Controlling?

[DustyLee123]

I feel like I’ve become controlling in peri but I can’t work out if it’s a symptom, or if it’s because I used to run the kids lives and do some life admin for my working DH, whereas now the kids are adults and DH is retired, and that part of me is still looking for a job to do. Like my mind still needs to organise everything.
Anyone recognise this?

Anxiety can often drive controlling behaviour as we feel that we could cope if only others would do what we want them to do (ie put their shit in the dishwasher, the neighbours stop making so much noise, my DH stopping breathing in that irritating way to 🙄🤣)

Does that feel like it might be part of what you are finding? Anxiety and irritating are common peri symptoms

Possibly. HRT hasn’t touched this unfortunately.

My anxiety returning seems to be one of the signs that my oestrogen is low. Has your HRT been reviewed recently?

No, it’s never been reviewed but I don’t want to increase it, I only planned on being on it for 5 years.

But what's the point in taking it if it isn't controlling your symptoms? Why don't you want to increase it?

Because, as I said, I don’t want to be on hormones for ever.
Im 54, I should be ‘post’ menopause by now, but can’t tell due to a Mirena coil.

It's a common myth that menopause symptoms go away after a period of time. You will never get those hormones back naturally. You might as well not take it at all if it's not controlling your symptoms.

Controlling behaviour comes from anxiety. Anxiety is common in menopause it just gets creative as my friend says.

Have a chat with a menopause clinic to see if there's anything that may assist. It doesn't have to be hormonal if you don't want it. NLP, CBT treatment can be helpful, these are types of talking therapies that can help you notice the behaviour and correct it.

Controlling people often have an aspect of their life which feels out of control. So they over compensate and try and control what they can .

OP, if you can work out what the out of control aspect is, you could maybe create a strategy to cope with it better.

Thanks for this. There are a couple of things out of my control, to do with DH and DD, so perhaps that’s where this is coming from. Plus, I feel controlled by their actions.