I don't think I'm normal help me ladies please

[Lemakema4by1]

I don't know where to start . I'm falling apart in every way , it feels. Turned 40 this month but for last 3 ish years haven't felt myself, had a surprise 4th baby 2020. All fine and lovely. But the last 2 years ive been low , sad, withdrawn, anxious suicidal the lot. On anti depressions and clawing to get therapy, everything is super stretched so waiting etc. Several haven't helped, nhs and private which wasn't sustainable due to cost or helpful. I have acne in cyst forms, skin referal have just discharged me as its not as bad as others. Very overweight and can't loss weight easily like I used to, I feel in either have PCos without struggling with fertility, do they even bother if you have had no worries conceiving? Or peri menopausal ? Due to have longer between periods and 3 day ones, I track it now so I can monitor moods days etc. Can't concentrate, moody, irrational then calm, crying, never feel total happy like I remember, no energy, not motivated, loads of things, spiralling down n down, crazy feelings
I don't know what I'm asking really just where do I get help and diagnosis. Won't see doctor as In past it's a very old men at my surgery telling me to 'get the black monkey off my back' which was inappropriate and not at all given me confidence in their womens health or seeing them since. The nurse is OK but seems to blame everything on weight, but it's a circle of misery.
How do I go in armed with what I need to happen, I don't know? blood test shpwed nothing they were really looking for diabetes, so dodnt bothwr with fullin fepth blood tests. scans on ovaries, what do I do. They were so quick to put me on tablets due to being on them before, without even looking for any other things.
Sorry for the rant and flitting all over the place x x

OP the first thing l would do is to change surgeries if all your GPs are as awful as you describe! Your symptoms could be peri menopause, in which case you might find hrt works better for your mood and wellbeing than anti depressants but you also need to rule out other things such as anaemia thyroid issues etc.

Agree with PP - you need a doctor or nurse you can trust.

If you can change your diet and walk/exercise regularly, you may start to feel less negative.

Sorry, I know this is probably not very helpful, but being menopausal can be really difficult...

I would echo that and do a bit of research and find a GP with great patient reviews . I'm so glad I did.
Ask for a double appointment you may have to wait.
Can I be practical and suggest one small change a week or something ? Perhaps go out for a walk even if you don't want to every day. 5 mins or 30 whatever you can manage but it will not make anything worse.
Drink more water.
Are you sleeping ?
Try a meditation app there's loads of free ones like headspace
Eat well
Sign up to some talking therapies you can self refer to many online
Talk to someone you trust ?
If you feel suicidal tell someone and there's a Crisis Line you can always call 24/7 in confidence
How long have you been on med as many take 6ish weeks to work amd can sometimes make you feel worse initially
As for all your symptoms try not to fall victim to Dr Google .... see a more understanding GP or could you stretch to private appointment ?
Sorry you're feeling so bad x

So, you need a good GP, OR get the guts to go back to the middle aged men.

Take a copy of the NICE guidelines. Say that you think you might be peri menopausal. Don't elaborate or get into a discussion and absolutely don't let them go you off with anti depressants.

Say you would like a trial of body identiical HRT, oestrogen patch or gel and utrogestan tablets.

Ask for a full blood work up to include ferritin levels and thyroid and vit B/D tests.

Ask for a gynae referral (assume you can't go private or you would have done already, but if there is any way of raising funds you can have a gynae appointment and scan within a fortnight privately - I know because I've done just that).

For info, in case you might be able to raise the funds, the consultant fee was £250 and the scan was £340 which was through Circle healthcare.

How heavy are you, OP?
Whatever the cause of your symptoms, they could be made worse by severe obesity.