Is anyone else struggling with people?

[princesspadam]

I am finding making small talk or feigning interest in people much more difficult as I near 50.
Last week I went to an event and after 5 hrs I went to bed because quite frankly I'd had enough of wearing uncomfortable shoes and smiling!

I've always been an extroverted introvert but I think it's getting worse

I feel sorry for DP who is Uber sociable

Is it just me? Is this a menopause thing? Am I just antisocial?

I don't think it's menopause, no.

I think it's getting older.

We're either more- or less - inclined to be with other people, especially if we're reasonably content with close family if they are around.

I'm a lot older than you but one thing I've found is that I want to make more effort with the friends and family who I care for and am less inclined to spend time with people I don't really have much in common with.

Several friends have died (young) so I cherish the few special ones I have.

Oh thank you for replying

I absolutely agree, I still love spending time with friends but even then not for long periods

Not just you! I’m 45 and totally get where you are coming from. I’m an extrovert but the older I get the less I tolerate time-wasting, which small talk feels like. I don’t mind doing it for a purpose (ran an event last week with 50 people but small talk was a way of making bridges, so made sense). I do think menopause has a role to play as I am peri and have brain fog, so I need to preserve my brain power!

I just can't stand people, nothing to do with hormones.

Also introverted extrovert. Always disliked groups

I'm early 40s (single) and struggling to like men...

I'm 40 and for the past year I've been getting more and more like this. While at the same time craving human contact... it's very frustrating.

Another introverted extrovert here. I'm friendly, outgoing, chatty, animated etc...
Can't stand crowds, avoid groups and feel like a spare part if out with one, I'm anxious and much happier at home or with a small group of trusted souls.
It has definitely set in more now, I'm 49. I just can't be arsed. I won't enjoy it, I'll come away feeling like a misfit, I'll wonder why I don't enjoy the same chat and pastimes as other people seem to...
I feel better pleasing myself.

I am old and only now do I focus on people who I care about and who care about me. I get so bored listening to the usual drivel at lunches, dinners, parties, etc about their houses, their hollies, how they all have these marvellous children who have so much status and earn so much etc and how clever their grandchildren are. And I am told how nice Mrs So and So is and you meet her and find her an absolute bore and totally phoney.

I'm the same and it has got worse with covid lockdowns and perimenopause.

I could quite happily not deal with another person (bar my immediate family) for the rest of my life.

This exactly!
Having to listen to colleagues talk about their school age kids endless activities at lunchtime, drives me potty. I would much rather work through my lunch these days!

I've stopped going to the staff Christmas do. I'm just bored of the faff of getting there, clock watching to make sure I've got a train home. Shouted conversations with people I see everyday and that I really like but even so and the price for just standing around with nibbles or eating rather crap food.

I go and sit in my car at lunch. I don't want anyone around me. It's my time and I just want to be alone. It's like a mini spa break to me that time.

You did well to last 5 hours. I don't do groups anymore, but I am making a big effort to have one on one catch ups with close friends. If I see them for a coffee and someone else turns up it just isn't the same. The conversation becomes annoyingly superficial. Or one person tends to control the narrative. Groups are tolerable if it's around an activity, but group socialising for the sake of it is a waste of time for me. I'm relieved that I've realized this and I'm not beating myself up about it. Thanks for posting, it's an interesting thread.

Ah the staff do - yes I didn't put down my deposit this year...decided not to go.
Much the same as you @Pippa - crap food, venue miles away, people shouting in sequins. Nothing personal against my colleagues but I just can't be bothered.

54, also an introverted extrovert.

In the last few weeks I decided that I just CBA with certain people anymore and I’m just not dealing with them, then decided who are really important to me and how I’m going to only invest in them. At the same time I’d like to take on a few more hobbies to meet likeminded people.

You’re not going to get balanced replies here, OP. Mn is full of misanthropes and people who struggle socially, and who are delighted to find a convenient label (completely misunderstood ‘introversion’ or ‘menopause) to rationalise their disinclination for social events.

Assuming you stand up and walk out in the middle of the speeches or something five hours sounds fine for a wedding, assuming that’s what it was.

I think I am an introverted extrovert too. (why have I not heard that phrase before?), and am with you OP.

I find people so draining these days. I don't know if it is menopause related, it could be as I am in the age bracket. But everyone has 'drama'. And they all want to tell me about their drama. I have my own stuff to deal with and just feel that everyone just has to get on with it. It seems to be like a competition of who has the most drama. I keep to myself and deal accordingly, but just feel I don't have the headspace for everyone else's issues.

I suppose it's what I get for always being that one that was the shoulder for everyone through the years. But now, my shoulders aren't that big and I don't want to share them.

I do feel quite callous sometimes, as I feel I have become cold. But, it is what it is. I just do not have the want nor will to be with people when I don't need to be.

I spend a lot of each day alone, so yes, I find big groups tiring cos I'm not used to them. I'm naturally a loner but I absolutely adore people and chatting briefly to random strangers.

But this thread is posted in the Menopause section.

So the replies will be from posters who use this board.

And it is well known that tolerance levels are affected when getting older. Whether it ties in to menopause, not sure. Probably. Having been personally affected.

I think it ties partly into getting older and finally having enough of everyone else's shit. My tolerance for fools and nasty people has certainly disappeared in my 50s. Maybe age allows me to no longer care what other people think and say about me, but I suspect it truly is, in my case, simply a case of no longer being able to tolerate the crap. I just can't do it any more. I remove myself from crap situations and walk out of awful plays and films. Life is too short.

I’m 52 and on HRT myself. I’m not some kind of 20something tourist on the board. I don’t notice the social intolerance in myself or in any of my friends of a similar age. If anything, people are reclaiming their social lives from the child rearing years.

I wouldn't associate that with menopause. I have been different at different times in my life, depending on circumstances. It's quite normal. Now I am older I like people but prefer my own company and not feeling obliged to do things unless I really want to. I would put myself for someone in need but otherwise content to do my own thing.

There's nothing wrong with you.

I’ve always disliked socialising at parties or in big groups, so don't think mine is menopause related. In fact as a child I use to hide party invites but my Mum use to find them and make me go. I’m not shy, just not interested in loud large groups and superficial social contact. I enjoy seeing close friends for coffee etc, one to one, but social interaction has always drained me somewhat. It’s quite lovely being older as I can now be honest or say no, the pressure when you’re young to join in and be like everyone else was exhausting. I love my own company, never bored.

Introvert here and social gatherings are not my thing. It exhausts my energy. I prefer a good drink with my friends. You're somehow right that it also comes with age😁. As we get older, we usually don't give a damn on things or people that don't serve any good to us.