Please help

[ShadesOfPemberley]

I can’t face feeling like this all the time.

I feel such a wreck. Mentally and physically.

Mentally I am so so low 2 weeks out of every month, sometimes a bit more. No energy. No joy in anything. Just like an old wrung out dishcloth. And/or I am snappy and irritable, or will fly into a rage with my family, totally without warning. It’ll just be some tiny thing that happens and suddenly I’m yelling. I always apologise but I feel even more miserable and hopeless after.

I have zero libido. I mean ZERO. EVER.

my sleep is disrupted. I wake at 1 or 2am almost every night in the 2 weeks before my period. Then I just lie awake worrying.

I have badly hurt my back which has reminded me I have never resolved abdominal separation from pregnancy 12 bloody years ago. Started to see a physio but I’m in pain with my back a lot, the exercises aren’t helping yet. She is women’s health physio so I’m hoping it will help but it’s early days and my core needs a lot of fixing. I feel like I am shuffling about like an old woman, physically and mentally washed up. I am 48, for context, not old!!!!

I have high BP (genetic; am not overweight shd have never smoked) and have long-standing IBS (constipation variety) that causes real misery. Hormone hell makes that worse.

I am waiting for an appt in 2 months time with menopause clinic, GP was helpful and referred me as we don’t know if I can take HRT or not. I have another long standing hormone condition which means we are unsure. If I can’t take it I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should try an anti depressant? I don’t know how to make anything better. I have lost myself.

I try to exercise (that’s how I hurt my back), I try to eat well. Have cut out alcohol and cut down sugar/caffeine.

I do have good friends I can talk to but I can’t reveal to any of them quite how despairing I feel. I feel ashamed of making such a pigs ear of my life and ashamed for having bad health.

DH having terrible work stress so we barely see each other. He is a lovely H in almost all other ways but has never ever understood anything related to hormones/mood swings. I have sort of given up trying to explain to him how unlike ‘me’ I feel. He just doesn’t get it.

i don’t know why I’m posting except to try to find a way to say how awful I feel. I feel scared of never feeling myself again. Tired and scared.

Anyone who reads this, is any of this solvable? I don’t know where to start. I feel like I’m trying but failing.

Sorry for just posting a long list of miserable things. Thanks for reading, if you got this far!!

that should be AND have never smoked… it looks like I said SHOULD (shd) have never smoked! Typo… I repeat, I’m a lifelong NON smoker!!

I didn't want to read and run - but solidarity @ShadesOfPemberley. I can relate to the dishrag thing (I'm 50). I really hope that you can get HRT as it's truly been a gamechanger for me. Though due to supply issues I've been without for 3 weeks, and the red mist has been returning with a vengeance! DH came within a gnat's of being offed due to standing in the wrong place earlier...

Oh thank you mogger 🙏 it helps to hear I’m not alone (because I do feel very alone!!) Glad to hear you didn’t off your DH, mine almost got offsd earlier for not putting a tea towel in the drawer… hope you get your supply up and running asap x

I sympathise with the back pain too (mine's due to surgery for a herniated disc, and the vertebraehave basicallygone a bit manky). Can you walk without too much pain? I find if I keep walking a bit every day then mine is manageable, and it helps my mood too.

Def worth trying an anti depressant - why not? It’s good that the doctors not trying to fob you off with them - so you’ll get hormone options properly looked at. Might at least relieve some of the symptoms.

are you also just generally under a lot of stress? Can you cut some things out of your life?

my experience is there’s many solutions rather than one

I’m so sorry you are feeling like this, and recognise a lot of what you have described about the lack of joy and just not feeling like you. I was just the same going through the menopause and it was really hard, soulless work to keep going for a while. The good news is that it passes. Or it did for me anyway. I’m back to my old self now the raging hormones have settled and I feel absolutely fine again. I wish I’d known for sure when I was going through it that it was definitely just a phase and not the new forever me. You will get through it! And in the meantime, try to be kind to yourself xx

Not easy

Is it the progesterone weeks you feel worse (exhausted)? I get this on my initial progesterone days every month.

Whilst waiting for the HRT verdict I would try

Magnesium
High strength VitD
Starflower

Lots of water and keep doing whatever movement your back will allow.

Thanks so much everyone.

2024onwards yes I am generally under a lot of stress. DH is having a lot of uncertainty at work, we don’t know how things are going to pan out. My own work (freelance) has been in a dip for a while too. Hard not to worry but I do just try to keep plodding on, no point getting too alarmed for now. I’m also having a way longer commute than I used to for a new project I started in August, travelling thru stressful busy traffic which I just hate. Can’t do anything about that for now…

enough4me I don’t think it’s progesterone dats, those are mid cycle right…? The worst is the week right before my period but the week before that is getting harder these days too. It feels like I have appalling PMT at least 14 days out of 28!

fusionchef thanks for the supplement suggestions, I will try all 3. I already take vit D now I think about it.

biscuit thank you and glad it eventually passed for you! That helps x

I agree with trying Magnesium. It’s been a game changer for me with mood swings.

If you don't want to wait 2 months for the NHS meno clinic have you thought about seeing a consultant privately? I appreciate cost may be an issue but you'd been seen far sooner (maybe within days) and if you chose someone very good they may be more qualified and experienced than a meno clinic. (I've seen posts on forums where meno clinics have given women out of date advice.)

There are very few conditions that make HRT contraindicated. Could your GP find out the answer anyway by discussing it with more experienced colleagues or researching it, without you needing to wait 2 months? There is a lot of online guidance for GPs on HRT and lists of absolute no-nos, so have they done any research?
What is the hormone condition?

I would also suggest magnesium esp magnesium glycinate before bed to help relax the body. There is also a supplement called 5HTP which raises serotonin levels and can have a positive impact on sleep. A weighted blanket can also help with sleep disruptions, they are proven to calm the nervous system. I also take flaxseed oil capsules.

Many women are treated with antidepressants during this phase of life and for me it was massively helpful.

@Hillsmakeyoustrong ADs
They aren't recommended now except as a last resort after HRT. GPs are advised not to prescribe unless there is long term existing depression (NICE guidance.)

I also sleep better with heavy covers (not actually got a weighted blanket).

@JinglingSpringbells thankyou. I wasn't aware.

@ShadesOfPemberley There is a GP guide online which sets out all the contraindications.

JinglingSpring thank you so much. I think I could possibly just about consider a private visit. Cost wise it depends. I’m in london. I know there are lots of meno specialist GPs you can se privately. But are you meaning a private endocrinology consultant? Or are there meno specialist consultants? Sorry to be so clueless!! Any advice or specific recommendations would be amazing. I can look into cost then and see what I can do. I do have private cover but assume this won’t be covered.

The best thing to do is look at the British Menopause Society website and they have a list of all specialists by area. Usually, they are consultant gynecologists who have 'menopause' as one of their specialist areas and they work privately in the main private hospitals in London. There is also a BUPA meno scheme that's a set fee but I'm not sure if they are mainly GPs on that or consultants.

Most first appts are around £250-£300 and you'd normally get 45 mins to an hour. Insurance will cover gynae stuff but not menopause specifically. So if someone wanted to see a gynae for heavy periods, or anything like that, they'd usually pay for the consultation for heavy periods, but not for ongoing meno treatment.

I didn’t want to read and run but within months if turning 50 I stopped sleeping, had nights sweats, no energy, mood swings, crippling anxiety etc Eventually I went on HRT and it helped me so much. I’m still on it 9 years later! Do some homework and go
to GP armed with info - in my experience they’ll try and fob you off but don’t let them.