Sensitivities and anxiety

[JamJarJane]

I'm at my wits end and hoping someone can help.

I'm 48 and on HRT which has helped with hot flushes, insomnia and the worst of the mood swings. But I have developed so many other problems. I have terrible misophonia that is affecting my relationships. I have developed a lot of disgust about things like picking up my dog's poo or the sight of ketchup on a child's face. I have begun to hate driving and it just feels so stressful and scary. I have developed an intolerance to alcohol - it upsets my stomach for days. (I have stopped drinking). But the worst thing is that I feel very awkward around people I don't know well and often feel they must think I am very strange. I come home and ruminate over these conversations. It's as if I can't remember how to behave in a normal, sociable way and forget the most basic of skills, like saying hello to everyone in a group and not just one person. I feel like a bundle of exposed nerves as soon as I step outdoors. I wake up every morning and feel huge surges of anxiety in my stomach but by evening I usually feel a lot better.

All these symptoms are there constantly but are much worse in the two weeks before my period.

For context, I'm a lone parent with two teens with mild SEN at home and all the stress that brings. I work part time in a job I love once I've fought through school runs and traffic to get there. I don't really need to work but I feel I should for a few more years, and I'm worried if I give it up then I'll be making my life very small and lonely and anxiety will have won.

Has anyone else experienced any of these sorts of symptoms and found any relief with any medications or lifestyle changes? Or have you upended your entire life (retired to the countryside??) to be able to cope with the symptoms, and if so was it helpful? Thank you.

I think it’s common for anxiety to ramp up around menopause. It may be worse because you still have a cycle and therefore it sounds like it’s worse at specific times? Perhaps when menopause arrives and you no longer have periods, things will settle.
Since you are already on HRT, is it worth asking your GP for a referral for CBT which has been known to mitigate some of these symptoms? (Or maybe your HRT dose needs changing?)
One other thing that might be worth looking into is neurodivergence- if your kids are SEN, is it possible you have something similar? Again, common for it to be missed in women and to come through in later years. Is it possible you have been masking and coping tick now and menopause is wrecking your usual strategies?
Other than that I can only suggest loads of exercise, which helps burn off anxiety for me. Walking and being outdoors helps loads.

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I cannot wait for it all to be over!

One of my DC has ASD. I have wondered if I might have it but how is it possible that I could have functioned so well as a working parent until perimenopause if that was the case? I struggled with emotional regulation as a teen/young person but other than that I've had no signs of neurodiversity until all this. If I was masking then I was also masking from myself and doing it very well!

I think I will see the GP. Any other ideas, anyone? 🙏

I feel for you as I have I’ve experienced lots of this. I’d get up each morning with what I inarticulately described as ‘bad nerves’, feeling very anxious and fed up. I hated driving and social situations and developed an irrational fear of being late for appointments and also hated noisey environments. I would frequently burst into tears.

I found upping my HRT helped. I have also found fresh air, watching /walking in nature, exercise helpful. I have also started focussing on the pleasure in little things I enjoy and lowering my expected self-standards (declining invites to work socials/things I don’t enjoy, not doing so much housework/ making easy dinners sometimes). Just slowing down and stepping back from life as a performance!

I find alcohol makes things worse but I see you’ve given that up anyway. Best of luck.

Thank you @iamyourequal . It's good to hear that it has helped you to step back from things and slow down. I feel that's what I want to do but I wondered if it would feed the anxiety and end up making things worse. It's interesting you say about the fear of being late - I have this too, and a hatred of rushing. Mornings are awful.