Problems at work

[Primmyhill]

I have been on HRT for 3 months now. I have good and bad days and took a couple of weeks off sick from work as I just couldn’t cope and was anxious and tearful, brain fog etc. I work for a large national company and they’re always banging on about their menopause policy etc but in reality it’s no more than a lip service policy. I have had zero support since being back and the work keeps getting piled on even though I said it was too much and I needed help. Infact, I have more work now than ever. We’re only a small team and quite specialist and in reality there’s no one really who could step in.

I’m trying my hardest not to go off sick again as I genuinely want to stay at work but I feel I’m not being taken seriously even though I’ve told them I’m struggling. I just can’t manage a huge workload at the moment and some of the personalities I deal with are quite high profile and often not the easiest to deal with which doesn’t help. Part of me thinks they are trying to push me out as they can’t be bothered dealing with me, even though I’ve been in my job for 7 years with no issues and very little sickness. They say and make the right noises but nothing actually happens.

Am I expecting too much? I know work is work at the end of the day, I’m paid to do a job and ultimately that’s all they want me to do. I worry about work all weekend and am literally a nervous wreck all week, making silly mistakes and doubting my own ability. I don’t know what else I can do to get them to take me seriously.

I feel the same. I just started in a new job and I'm not coping.

Has the HRT helped at all?

It’s early days for the HRT so give it time. But I’m the same. I’m a TA and was on the ball and if I dare say so I was a pretty good TA. Now I’m forgetful, have to write it all down, tired, make mistakes. I be so lost my confidence. Had a complete meltdown one day and had to go home so feel a right Wally . I do feel your pain. I need to go but feel overwhelmed having to get to grips with a new job.

Look at your contract and what it says about sick leave. Look at the company policy on menopause.
Quote it back to them! Do. Not. Apologise. Or. Feel .Guilty!

And if you still need to take sick leave, then take it. Your GP will sign you off.

You can only do what you can do and you DO have legal rights - - despite your employer possibly wishing otherwise.

It’s helped with the hot flushes and itchy skin and general aches and pains which is good but done nothing for my mood and emotions yet.

Rubbish isn’t it. I hate feeling like this. I’d say I’m good at my job and well thought of but at the moment I just feel like a loser and a little bit ashamed that I can’t cope. I know I shouldn’t but I feel like the menopause is so poorly misunderstood and people think it’s just hot flushes and a bit of forgetfulness, in reality I’m at rock bottom.

Thanks. I’m entitled to 7 months full pay but the problem is, every time you’re off you go to a different sickness stage, so having say 3 periods of sickness in 6 months of a few days each is actually worse than staying off for a few months. I got a written warning for being off sick - I know this is standard stuff but I’ve read lots of HR guidance online that says menopause absence should be recorded differently.
The policy is very vague - it says they need to make reasonable adjustments and offer support but it doesn’t detail what these actually are. I did speak to someone who said due to the severity menopause could be viewed as a disability which would also give me rights. Isn’t it shit that when you’re feeling awful and you’ve got all this to contend with too! But yes, I’ll probably go off as I’ve literally had another night of worry and I look like a complete wreck this morning.

It makes no sense that a large national company is relying on just a small team so much, and that the skills your team has are so unusual. Or if they are so unusual & essential, you should be paid shedloads of money.

I would say set your boundaries for what is a reasonable amount of time you can allocate to work in your life, ask them what tasks to prioritise since your team resources are obviously inadequate. It's up to management to find enough bodies to get the work done.

I think you need to be solution focused here. Do you actually need time out from work (sounds like you do). And is that a sticking plaster or will that help you until you get back on your feet or do you (also) need permanent changes (if reasonable) to be made at work e.g. change of hours, different role etc.
Have you approached HR? Do you have an employee assistance line?

If women were properly served at the GP level, there would be no need for menopause policies at work. It's really frustrating. I hope you get sorted soon op.

Could you request an Occupational Health referral? They will make recommendations regarding reasonable adjustments.

That’s good advice, thank you. I know. The organisation has been cut to the bone over the last few years. Ordinarily I’d put in the hours and just suck it up - I am well paid for what I do, but I just can’t do what used to do at the moment.

I have had one - the recommendations have been ignored!

What are you on, how many pumps etc?
Are you taking any supplements ?

I think I’ll give them one last chance to reduce my workload and if it doesn’t improve then I don’t see any other option. So yes, a sticking plaster for now but I’m hoping when I get nearer to the 6 month mark on HRT I might see an improvement. I don’t really want to go over my manager’s head for now but that will be my next move if it’s not resolved.

Exactly this! Thank you.

That’s good advice, thank you. I know, the organisation has been cut to the bone over the last few years. Ordinarily I’d put in the hours and just suck it up - I am well paid for what I do, but I just can’t do what I used to do at the moment.

Bless you lovely woman - it's truly shit isn't it!

You can do your job and you are flipping good at it - you are just trying to cope with your body having a laugh at you by depleting your hormones that make you you.

Go sick, get your GP to sign you off for a month. If you can also show your GP the OH report and explain that the company have not made any of the recommendations.

Tell the Company that you are ill. You have asked for reasonable adjustments and they have failed to do this, they have in fact failed in their responsibilities as your employer.

Ignore the absence procedure; if they followed the OH recommendations you wouldn't have ended up being signed off.

Be firm with them and be fair with yourself, this is not your fault!

Take care

Honestly I'm not sure going off sick is the answer. Menopause symptoms can last for years ( hopefully Hrt will kick in soon) you need to address what you can cope with at the moment and discuss with management. To be fair to them as well it's not reasonable for them
To accept poor performance indefinitely . Ye need to final a middle ground that you can both live with .

And to be fair to me my performance hasn’t been poor, I just need a bit of help with an increasing workload. I realise symptoms can last for a while and if I’m still suffering a year or so down the line, then yes. I may look at giving up work but I’m just looking for a short term solution at the moment until I hopefully feel better.

Evoril conti patches
I also take a good multi vit, a probiotic and flax seed oil.

Thanks so much, that’s really good advice, My head just can’t think practically at the moment. You are right about me not needing to go off sick again had they followed the OH advice. That’s a good point.

menopausalmare yes primary care for menopause can be shit but I still think it’s important for companies to have policies
just like they do for pregnancy and fertility issues

A low dose of an anti depressant might help with the anxiety. I have had similar and I have found a very small amount of AD has made a huge difference.

What level of dose do you have for your patches OP? Have you had a blood test to check your hormone levels? It may be that you're not absorbing it very well and need to increase your dose.

its just the bog standard one - think it’s 50. No, never had blood tests or even suggested. I seem to know more than most of the Drs tbh.