Anyone else think it’ll be easier when it’s all over?

[Jfcatwd]

I’ll preface this by saying I’m not suicidal and have no desire to do anything silly.
I’m just fucking sick of the same thing old. I take little pleasure in anything.
Im 51, still bleeding every month like clockwork. I’m very low dose HRT (one pump every other day or so - any more and I get jittery and lightheaded) plus continuous 100mg progesterone- GP says it’s fine to take it this way as it helps me sleep and reduces anxiety.
im just fed up with the same life, day in days out. Work is manic and stressful and quite frankly after 33 years of it I’ve had enough.
DH is lovely and kind but 8 years older and is also tired of working. We have lovely holidays, have a beautiful home and no money worries. 2 successful adult children, one still at home so why do I feel so flat?
Im short, fat, dumpy, can’t be arsed with clothes, makeup or nights out etc.
its just work, fall into bed as im so knackered and spend the weekend catching up.
just had a recent week abroad and felt out of sorts and low level anxious the whole time - I just don’t get joy from anything any more it’s like im looking in from the outside. I’m just emotionless at everything, just want to be left alone.
don’t say to increase the oestrogen as I feel dreadful with my own fluctuations and around ovulation the I’m unwell.
just fed up. It will be easier when I don’t exist any more, don’t have to feel anything then.

I was like this and then went on evorel patches. Made me much happier.

Can you get another job? Drop a day? Do something different?

What is the pension situation? Savings? Can you afford to retire early?

I’ve tried Everol 25 patches, after a week I’m jaw clenching, tearful, swimming head and feel atrocious.

All i can think is that my own hormone levels must be fluctuating wildly, around ovulation I’m very very anxious,, depressed almost, I get uncontrollable diarrhoea or GERD around this time - I just feel appalling. Adding the oestrogen to this makes me even worse.

Ideal would be to stop work but I know I’d have awful habits and would sink even further into a malaise. Just have to keep plodding I guess.

We have some savings (probably about 18 months of my salary). Both have private pensions but it’s far too early for me to retire. Life is expensive in general and we do like a few holidays / short breaks a year. We like not having to worry when the car breaks or we need money for something. DD, 21 still lives at home too but we’re not charging rent as she’s saving hard for her own place.

It sounds like your life is actually lovely outside of work, with lots of holidays and things to look forward to, a comfortable home, a happy family and a lot of material comforts. The two issues are menopause, which you're having a rough time with, and the fact that you feel burnt out and fed up with working.

Have you spoken to your GP about the various issues you're having? Could you ask to be referred to a menopause specialist who may have some different ideas about either supplements you could take or other ways you could manage your menopause to give you some relief? I know some women are very sensitive to oestrogen and have horrible symptoms when they take it, so you probably need to speak to someone who is very knowledgeable and specialises in menopause.

As for your job - you say you can't afford to stop work, but could you change your job, reduce your hours, go PT - at least temporarily, take a different, less demanding role, or does your organisation have a policy in place for women who are having a hard time with menopause? I know some companies do now. My old company had all the company policies on the work intranet.

I’m not trying to discount what you are going through—it’s very difficult struggling with mental health—but compared with most of the world, it sounds like you have an awful lot to be grateful for; loving DH, successful grown up kids, beautiful home, lovely holidays, no money worries. Try and focus on the positives? You are a very fortunate person.
If you are fed up with work maybe think about doing something different?
I wish you all the best and hope you can get through this difficult time and find some peace.

PS: the way you're feeling - low, anxious, cba about anything, depressed, etc - is all quite normal for menopause. If you can't take more HRT (I'm a similar age to you and I'm on three pumps of oestrogen a day - I would almost certainly feel as you do if I wasn't), would you consider trying an anti-depressant? That might really help.

I’m sorry, I know I have lots to be thankful for but I’m just not feeling it. I can’t understand what’s the matter with me!
I need to go back to my GP, just lay it all out. Can’t do much about work, I’ve taken a promotion within the last few months so I need to keep at that, they’ll be so disappointed in me otherwise. There is a menopause policy but it would be awful if I suddenly started needing to use that, my young male manager would be really pissed off im sure.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this - I feel much the same but have not been able to get hrt so not sure it would make a difference. I just feel that I am at the bottom of a big hole and can't even imagine things getting better. My one hope is that people tell me things get better post menopause. Fingers crossed!

