Menopause and work

[mcmen05]

How do you bring this up to a 40year old Male boss. I feel I am starting to make silly mistakes at work.
I started last week on an anti depressants went to gp as my anxiety and overthinking and not sleeping were getting to much.

I work from home directly under the Financial Controller so don't actually see him just on teams.

I just feel very emotional as the moment and really don't want to cry on the phone. I have been avoiding any contact by phone since Xmas and try email as much as possible.
But have to work together on Financial reports for our year end.
I just don't know what words to use to explain how I'm feeling and afraid to put my job at risk if I say nothing and make bigger mistakes.

Can I just ask? This happened to me about a year ago. Anxiety, hot flushes, insomnia and brain fog. I ended up going to Boots Online Doctor and did a consult for HRT. Cleared up within a few days. Menopause sucks and I’m a financial controller too. I knew I needed to function. Big hugs to you!

Ps: they also tried to put me on anti depressants, but it wasn’t that. It might be what you have? I mentioned it openly to some mothers and two ended up going on HRT too and felt a lot better.

@mcmen05 Please google the advice by NICE not to give anti depressants, for this, and that HRT is first line treatment. This was in the menopause guidance in 2015
Your GP is way behind the times/advice.

Also google Dr Louise Newson, on her Balance website on the same.

I was that male 35 year old Financial controller with 50 year old female staff fifteen years ago.

It was a little awkward, but you should probably just tell him.

I'm 50 and a director now, thankfully menopause is much more publicised in workplaces rather than hushed up

I had to tell my boss too who is a couple years younger. He mentioned a couple of my mistakes and me zoning out during a nightshift so i had to tell him the truth otherwise he would think I was incompetent. The look of horror on his face was a picture. He was honest and said he didn't know much about it. I told him and reminded him his wife of similar age will also be going through it. He was great and really supportive. He stopped me doing nights and helped me find a more suitable role.

Sent an email to boss and just say let me know you read it but probably best not to ask me about it.
I just said I have gp visit tomorrow for Menopause

Hi I’m slow replying on your thread, but just to say I was in a very similar position to you last year (also a senior manager in a finance team). I actually found our HR department was fantastic - really sympathetic and also encouraged me to just have a “factual, straightforward” chat with my manager about my peri symptoms and adjustments that help (eg not working 14 hour days consecutively - which can be challenging in finance sometimes! - and meetings that have agenda circulated and someone circulating notes of action points as a standard process (to help with the brain fog).)

I think you can frame it as “this is happening, here are some ways you can support me to remain effective”. Many managers are getting more knowledgeable and need to be - so if they aren’t aware , they need to become aware!

I was at the stage I was so exhausted from the insomnia that I would totally forget entire meetings had happened- it felt like I was going crazy. The anxiety compounded and i felt very cross and embarrassed about my sub-par delivery at work🥲 it was definitely a worse feeling than long Covid!

I would also say that there are taboos that I hadn’t appreciated in the other direction (having found myself in an all-middle-aged male team once, let’s just say I learned a LOT about vasectomies 😂).

i did feel better when I faced into it - no need to feel ashamed or embarrassed, I think.

I will confess however I did eventually leave my job as I couldn’t balance the needs of the role with my health - and I decided it wasn’t ultimately fair on me or my employer and my team to continue to be a “weak link”. I don’t think my boss felt the same - he wanted to help me work through it all but I felt overwhelmed by the challenge of being that “productivity machine” they had hired. It’s not a nice feeling when you KNOW you are capable of so much more.