.

You might want to think about HRT.

Insomnia is a huge issue in peri and post menopause.
Have you other symptoms as well? You mention going to the GP so I'm wondering if your other symptoms are all from loss of estrogen but your GP isn't joining the dots.
Where are you with periods and other issues like hot flushes?

You've not said if you work at all. If not are you looking?

If you don't or only part time why not think about volunteering? It's a great way to meet people. Your local council will have an online list of volunteering opportunities or even local charity shops who always want staff.

I'm not sure why there are waiting lists for groups. The only ones near me that have a waiting list are book clubs, but there are so many around there will be one that has spaces.

As others have suggested, look at MeetUp for things going on, or the rambler group, or any other clubs and classes- yoga, Pilates, Zumba- all ways to meet people.

Could you get a bit creative with this situation? The social groups in your town have waiting lists, so there must be others in your position. How about creating a new group? Anything you like: a book club, walking group, tennis, bridge, chess, scrabble, ludo, afternoon tea, meditation - whatever. Then advertise it on Facebook or whatever and see if anyone wants to join you.

I was also going to suggest you create your own. I am fascinated that there are waiting lists. Round here it's hard to get people to go out - and to be honest I thought that was replicated around the country. I have talked about this a lot on here so I won't repeat myself.

tempted to move to wherever you live though!

Good luck, OP!

I'm in a similar situation and there absolutely are groups with waiting lists. This lot are one example: https://theartssociety.org/

Great in-person local talks but I've been on waiting lists, waiting lists with Zoom alternatives, 'can you do morning or afternoon talks', etc. over the years. Because they're great. Sign up and fingers crossed. 😀

@CrystalSingerFan I was thinking of the purely social groups. They didn't have much interest in my part of London when I lived there and now I've left London, it's a similar story.

@Heidiandwillow321 did you mean waiting lists for purely social groups? I can see with activity groups, or interest groups, it would be different. There was a two year waiting list on a local silversmithing class when I was in London.

Has the GP not thought to look into / prescribe HRT for your poor sleep? Lack of adequate sleep will definitely be having an adverse affect on your mood; it's amazing what a good nights sleep does for mind and soul.

How about joining a weekly yoga or pilates class as a start? Or a small gym?

It's a tough phase of life when your children leave home, be gentle with yourself.