I hit the perimenopause severely about 4 years ago and the last year particularly has been horrendous. Lots of physical symptoms but the worst has been absolute 1-100 in 2 seconds 'rage' and literally wanting to destroy myself and everything around me. The self loathing of hurting someone who is your world is undescribable.
Then the horror, shame, regret and guilt afterwards. My partner of five years mainly picked up the brunt of this and I thought I was losing my mind. I finished our relationship in July as I felt so low and felt he deserved better. It was terribly cruel and selfish of me to behave in this way and I know I caused him almost insufferable hurt.
Roll forward a few months when I finally started taking the right HRT and it has honestly transformed me back to the calm, happy, optimistic person I once was. The transformation has given me my body and mind back and I realise I am extremely lucky, although its been a long journey getting the HRT tailored correctly along with CBT.
I recently reached out to my ex with a full explanation (now I can look at things rationally) and profoundly apologised for the hurt that I caused and told him I love him with all my heart. He told me had recently started dating someone.
I am utterly devastated that I caused so much pain and destroyed the best thing in my life. Where do go now? x