It's not fair

[Nightprayer]

Am 42 and for the last two years have had brutal anxiety. Always been anxious but this obsessive, panicky state I've been in....tried hrt and the oestrogel made me feel amazing, until after a month I'd put on ten pounds and was near suicidal on the utrogestan. GP (who is the women's health person in the clinic) just said, Well you don't have to take it. Literally thought about ending it this weekend. But I have a son. Was so anxious this weekend I couldn't play with him, just cuddled up and watched movies.
Taking multivitamins, iron, magnesium, ashwaganda, b6, vitd, evening primrose, l theanine....
This is going to bloody kill me.

Also, am exercising...running, weights, yoga and meditation. Am doing everything. Gave up all sugar except fruit, and gave up caffeine. I look phenomenal 😊 but feel like life isn't worth living anymore

Have you tried taking Utrogestan vaginally? Although off license it can be taken this way if it isn’t tolerated orally. Otherwise there are other types of progestogen you could take.
https://thebms.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/14-BMS-TfC-Progestogens-and-endometrial-protection-01H.pdf

Are you taking antidepressants? Although of course you can be in peri menopause at 42, chances are this isn't down to that as you indicate you've had anxiety for a long time

See the dr again and discuss anti anxiety meds maybe

Ask for a referral to a gynaecologist or women's health clinic, you need a specialist. While you wait, which will be a long time, get on Menopause Matters. CBT has also been found effective for menopausal anxiety, though you'll have to search for a specialist in that. It's shit OP, but keep going.

Can't read and run. I am sorry it's having such a horrendous impact. I still can't quite get my head around how brutal the menopause is. I get why it's called 'the change' now, it feels weird to be so out of control of who you are. Have you tried the coil? I was spiralling before and now have coil and Estrogel and feel more balanced.

Someone wise will be along soon no doubt with some good practical advice but have a powerful fist bump from me x

Also the menopause support network on fb is helpful. Wonder if a mirena coil could work for the progesterone element? I think some intolerant women get on with it.

Don't end it all darling. Deep breaths. One foot in front of the other.

I’ve had anxiety like this as part of peri-meno, so it definitely could be the reason. A few years on it’s not quite as bad. Partly because of HRT and partly because I put less pressure on myself to do the things I can’t cope with.

I also had the same issues with Utrogestan - pretty much borderline suicidal while I was taking it each month. Your GP’s response is appalling! I’m so outraged at how hard it is to get help. What they should have told you is that you could be progesterone sensitive - this was the issue for me, and once I thought about it I realised I’d felt similar on the pill in my 20s (though not quite as bad).

The answer for me was switching to Cyclogest. You might struggle to get that from your GP as it’s off licence. I get it via Louise Newson’s clinic. Expensive but worth it (I wouldn’t usually go private as I’m on a pretty average income but I was struggling to work, so had to do something).

When I was on Utrogestan I felt like throwing myself under a bus for half the month, so I have an idea of where you’re at. Please tell some supportive friends who can be cheerleaders when you need them. You can get through this, I promise.

OP lots of people feel suicidal on utrogestan, I did.

So I swapped to vaginal pessaries of utrogestan for a few months (you can put the normal ones up or be prescribed. The pessary version) but this was no better and gave me thrush.

Then I had a mirena fitted and apart from when I have my natural PMT I am pretty sane and coping with it fine. My GP promised to take it ASAP if I felt suicidal again.

I'm a year on and much much more settled. I'd felt suicidal before HRT for about 3yrs - every month as soon as I ovulated and for two weeks, I'd be crying.