If you have been through the menopause does it get better?

[CaraVann]

Is perimenopause like going through a dark tunnel and then you come through the other side or do you just have to live with and adapt to feeling like shit for the rest of your days?

I am wondering why some women seem to sail through the perimenopausal stage whilst others suffer so very much. Unfortunately, I fall in the latter category but I have a lot of stresses in my life right now and do wonder if this exacerbates issues?

I am 51 and started to feel the effects of peri around the age of 45 but because I didn't (and still don't) suffer much from night or day sweats and still have a regular cycle my GP said I wasn't there yet!

So for the last 6 years I have felt awful. My 26 year IBS journey has taken a turn for the worst (endless gastro tests confirm its IBS still) and decades of gynae issues turns out to be endometriosis, this was only diagnosed last year.
Despite suffering from poor mental health since childhood again peri seems to have turbo blasted that and I am in a constant fight or flight mode, I wake with high anxiety and suffer from agitation and panic attacks throughout the day. My health anxiety is through the roof right now. The sweet relief of laying in a dark room at the end of the day is the only thing keeping me going tbh.
I have a whole host of other regular peri issues too, no sex drive at all, exhaustion, body changes (lack of muscle etc) but the anxiety is the worst, I feel as though I am suffering constant PMT.

I tried HRT but it just made the endo pain worse. Antidepressants make the gut issues worse. I don't know what else to try. I exercise, keep my weight down, try to relax with daily hypnotherapy and meditation. I only drink water etc but I still seem to suffer more than most.

I do wonder if events in your current life can exacerbate a woman's menopausal issues?

Do those experiencing no stress in their lives enjoy an easier menopause?

I am part of this 'sandwich' generation. I had my dc in my 30's so they are still youngish (16 and 18) and I am helping them to navigate their way through life and they have had their own teen struggles which has been stressful but the biggest challenge right now is my elderly parents, in their early 80's, mum suffers from breast cancer and Alzheimer's and my 82 year old dad struggles with everything so I help as much as I can, this is certainly not helping my anxiety and therefore my peri journey. I have a couple of friends in peri, they have very little stress in their lives and seem to be coping very well in peri.

I am just hanging on to the hope that there is a turning point somewhere in the future. I still have a cycle unfortunately and hoping this will stop within the next year or so (I hate having periods as I suffer from a failed uterine ablation which has me in absolute agony each period but that is a whole other ongoing story!).

Please, someone, tell me that it gets better? That there is still joy to be had post menopause because peri has been anything BUT a joyful experience for me.

I’m not sure exactly where I am in the menopause process as I had a hysterectomy in 2013 so obviously don’t have periods any more. That said I think I’m at the back end at 55. I don’t have hot flushes anymore, don’t have that raging anger at everything anymore. I don’t massively have the confusion and forgetfulness either, although I’m definitely not as sharp as when I was working, having retired 8 years ago. I take estrogel hrt and I’ll continue taking that as my gp said it’s helpful for my bones. I too had a uterine ablation after horrendous periods and fibroids. It didn’t help and so I ended up having a sub total hysterectomy which much improved my quality of life. Is it worth you thinking about this. I promise life does get better as the whole process works its way through 🌺

It does get better but in the meantime you have to do as much as you can to relieve the stress and pressure
Its ironic that as our hormones are leaving our kids are on their own wave
We also have the added pressure of parents - and work. I am not sure previous generations had quite so many double whammies

You sound as if you are already doing a lot but are clearly whacked by the end of the day
It’s important that key people around you know you have your own ‘issues’ and that if there is help available eg with your parents.

I do find that help via GP varies - if one more man doctor tells me a cotton nightie will do the trick!!!
You may need to go many times to the GP - sorry about that
Not sure if there are any adjustments at your work - it’s early days for employers to understand that women in their prime also need a bit of support

You do seem to have a lot going on - I am sorry - but the other side of this is better

Thank you.

I forgot to add the rage, I am so angry all the time, as though I may explode at anytime.

I am on a NHS waiting list firstly fir a laparoscopy which is around an 18 month wait (only went on it in January) and then eventually a hysterectomy (God only knows when that will be!)

OP is there a reason why you can't push for a hysterectomy and then use oestrogen?

I can't have a hysterectomy as I have existing prolapses, but I do have a mirena for HRT which has made a massive difference to period pain (consultant suspects endo). This plus oestrogen plus testosterone has massively helped me.

I am 46 and 18 months into my HRT journey, should have gone on it at 42 as symptoms were bad from that point.

I def feel better than I did.

Yes, why the heck does live through shit at us at the worst possible times in our lives? 10+ years ago I’d be able to handle all this stress but it now feels like a camel/back/straw situation.

Sadly I’m self employed so no help that end but I do have an appointment in a few weeks with a private gynae who spoon the menopause and endometriosis so I’m keeping my fingers crossed she may be able to help.

I’m on a wait for a hysterectomy but need a laparoscopy first, that’s currently an 18 month wait in my area, I’ve been told due to the endometriosis even then the oestrogen could potentially make the situation worse.
I had a uterine ablation 2 years ago which has failed, my gynae won’t attempt to insert a mirena because of the scar tissue caused by the ablation. I wish I’d never opted for this procedure tbh it has caused more issues than before, it’s forced the (then undiagnosed) endo into my uterus causing adenomyosis.

I am hoping the private gynae I’m seeing in a few weeks may be able to suggest something to help.