Can relationships survive the menopause

[Lucylou784]

My sister is menopausal and we’ve always been very close since we were little and never fallen out but since starting the peri she’s taken a steep u turn in the last few months and now wants nothing to do with me and I seem to be a big source of irritation for her, we fall out all the time. Everything I do and have done in the past annoys her, I’m not saying I’m not irritating but it’s been such a sudden change. I want to be there for her but that actually seems counterintuitive. My DH suggested I give her space which I will but I’m just wondering, will these feelings subside? I don’t want our relationship to be ruined forever because we’ve always been so close. Just wondering from those with experience, if your family relationships / friends etc can survive through it and come out the other side in tact

Yes this is true but then surely the relationship is no longer serving if the person doesn’t want them around anymore? I suppose I’m falling right in the middle with the replies, because it’s made me realise some things I need to fix but also the mood swings are hard and if I’m not the person she wants around her then there’s no point in pushing that

I absolutely agree with this^
how can you be nice and cuddly when you haven’t slept for a few months? And you are not 20 so your body doesn’t take the exhaustion very well. There are lots of things: weight gain, hair loss, tiredness, muscle pain, lack of libido. Each of them might be small but put them together and you are flooded with problems. It’s difficult to explain if you are explaining them one by one but the point is that they are too much together. it tough . And it’s the age when serious problems are more common plus parents often need your care ( while you are not in good place physically and mentally)
Yes, some people cope better than others but it depends in what degree you are affected ( it’s like periods or births - they are different for everybody) It also depends on how complicated/ problematic your life was before the menopause. If everything was ok, you can cope better but if your marriage was strained already, there were health issues, financial problems, problems with children…
Your bucket is nearly overflowing already and the menopause becomes this last straw.
that’s my view.

Is it that old resentments are now rearing their head?

I think you have two ways of handling this.

Talk to your sister like you have here and say you're sorry you are both squabbling etc. Tell her how you feel.

Talk to her about her menopausal symptoms and if she needs to look at medical help or self-help to sort those.

You've not mentioned how old she is or if she's thought about HRT but if she's not sleeping and is getting ratty with everyone, maybe through lack of sleep, is she open to talking this over?

On the other hand, there's the dynamics between you that are separate to her mood swings and maybe were always there but not so obvious?

I don't think that women should make 'the menopause' a reason or an excuse to be nasty to their family, colleagues and friends. There are enough ways of helping to alleviate symptoms whether that's HRT or things like mindfulness, meditation, and other ways to get your head a bit calmer.
Sorry for being blunt.

Peri hasn't affected my moods or sex drive at all.

But physically, it has affected everything. I'm weaker, my bones hurt, my joints hurt, my back aches. I'm constantly battling thrush and UTIs. My periods have never been so heavy, and now they're irregular.

I don't know what to do. I still want to dance and play and have sex, but I'm struggling with energy levels and brain fog.

However, my sex life has dwindled as my husband isn't up for it. I can't pounce on him because I take so long to get fully aroused, a quickie hurts.

I stand by my post at 9.42 which I did as currently menopausal woman. However I can offer a different perspective as a younger sister. My sister was very difficult during her menopause. We were walking on eggshells all the time when seeing her/ talking to her over phone. The same applied to her partner by way. She did went through a lot of things at the same time: new responsible job, settling with a new partner, then moving house. However she has a lot of support and a lot of problems like moving house was actually due to better financial situation etc so positive move.
I was going through obvious serious difficulties myself ant that time and she was responsive but very limited, in general she behaved like she was the centre of the universe and the only one with the problems. So a lot of things got me thinking and then my menopause got me thinking and reevaluating things and I’ve realised that my sister was always like this and the family dynamic was always like this. When we were younger I had less problems naturally as a younger one e.g less health problems, plus my sister had obvious marriage problems whereas I hadn’t (at that stage) so everyone was focused on her in a way and we all were very forgiving to her. I think my parents play a role in all this but anyway all these are affected our relationship, we are good but not so close as before.
I’m reluctant to get close due to my past upsets, if it makes sense. I can’t forget some things she said. I don’t think that it was just a menopause, no, with a close look it wasn’t entirely out of the character. So I can’t guarantee where you are heading from there @Lucylou784 it might be where I’m.

By the way my sister didn’t think that she was difficult through the menopause. She said to me recently that she “sailed through it”.

@pizzaHeart It’s fascinating that people say they sailed through the menopause when they were very affected. Ive seen a few posts like that on here. It’s like when you forget the pain of childbirth