Paranoia

[trainedopossum]

A friend came over for lunch, we had a lovely afternoon and when she went home I felt a crushing cringey feeling, almost like that adolescent level of social humiliation that I didn't think I'd suffer again as a grown adult. .

This keeps happening to me after socialising and it seems unrelated to anything I've said or done. I ruminate on the time spent with friends, picking apart what was said and having very strong unpleasant feelings about it all. If someone compliments me I worry that they really mean the opposite. I feel defensive and weirdly unlovable, just cringing myself inside out, total shame, attached to absolutely no actual source. I can't think of any way to describe it other than paranoia.

It's not unrelated to the depression and loss of confidence I've felt since the menopause, but a new wrinkle.

Realistically I think my friends love me btw (it's not an ugly frenemy situation or anything) and I know I'm lovable. I don't know where the feelings are coming from.

I'm on hrt (100 Sandrena + Mirena) and it's helped some of the physical symptoms but the mood issues are no better and possibly worse (idk that hrt is making them worse but they're getting worse).

Has anyone else had a similar experience? I'm hoping it'll resonate with someone else, I feel like such a desperate loser I can't even do menopause properly (half joking 🙃).

I go over things I’ve said in conversations, and wonder what people think about what I said. And I frequently get crushing flashbacks about things I did or said when I was a teen/younger. It appears to be normal, even though it’s unpleasant. I try to distract my mind when it happens.

I have always had such feelings, but during menopause they became overwhelming. Crushing - exactly.

I'm also on Mirena plus transdermal oestrogen. Of all the patches and gels I've used, Sandrena was the least effective for me. I feel much more 'level' on Oestrogel. Of course, I don't know whether things are better now because I'm using the right medication, or because I have passed that phase and am now fully post-menopause. My gut feeling is that I was under-medicated.

Thanks for the replies, it's nice to hear I'm not alone.

Dusty yes, I'm trying distraction too. We had a few glasses of wine (over a seven hour period), which I think intensified it.

Aparecium I'm having a blood test soon in preparation for my next meno appointment so we'll see what that says. Sandrena has been better absorbed than Estradot, which I was barely absorbing. The Mirena is a huge improvement over Utrogestan, which made me feel very very low. Hoping they'll add testosterone next time, if only for an energy boost.

I feel so low already and my dog will soon be pts, I have decisions to make about my property, DH is very busy all the time now working and looking for a new job. I feel very alone and overwhelmed and when I get a wave of emotion it's hard to know how to deal with it.

For me menopause has been some unpleasant physical symptoms, most of which have largely resolved with hrt, and a massive unpleasant roller coaster of awful emotional turmoil, which has just got worse.

It’s not a nice time for us, that’s for sure. Chuck in some empty nest emotions, and realising that you’re nearer the end than the start doesn’t help either!

Ah I don't have children so no empty nest but I do have elderly in laws and a mum and it does feel like loss is always waiting in the wings.