Please help - debilitating anxiety in perimenopause

[PopRay80]

Morning ladies. I’m 43 and going through this horrendous perimenopause. I feel like it’s ruining my life 😢
I’ve never had anxiety before but this was one of the symptoms that made me go to the GP to ask for HRT as I knew it was hormonal.
I’ve been off work for about 3 weeks now and don’t know how I am supposed to work with such crippling anxiety and tiredness.
I wake up at around 4am every morning and the anxiety hits. I have a really tight chest and my brain is in overdrive.
I have been on HRT (gel and utrogestan) for around 10 days (prior to that I was on Evorel Sequi patches for 2.5 weeks, which made me feel worse) and desperately want to know if anyone can tell me if this will help with this debilitating anxiety??
Please let me know if HRT will help with anxiety as I’m desperate.
I’m SO unhappy right now and can’t cope with this 😢

I just couldn’t stop crying. It was like major pmt.

I was about to start my own thread on perimenopausal anxiety but saw this one - thanks OP! Sympathies to everyone going through the mill with it.

I’ve been on HRT for a year which has definitely helped but since starting a new (internal promotion) job six weeks ago my anxiety is through the roof and I’m thinking about quitting and going back to my old role. It’s being made worse by a colleague who is challenging every decision I make and leaving me feeling incompetent (I know I’m not, but nothing’s really being done about his behaviour). I haven’t slept well since I started and this week in particular I have had three nights in a row where I didn’t sleep at all.

I’m not doing enough exercise during the week (other than a fast walk at lunchtime) because I’m so tired, and I just don’t want to go out in the evening in case I can’t sleep. I’m sick of my mind racing about how busy I am, my colleague’s shitty behaviour and anything/everything else that wakes me up at 4am.

Taking myself out for an energetic walk and to look at spring flowers today. I think it’s time to start couch to 5k and sign up for some evening classes to get me out of the house.

Feel free to talk here!

When I was in peri and about 7 years ago and started a new job it was the worst experience ever. Naturally I was nervous but my new team who were lovely and welcoming during interviews suddenly became stand offish and one woman I was working for was really nasty, breaking her desk and swearing at me! My colleague had refused to deal with her and switched her to me to work for! My colleague I replaced had transferred within the organisation and I hadn’t met her nor the person inducting and training me at interview. It got so bad I was on the phone to my SO and SIL crying most mornings and feeling though I was losing the plot. Once I discovered anxiety was common in peri it made much more sense!

I really found speaking to friends or relatives about peri and menopause helped a lot. The more I shared the more they shared and we felt more normal!

You could be me! The gel didn't work for me - I have a coil so they've put me on evorel conti - but every morning at around 4am I'm wide awake, racing thoughts, churning stomach and heart pounding. It's making me miserable

I've no advice but you're not alone (and it helps me to know I'm not too)

That sounds awful @Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain ! Did you stick it out? The rest of my team are great, but this one person is making work so difficult that I have honestly thought about just handing my notice in and having some time off. There are other issues too but I'm just exhausted. I know it's partly because it's a new job and there's a lot to learn, but it's eroding my confidence daily. My manager is supportive thank goodness.

I have had anxiety off and on since a significant event in my teens. This is the worst it's been since then.

I suspect you're reacting to too much progesterone which is in your coil and also in your Evorel conti.

I can’t take HRT so I’m on ADs. .

ADs completely resolved my anxiety .

Firstly, congratulations on your promotion! That shows that your work could see that you are competent and capable to do the job.
It’s interesting that the colleague that is causing the issue is a man 🤔. Have a word with your manager if you feel he is bullying you. Maybe he’s jealous of the promotion?
Please don’t let one person upset you and make you go back to your old role, you deserve better than that.
Do you have Occupational Health you could discuss the anxiety with?
I would suggest you go back to your GP and have a review of the HRT and discuss the anxiety.
The lack of sleep is just exacerbating everything and you need help with that.

Thank you! You are right, and part of me wants to fight on, but part of me doesn’t want the stress of the job as a whole. I had been pondering whether it’s because I’m female, but to be fair to him, I don’t think it is. He’s been like this for years and both men and women have been on the receiving end. I have made it clear to his manager that I’ve had enough though, and I will put in a grievance if it goes on much longer.

We do have occ health, and my GP is great about all things menopause. I’ll see if I can make an appointment next week because it’s a year since I started HRT and I could do with a check up for blood pressure etc.

OP, I was completely incapacitated for five weeks with atrocious anxiety. I was a wreck. I found an anti depressant plus HRT worked miracles.

I’m on week 5 of HRT now.
I actually feel like I’m going insane!!!! I have a low mood every day but I also have really weird thought processes all the time.
I’m constantly comparing myself to other people…thinking everyone has a better life than me (my life is fine and happy!). I’ve had to come off social media as I was obsessed with everyone being happier than me.
I find little joy in life and question, “what’s the purpose of life?” I look ahead to the future too much and have worries of my husband/mum/dad/daughter dying (even though they’re all healthy!).
Massively catastophising.
It frightens me really as I’ve never had these thoughts and feelings before.
Today it’s Saturday and I feel bad that I’m sat at home with my family doing nothing. I think I should be doing something and other people are doing fun, exciting things!
It’s hard to really explain but I feel ‘weird’.