You sound depressed, and no matter what’s causing that, you deserve care and treatment.

An antidepressant might help.

How’s your self-care generally?

Sounds to me like you are looking at your life from the outside and no matter how good it looks objectively, it’s not working for you. And you’re allowed to feel like that. Be aware, though, that it’s not wise to make big decisions in a depressed state.

Personally I’d say see the GP again and if necessary go private, use that menopause policy, start building as much self-care as you can into your life. All the basics like diet, exercise, sleep, fresh air + time and treats for your wellbeing. You and your time are valuable. Throw some money at your life, whether that’s a cleaner, a personal trainer, a personal shopper, massage, acupuncture, meal delivery, whatever you need. This will pass.

What do you do for you?

my late 40s, early 50s were shit. I didn’t know perimenopause was a thing.

dc were quite needy I started scuba as they can’t call you underwater.

now I’m a huge advocate for cold water swimming, the impact it has on menopause symptoms and mental health is incredible. (Don’t start until about may now unless you already do, it’s too cold for a beginner you need to be able to enjoy it and at 12 degrees which is where we’re at now you need a level of bravery if it’s your first time.)

things definitely do get better post menopause I promise.

If you're in a workplace where you have policies for specific purposes but can't use them due to manager attitudes, then that's sounding pretty toxic to me. You're probably burnt out which can feel a lot like depression (constantly feeling overwhelmed, no enjoyment in other things).

There is nothing wrong with saying this promotion has not worked out, for whatever reasons. That's just part of work life sometimes and your organisation needs to recognise this. Do not worry about letting others down, your own health and well-being is more important.

If possible you could look for part time work, it makes a huge difference.

Also if you are not getting on with HRT, you could look at Wendy Sweet's programme. It's amazing but it's also a massive amount of information which can also be overwhelming. But she has natural solutions which do work and so much evidence-based information about healthy ageing.

www.mymenopausetransformation.com/meet-wendy-sweet/

Thanks all. I don’t do a lot for myself, I definitely need to get a hobby or something that takes me out of the house.
I’ve been saying for months that I’d like to join a local choir as I find singing very uplifting. Just need to push past the apathy as I’m sure I’d enjoy it.

Sounds like work is exhausting and then added to that a promotion on top is probably adding to the stress. Do you skip breaks and work more hours than required?

Also to add how unfair it seems that all this happens just as many women finally have time after DCs to focus on themselves and their careers.

Do you think you might have any iron or Vit D or B12 deficiency or thyroid issues alongside menopause?

I’ve been similar @Jfcatwd 2 Christmas’s ago I’d lie in bed every morning feeling I’d gladly just pass away in my sleep.
You need to make changes to improve your life even though you feel you can’t be bothered. I can recommend the following:

Drop a day at work. You have the right to ask for this and don’t assume it will be badly received. At our age it’s half expected.
Take up an activity that gets you out of the house.
Spend a little more time on yourself generally and drop some chores and things you hate to do.
Be more receptive to increasing oestrogen. The dose you are on is so low it’s virtually nil.
Your own oestrogen levels are going to be fluctuating regardless and the vast majority in peri suffer worst from the dips not the highs.

Please try the above. I’ve found none work a miracle but I now have far more better days than bad. best of luck!

I know it's easy to say but I do think you should try to increase the estrogen.

HRT is a tiny dose compared to our own so it's never going to replace it 100%. Using it on alternate days or less is going to completely upset your system and you may as well not use it at all. It shouldn't give you symptoms on such a tiny dose especially as it's body-identical.

What you should try is one pump a day for at least 3 months - that's medical guidance (the 3 month trial.) If that feels too much then do half a pump every day. One week on a patch is not a true trial or giving your body time to get used to it.

One pump.of gel every other day or so is not helping anything, believe me. It's a pretty insignificant dose.