I totally understand and feel very much the same. It feels like everyday is a struggle. I have been on various HRT but nothing seems to help. I’ve just started oral HRT as I don’t appear to absorb transdermally very well. I have tried 3 ADs to date and nothing seems to work for me at all. My poor husband and son really don’t know what to do to help, and just like you I feel I am wasting my day when other people are living their best lives (whatever that may be) My husband is being lovely and is so supportive but I just want to be the old me again. I hope you feel like the old you soon too xx

Today it’s Saturday and I feel bad that I’m sat at home with my family doing nothing.

Oh OP you should never feel bad for just doing nothing and truly, social media is 99% bullshit, anyone can smile and look happy or busy in a picture, what’s really going on is rarely on display. Stay off it whilst you’re feeling like this. I’m sorry we can’t help more, as nobody on here can say whether this will get worse for you or you may start to see improvements. I never did and I spiralled with the progesterone intolerance. Keep an eye on your symptoms and also keep talking to someone close to you in person if you’re able to, so they will be across if you appear to be feeling worse.

Enjoy your evening of doing nothing (bliss IMHO) 😊

@StillCreatingAName I appreciate that. It was strange because I did feel guilty doing nothing but then had a word with myself!! As soon as I thought, “isn’t the weekend for relaxing?” I felt calmer and was actually able to relax and watch Cocoon The Return (classic!!!) and Peter Rabbit!
A lot of anxiety and depression is negative thinking so if I can find my positive side to shut the negativity out, I’m ok!
This evening I felt more relaxed.
My long-suffering husband is always here for me….bless him!!!
And yes, I’m keeping off social media for now!

No @twobluechickens i didn’t stick it out! I just couldn’t and I suppose I could’ve done but really the team (legal) were quite nasty and different to how they were at interview. When my other colleague doing the same job ignored me when she saw me at lunch in the shopping centre and I had this nutcase older colleague swearing at me I thought nope not sticking it here! It was within a huge organisation. My colleague who transferred said she’d been very ill with I think an ear issue, anyway she was signed off sick and returned but moved out of the legal department to another one and seemed much happier. For me in this job I found my confidence which I’d had in spades before now ebbed and flowed and I second guessed myself almost constantly. Things I did without a second thought before now seemed insurmountable. HRT did help me a lot. I didn’t ask for and wasn’t offered anything else by my doctors who are a good practice. My poor SO then I think wondered what on earth was wrong with me! If you can get something to help with the anxiety that helps but I was talking menopause supplements (not cheap either) including sage tablets and they did a fat lot of good! I had no idea acupuncture can help or I’d have tried that! Sadly nowadays most GPs are still rubbish with menopause symptoms in patients especially men!

OP I had terrible anxiety at the same age as you. The GP offered HRT or the combined pill - I chose the combined pill which worked pretty quickly. I hope this helps someone. It was an awful time, sympathies to anyone going through this.

Hi all, very helpful thread and sorry so many are suffering!

I have become very anxious too. I wanted to ask if my experience is similar to others with anxiety please?

I spend hours obsessing about situations and work which I think 'may go wrong' or worrying that someone doesn't like me, or that my roof my leak and I won't be able to fix it, for example.

Most of these anxieties may be grounded in truth (eg a colleague is a bully) but the constant worrying about them is really impacting on my life, my sleep, my relationships.

Are others experiencing similar anxiety or are my worries a bit odd?

@MaryHoppins i had complete overwhelm and hyper vigilance before ADs. I started thinking I shouldn’t have bought a house as the care for it was beyond me, I was unable to check the boiler level for eg. And work upset me all the time. I was completely fine then on ADs. I came off them and was fine for a bit but then it all built up. Now I’m on a half dose, but I think I may go back to full dose until after menopause .

@MaryHoppins that's exactly what mine is like. It's debilitating - you have my sympathies.

@MaryHoppins I was having lots of awful intrusive thoughts that were really upsetting.
I would think, ‘what if my daughter and husband died?’ And would work myself up until I spoke to my husband and talked it through.
I have had lots of thoughts that really disturb me.
‘What if my mum and dad get kicked out of their (rented) property?’
‘Do they have enough money to go somewhere else?’
’What if my husband loses his job (no evidence he will!)?’
Anxiety is really frightening.

I’m about to start some face to face CBT and on antidepressants now so hoping I can feel better.

I wake at 4am every day and my day starts in an anxious state.

i don’t know when this will ever end 😔

The mini pill sent me to a very dark place

@Countrylife2002 do you mind me asking what AD you have been given? I have been on mirtazapine for the last 17 weeks (7 weeks at 15mg and 10 weeks at 30mg) and I’m still a mess! I’d be interested to know what is working for others (although I do appreciate it’s an individual thing and people respond differently) Thanks x

I’m on citalopram. It worked quickly for me. I guess I was very lucky then. Anxiety is horrendous.

@Kingsley81 I am back on Escitalopram. I was on them for a few years (for depression) and came off last year. My GP has put me back on them as I have had them before and know I’m ok with them. Hope they work soon for the anxiety.